Insecure and need help

mummypig321

Hi Anon,
How are you feeling?

Do you know that you don't have to feel guilty for how your feeling? and what you have etc.
Sometimes we get down and have to find a way to pull ourselves up again.
you said in your last post that "i think he is a little fed up of saying the same thing" Can you see this is a negative view? Dont even think this push it away, reinforce the positive, your husband has sat there and said he loves you for who you are. believe it baby!

I see you have also said you are lowering your medication, is this a good idea right now? I see myself in you because as i become lower in mood i push my husband away, why dont you have a chat with the g.p and see if you take baby steps with your meds? I reduce mine once a year because i know i cant handle it any quicker! Your g.p will be looking at how you are feeling not what the book says on anti d's.
I been on meds intermittently for the past 10 years x2 post natal depression, depression at 18 as my parents split up and i was used as the go between and on this occasion. I know if i come off them i will be back on them in ? how many years time.

If a small tablet can keep chemicals in your brain level then why not???
It doesnt matter how long you are on them as long as your are well? Take some pressure off, its hard reducing them i know from experience.
Before you bring them down get back to happy you implement somethings that have been suggested and you can manage.

I write a diary, this sounds extreme but document on an A4 sheet hourly what you have done in the day, every day

Always include things you want to do for yourself, i.e cinema or a drive or reading. things you have to do, ie shopping pay bills clean. things you need to do, ie appointments. the want time has to be half an hour to an hour a day, this gives you time to yourself to do what ever you like!

This is something i do and im not claiming it will cure you or to give this advice on health grounds to you. But if you search on the net it will state that people who fill in a diary are less depressed. pm me if you want a chat or anything because once you take control and do as you please you will feel a lot better.

I am not a specialist in any subject of health however i know what works for me and my experiences.

Take care.

dancingfairy

A few random thoughts from me:
1) you can be really attractive on the outside but you can have an ugly personality. You know your husband loves the real you (not just the superficial version).
2) why not keep a diary/scrapbook of comments people make about you that are nice and positive and uplifting?
3) Is there anything you like about your body? maybe you have nice eyes? nice hair? nice nails for painting? maybe you like your toes? nice skin? a lovely smile? there must be some good bits - you just need to recognise them.
4) what can you do to make yourself feel better about your body? can you treat yourself to a nice new outfit? can you paint your nails? get a new makeup makeover? something just for you.
5) If this is really a big problem for you (and not just the usual body hating thing) then it sounds like you really need some professional help. Maybe you weren't in the right place before, maybe you didn't 'click' with the therapist, maybe they used a technique that wasn't the most helpful on you? Do go back to your gp and have a chat about how bad you are feeling.
Best of Luck
df
Edit: in response to the above poster, I agree a diary can be quite useful. You can use it to document your mood over a period of time and see how much you've progressed. I also agree with the idea of having a balance between important activities and activities that are just for you.

CustardAndPickles

Oh bless you - you're having a rough time of it.
I've had depression, and I have ongoing PCOS with it's lovely furry side effects. I've been where you are, and while I don't know if it's definitely work for you, heres what I did to get over it.

Firstly, it sounds like you're making headway with your depression and you've done well in having a good GP. But you should try and talk to your GP about your "body image" issues - specifically the excess hair. If it's bad enough to be affecting your life / mental health (I was too embarrassed to go out for more than a few hours at a time - I was basically tied to the bathroom sink) then (depending on where you live) you may be able to get free laser treatment on the NHS. That for me was a complete life saver - it was face only but I went from feeling like a man in drag to looking like a "normal" female.

Failing that - if the NHS won't cover it, you can get laser treatment done privately, although I would recommend using one of the big national chains like SK:N for that rather than a local beautician who might not be properly trained in using it. It can be expensive depending on how much and where you want done - but if you take a letter from your GP confirming your PCOS diagnosis, SK:N will knock 20% off the price of laser treatment.

Please don't think it's permanent - its not - but it will result in lighter, finer hair that you can then treat / remove the way that "normal" people do (wax / threading / sugaring) rather than having to shave which I found heartbreaking to have to do every morning and evening.

In relation to the weight - PCOS is a swine. Have a look at the food replacement diets (Lighterlife / Cambridge / Slim And Save / Exante). They will help you lose weight very quickly and it works best if you have support from your partner, which it sounds like you will have. Lighterlife comes with group counselling which can be a great help if you have a good group with a good leader, but a bad group can make it harder because you have to share your thoughts. Slim And Save and Exante are bought online and don't have counselling - but they're cheaper and if you don't like sitting in a group bearing your soul, you may prefer that. They're hard work but they DO work. You just need to remember to eat less when you finish than you were before you started.

Losing the hair - at least facially - will help with the self image no end. I found that helped my self-confidence and in turn my relationship too.

Losing the weight - even if its only a little - will help you feel more in control.

You can get through all this, honestly. Good luck

Netwizard

I'm a guy but I felt I thought I would put my own opinion in.

I have a friend like this, worried about body image and suffers depression etc. Shame really as she is lovely.

It must be hard for women. They are constantly bombarded with airbrushed images in magazines of perfect looking women with zero imperfections, and people end up thinking that this is the way they have to look.

Maybe i'm getting old, but I wouldn't want anyone who looked like that anyway. I'm far from perfect myself, so dont want some supermodel hanging off my arm. I'd rather have someone with a few lumps bumps, bit of meat on them and a great personality, rather than a stunner with the personality of a lamp post!

Your hubbie sounds ace and very supportive. He obviously loves you a lot and accepts you for who you are. Just be careful you don't push him away.

I don't really have much to add but you can be certain that your not the only one who looks in the mirror in a morning and thinks like this, but back in the real world, there are a lot of "normal" blokes just looking for Mrs average.

And just while I was sat here typing this out, I was thinking of the girls who work in our office. Most of them are fairly young mid twenties to mid thirties.
Some of them come in a morning, all dolled up, make up done, hair extensions in, stinking the place out with whatever perfume they decide to have a bath in that morning, and then, you get some of them coming in with no make up on to speak of, hair chucked back, probably eaten brekkie and finished their cuppa in a rush in order to get to work on time, and have a guess which look better?

I guess what I am trying to say in a round about way, is that natural beauty and mrs average, is much more appealing, than anything else.

Being a bloke, i'm quite happy to wonder into the office wearing £6 trousers, £6 t-shirt and £10 trainers, and couldn't really give a toss what others think. OK I wont win Cameron Diaz over, but I wouldn't want her anyway!!

There will be women out there that would kill for the figure you have OP, so don't despair

Anoneemoose

I typed a big reply last night then lost it but I am glad in a way because now I can thank you all!!

The diary idea sounds good because I do often overlook myself!

I think I am going to go back to the doc and say i think I need to stay on the dose I was on with my meds too because although I am not depressed, I have become very 'sensitive'. An example is last night we went out for something to eat and there was an incident where I dropped something, and then did it again!! DH got really impatient and said "god, babe!!". I was a bit embarrassed anyway because we were in a public place but that just made me feel worse. Now DH is not known for his patience (running joke) but normally I would just have laughed off this situation because I know he didn't mean anything by it but last night I just ended up in tears. I felt like he was exasperated and annoyed with me and that he was embarrassed by me too. What I would have liked is for him to laugh with me when I tried to make a joke of it when I did it!

I also think I might need counselling of some sort because it definitely seems to be more than just body hating. It is affecting a lot of my day to day life. I do already do my hair and make up and nails and try and make the best of what I have. However, because of my acne and excess hair, I feel like it's something I can't let slip so it's like a 'necessity' rather than a boost.

Even when I do all of the stuff i do, I still don't feel good. Sometimes I feel better than others but most of the time it doesn't make a lot of difference.

I tried camrbidge a few years ago and i lost 3 stone but I piled it all back on. I have to say, I actually felt great when I had lost the weight - I felt like the old me!! I felt confident in my relationship and if DH's boss had turned up then, I would have compared myself still but I wouldn't have come off so badly!!

When I am overweight as well as having the acne and hair, it gets on top of me. I find it easier to cope with the acne and hair when I am not worrying about my weight as well. I suppose when I have all 3 together, I think what's the point!

I have been to the docs and tried weight loss things with her including orlistat but that made no difference. I am considering slim and save with some work colleagues for support.

Thanks again to you all for taking time to help me. It was especially useful to have a man's point of view as well.xx

tesuhoha

Why don't you have a look at the 5:2 diet thread on here. Its the only diet that has ever worked for me. Its in the health and beauty section. Weight on this diet goes down slowly but its easy to do. I am now 8 stone 9lbs.

mummypig321

Im so pleased for you, you have recognised and decided to challenge a couple of elements you are not happy with. This is the first step in your journey to find a place you want to be. Do keep spuring on with the g.p and make sure you have regular contact, you need to make sure you keep your support network close to you. there are challenging days and happier days to come but on the down days give yourself a big hug and accept how you are feeling, once you accept the day your having it becomes easier to manage.

Netwizard thank you for your thoughts, your opinions have also helped me to see how a man thinks, you sound a lot like my husband!

Please keep us informed of your journey, its really good to see your experiences and allows us looking in on your world to link to our own.

I have also been plagued with acne due to a change of hormones after my daughter was born. I found prescription topical cream burnt my skin on my face however i was told about a skin care product from a friend and everyone i have spoken to raves about it. you can get a skin analysis from a reputable company on the internet, its called der**logica. its expensive but brillant. (I know this is MSE)
Keep in touch, I hope you dont mind my input x A MSE friend

Anoneemoose

mummypig321 wrote: »

Im so pleased for you, you have recognised and decided to challenge a couple of elements you are not happy with. This is the first step in your journey to find a place you want to be. Do keep spuring on with the g.p and make sure you have regular contact, you need to make sure you keep your support network close to you. there are challenging days and happier days to come but on the down days give yourself a big hug and accept how you are feeling, once you accept the day your having it becomes easier to manage.

Netwizard thank you for your thoughts, your opinions have also helped me to see how a man thinks, you sound a lot like my husband!

Please keep us informed of your journey, its really good to see your experiences and allows us looking in on your world to link to our own.

I have also been plagued with acne due to a change of hormones after my daughter was born. I found prescription topical cream burnt my skin on my face however i was told about a skin care product from a friend and everyone i have spoken to raves about it. you can get a skin analysis from a reputable company on the internet, its called der**logica. its expensive but brillant. (I know this is MSE)
Keep in touch, I hope you dont mind my input x A MSE friend

Thank you again for your help. It is so much appreciated.

I have just started slim and save which is similar to cambridge but cheaper. I know that vlcd's aren't the best way to lose weight and keep it off but my aim is to 'be prepared' this time and not go back to my old bad habits once the weight is off.

I know what i really should be aiming to 'be happy with myself whatever size I am' but I honestly can't see that happening - I think that won't be something i'll ever accomplish.

I feel a bit awkard about the meds because I tried reducing the dose a few months ago and i ended up tearful a lot and now, the same again, even though the reduction has been less this time. Maybe I should just accept that for the time being, I need to be on the higher dose.

I am also going to start making my felt 'crafts' (like keyrings etc) because this keeps me busy on a night.

I shall keep updating this thread, to let you know how I get on.xx

tayforth

Just wanted to delurk and say that I have been following your thread. I really admire your honesty and courage in posting here and asking for help. You seem like a lovely person and I'm sure that your OH means it when he says he loves you. Personality counts for a lot more than looks when it comes to relationships, your OH clearly thinks that you a a wonderful person.

But I understand, as a woman, that you want to feel confident about yourself as well.

It's sometimes difficult to believe the positive things that others say about us, especially when we're feeling self-conscious about some aspect of our appearance. Taking steps to make yourself feel good will benefit you. Sometimes, it's nice just to indulge in a little pampering, and it's amazing what a difference even small things will make.

Also, remember to take some time to focus on your 'best bits' - everyone has at least one feature that they like!

I think that you've had some fantastic advice so far, and I hope that you will keep posting and let us know how you're getting on.

xxx

Alchemilla

Hi OP.

Nothing helpful to add but wanting to wish you luck.x