marrige falling apart .don't know what to do

crying_inside

New name have posted on this site under other name.

I just dont know where to start, sent on a mobile phone so excuse grammar/ spelling mistakes.
Ok been together with partner 14 yrs. Married last September. My wife had walked out on me last Saturday. She is renting an unfurnished house opposite me. Took our 3 beautiful children and her eldest daughter. She says that she can't take anymore, loves me deeply as I do her. We have sslept together since she left and also kissed and cuddled. I have cried . She says she is being string fir the kids although she is crippled with pain as I am. She has also said she will come back , but when , she does bot know. Naturally I want her back now, as she is getting furniture and things that she did not take from our home. She is making a home for herself. Again I understand shy . It's for the kids but still I hate the idea and is like a knife stab to the heart.
Now everyone has ups and downs , I think we as a couple have had more downs than ups. We never really got off to a good start. I had just walked out from another family and I moved 300miles away.Problems started almost straight away.
My wife has never been good with money. Always people chasing her but she put this onto me. She has taken large amounts of money from me and credit cards I have throughout the yrs also money I have saved . From ppi claims..so basically I am up to my eyes in debt with a mortgage and a ccj secured on the house. That has been ignored . Ccj was down to my wife not paying something off in my name. Talking a long time ago. These pressure and strain build up with me and I have got drunk and blown up. To the point where I have pushed my wife around . The police have been involved where I have been arrested twice. I am very very paranoid about things from the many lies and also bow far my wife will go to hide a lie. Even when I know the truth it s very frustrating.
A years ago my wife who is 43 yrs old told me she had cancer and is terminal a year to a half . With treatment a year on top . She opted for no treatment ??. So last Sept we had a no bells or whistle wedding.I lost my job vain redundancy in Oct. With my as she says condition I did not seek work , but decided we would claim I/S care' allowance . .since December. When claim went in. We never got one penny. Apparently as my wife says a dwp manager fraud us and took our money. She is still to this day we are owed 24 k in back payments and compensation. Again time comes when money due in bank it never arrives so next pay day is Monday.she has also messed me about with critical insurance claim. When she told me this I went into another world started talking to a Romanian cam girl. Bad mistake I know. And the Mrs found out. It ripped her apart. Yet like a fool I carried on for a bit after..so this was one excuse for canceling the insurance claim. I have tried to someone she has named as her consultant , yet can't go no further due to data protection. So I'm stumped on finding the truth. But I still believe she has cancer. But ...she has lied before. In fact I think she made this up because of that cam girl .
I said to her that I believe she is running away from the brown stuff she Has put me in. While she has the benefits we lived off before . Cb cc and supposed dla I have got nothing. No income . But still got all household bills gas elec payment cards . So I'm believing her that what she says about the back money being due. I know I have been told to leave her. But love is blind and I still want her back.
Yesterday I connected up her cooker .she has helped me with food since. Not much . But I can't eat anyway. She bought jersey potatoes bacon and cabbage. Did not offer me a meal upset me a great deal. When she is getting all the help she needs .yet I do not know where to start. I have rang the dwp about this back money . Yet no one can tell me anything. So I'm wondering if this is a lie also.
Yes she has Said she will come back when she is ready. She Saud that she is surprised that I have reacted the opposite . Ie sell house move on. But I can't she and the kids are my world. Although at times I have messed up with them all by the pressure and strain. Drinking stupid causing rows and more I have broke things in the past. And the day she left I got drunk .took tv off her smashed it then proceeded to wreck the house and this my kids saw. So really I have only myself time blame.but I'm so so desperAte to have it all back and make my mistakes good and hope to put smiles on faces . But I'm worried and scared that this will not happen.
So as it it I have no money. A lot of debt that I'm paying a pound a month for. But am being chased. I dont want to go down the jsa claim route as this will put more strain in me. Also if it's true about my wife's condition . I want to be with her..
What can I do to win her back ? What can I do for money ? . ;

Money_maker

You need help - a lot of serious help to get you through your anger problems.

Your wife also needs help, sounds like she is a compulsive liar (according to your side). You are better off apart. Heaven help the children and what they've witnessed.

Pixiechic

Yes, you do need help, as money maker has suggested.

From what you say, your wife has removed herself and her children from an abusive environment.

What can you do to 'win' her back? My opinion is that you can't 'win' her back, it's going to take some work. Your drinking sounds like its an issue and the result is violence and abuse.

Right now, get the help you need, which may take time. In your wife's position, she was right to remove the children from that environment.

I don't mean to sound mean, but if you have no money, how did/do you afford to get drunk?

Your wife sounds like she needs help too.

mummyroysof3

2 things I would suggest....she if doctor can refer you for some counselling/anger management, get to job centre and claim job seekers and look for a job. Also I hope you have cleaned the house up after trashing it for your kids sake. Do you have support from parents or siblings? Is selling the house to clear debt a possibility?

Pixiechic

marisco wrote: »

Is it just me that thinks this thread screams 'half term troll'

I didn't realise it was a troll

crying_inside

I would not say it's anger problems I have. It s being pushed to the brink. It has been good . A marriage it takes 2 . But how when I am paranoid about her lies. I want to believe she has cancer. Who would lie and say that ? That ripped me apart time the point I denied it . To be told that someone u love is going to die in that way .so young. It would mess up any ones head. I started making a nest egg for me and the kids .I found that she took it around 6 weeks ago. I slept in the setter to stay out of jersey way as it hurt me . For 3 days . She begged me to give back to bed and as for abusive . She has laid into me physically . Punching .slapping .throng things. Dropping hand full of tablets down her neck in front of me. Hit her self over the head with a bottle . Blaming cancer .

crying_inside

Yes I cleaned the house up . No I don't have any family up here and claiming jsa is just not an option for me. I don't think I could take the pressure of being forced to take a job I know I got to pick up the pieces eventually. But right now I can't concentrate on anything but getting my family back.

crying_inside

No selling the house is not an option. I walked away from 2 kids for this woman what killed need inside. Time is a great healer.for that. But I just can't walk away . I love them all too much .

mummyroysof3

Do you want her back? Seriously you need to think about how all what you two do affects the kids tbh

mummyroysof3

My suggestion of selling the house was if you can clear the debt you can make a fresh start

mummyroysof3

You may eventually loose it if you continue to not work and won't claim job seakers