Insecure and need help

tayforth

((((Hugs)))) OP. You're doing the right thing posting here and getting it all down 'on paper', so to speak. It's not whingeing at all, think of it a keeping a diary, albeit one which talks back to you!

Perhaps the diet is too low in calories, this could certainly affect your mood and concentration. Would it be possible to up your food intake a little?


And try not to worry about the work night out, your OH loves you and I'm sure that he will be looking forward to coming home and seeing you xxx

Anoneemoose

tayforth wrote: »

((((Hugs)))) OP. You're doing the right thing posting here and getting it all down 'on paper', so to speak. It's not whingeing at all, think of it a keeping a diary, albeit one which talks back to you!

Perhaps the diet is too low in calories, this could certainly affect your mood and concentration. Would it be possible to up your food intake a little?


And try not to worry about the work night out, your OH loves you and I'm sure that he will be looking forward to coming home and seeing you xxx

Thanks again. Yes, putting it here really helps because it helps not take it out on DH. I don't ever say anything to him but sometimes I go into myself.

He is always very loving when he returns especially when I go to pick him up from a night out! He doesn't go out often so sometimes comes back a little tipsy!!

I do think the diet is a bit too much for me so am going to have salmon and salad for tea. I shall also rethink the weight loss. This always makes me feel good!

livingit

Hi and congratulations for being open. It must be extremely difficult for you and like a catch 22 situation with ME stopping you exercising and PCOS making you feel unattractive. I don't think a strict diet would help though cos as well as your medication a good steady diet is what you need to help stabilise your mood. I know someone with ME who lost a lot of weight on Slimming World it took a long time and she could not exercise but she felt tons better.
I live with someone with MH issues so I know how hard it is for you to believe your OH but truthfully the most unattractive trait of my OH is the self doubt and need for reassurance. There are times when I have felt that him questioning my loyalty has been more draining than his illness. Try to believe in your OH, dont let self doubt become an itch that you can't stop scratching.
Have you joined any ME groups as Im sure there are others who could help with coping also PCOS probably if you started a thread on here you would find lots of support.

Anoneemoose

livingit wrote: »

Hi and congratulations for being open. It must be extremely difficult for you and like a catch 22 situation with ME stopping you exercising and PCOS making you feel unattractive. I don't think a strict diet would help though cos as well as your medication a good steady diet is what you need to help stabilise your mood. I know someone with ME who lost a lot of weight on Slimming World it took a long time and she could not exercise but she felt tons better.
I live with someone with MH issues so I know how hard it is for you to believe your OH but truthfully the most unattractive trait of my OH is the self doubt and need for reassurance. There are times when I have felt that him questioning my loyalty has been more draining than his illness. Try to believe in your OH, dont let self doubt become an itch that you can't stop scratching.
Have you joined any ME groups as Im sure there are others who could help with coping also PCOS probably if you started a thread on here you would find lots of support.

Thanks for your input. It is nice to get the opinion of someone on 'the other side'.

Last night wasn't great - am having a wobble. Picked DH up and it was "boss said this, boss said that". It was all completely innocent and drunken but it certainly didn't help. Particularly when he was so enthusiastic with being out last night, yet didn't seem (probably just me, I know) as excited to go out with me last week.

I am feeling in one of those moods today where I think "shall i tell him it's over, so as not to risk him going off anyway". I probably wouldn't, but I get times where I feel like it's inevitable so might as well anyway. DH knows nothing of how I feel re boss and haven't said anything. Also been at work today so haven't been with him much.

Again, just posting helps!

paulineb_2

Anoneemoose wrote: »

Thanks for your input. It is nice to get the opinion of someone on 'the other side'.

Last night wasn't great - am having a wobble. Picked DH up and it was "boss said this, boss said that". It was all completely innocent and drunken but it certainly didn't help. Particularly when he was so enthusiastic with being out last night, yet didn't seem (probably just me, I know) as excited to go out with me last week.

I am feeling in one of those moods today where I think "shall i tell him it's over, so as not to risk him going off anyway". I probably wouldn't, but I get times where I feel like it's inevitable so might as well anyway. DH knows nothing of how I feel re boss and haven't said anything. Also been at work today so haven't been with him much.

Again, just posting helps!

I think you really need to work on your confidence. If you are really thinking you would leave someone just incase they leave you first I do think its worth considering counselling.

What is the point of making yourself miserable just because you are comparing yourself to his boss?

Im not thin. Ive never been thin. And Ive had weeks, months where Ive felt awful about the way I look and it does dent your confidence.

But you need to realise that weight loss in itself isnt some magic wand that comes along and makes everything about your life so much better.

Its how you feel about yourself you need to work at, this isnt about her, its about you.

Do you exercise? Is there any exercise you can do that doesnt cause you pain?

Healthy eating is fine but its better when you exercise as well.

Anoneemoose

paulineb wrote: »

I think you really need to work on your confidence. If you are really thinking you would leave someone just incase they leave you first I do think its worth considering counselling.

What is the point of making yourself miserable just because you are comparing yourself to his boss?

Im not thin. Ive never been thin. And Ive had weeks, months where Ive felt awful about the way I look and it does dent your confidence.

But you need to realise that weight loss in itself isnt some magic wand that comes along and makes everything about your life so much better.

Its how you feel about yourself you need to work at, this isnt about her, its about you.

Do you exercise? Is there any exercise you can do that doesnt cause you pain?

Healthy eating is fine but its better when you exercise as well.

Thanks.

Unfortunately there is not much I can do. I suffer with a lot of aches and pains which prevents anything strenuous. Even if I feel ok and do anything, I am floored the day after, sometimes resulting in spending the day in bed/laid on sofa.

As I've said before; I know it's me who needs to sort this out and I agree with everything you say! It's just it is easier said than done!

When I lost weight a few yrs ago on Cambridge, I felt fantastic.

As a bit of background; I think my insecurities have been 'ingrained'. I was bullied at school, my biological father (although not abusive) was constantly picking me up and putting me down when was convenient for him. I have been cheated on in the past and my eldest's dad broke up with me after I put weight on because "I didn't do anything for him anymore".

Another Ex was verbally (and on occasion, physically) abusive.

Thanks again!

paulineb_2

Anoneemoose wrote: »

Thanks.

Unfortunately there is not much I can do. I suffer with a lot of aches and pains which prevents anything strenuous. Even if I feel ok and do anything, I am floored the day after, sometimes resulting in spending the day in bed/laid on sofa.

As I've said before; I know it's me who needs to sort this out and I agree with everything you say! It's just it is easier said than done!

When I lost weight a few yrs ago on Cambridge, I felt fantastic.

As a bit of background; I think my insecurities have been 'ingrained'. I was bullied at school, my biological father (although not abusive) was constantly picking me up and putting me down when was convenient for him. I have been cheated on in the past and my eldest's dad broke up with me after I put weight on because "I didn't do anything for him anymore".

Another Ex was verbally (and on occasion, physically) abusive.

Thanks again!

Then you have to try and find a way of getting rid of these insecurities and not allowing the past to stop you moving forward.

You have someone who loves you for you, thats a very big plus

Sometimes we hold onto problems that happened in our past like a security blanket. Ive been there and done that as well.

But it stops you having a healthy future. When we get to the point that every other thought we have is negative, how can that make us happy?

Its impossible to be self critical and happy at the same time.
Spots arent the end of the world. Your partner wants to be with you, weight loss or no weight loss.

Somehow you need to find a way of changing your mindest from whats wrong in your life, to whats actually right in your life.

Anoneemoose

paulineb wrote: »

Then you have to try and find a way of getting rid of these insecurities and not allowing the past to stop you moving forward.

You have someone who loves you for you, thats a very big plus

Sometimes we hold onto problems that happened in our past like a security blanket. Ive been there and done that as well.

But it stops you having a healthy future. When we get to the point that every other thought we have is negative, how can that make us happy?

Its impossible to be self critical and happy at the same time.
Spots arent the end of the world. Your partner wants to be with you, weight loss or no weight loss.

Somehow you need to find a way of changing your mindest from whats wrong in your life, to whats actually right in your life.

Thanks again.

This is quite a good way of summing it up. You're right about being scared to let go and it does feel like I am holding onto something. It's like I daren't believe in myself because whenever I have done before, something (or someone) has metaphorically knocked the confidence out of me.

It feels like it is inevitible that he will realise he doesn't love me and funnily enough, I haven't actually felt like this with him before. I had a few normal inescurities about my body after the birth of our kids but he melted these away by being him.

I suppose more recently, his job has meant a lot more responsibility and with it, stress. This has meant our once very strong marriage has taken a back seat to 'life and kids'.

Apart from the attractiveness of the boss, I envy the closeness of their relationship, albeit a working one. They have a laugh from what I can gather and as the senior people on their team, they are a 'pair'.

We always had fun and did daft things to make each other laugh. - I suppose we still do, but sometimes it seems things have gone stale.

Ramble over!

MrsAtobe

So, what daft thing are you going to do tomorrow to make him laugh? Just a thought, and meant very kindly

Anoneemoose

MrsAtobe wrote: »

So, what daft thing are you going to do tomorrow to make him laugh? Just a thought, and meant very kindly

Not sure! but myself and the little people have lovingly made him a sweetie tree full of ferrero rocher!!.

The more I think about things, the worse I feel.

Regardless of the looks thing, things seem to be different too (although I appreciate I may be reading too much into this). I can't remember the last time he suggested we go out together; it always seems to be me. Not that we go out often, but we do get the chance.

If I ask about work (in general as I always have), he is short sometimes. After discussing this, he says it is because he is stressed with everything that is going on.

I can't help feeling there is some kind of distance between us and I can't really put my finger on it. We do kiss and cuddle and ahem, other things and are sometimes affectionate but there is something different from before.

Maybe this is a normal part of marriage, I know things can't remain the same forever.