Am I wrong to feel a little peeved?

LannieDuck

It depends entirely on how much you actually do during the day.

It's all very well saying she has unrealistic expectations, and she makes a fuss about the garden, but she also works 7-8 hours (?) a day. How many hours do you work a day?

You say you have to job hunt and you're in a pain sometimes, but you don't say (as far as I can see), how busy you are during the day. How much time would you say you spent doing chores/job hunting each day, and how much do you spend with your feet up in front of the TV (if any)?

To put my response in context: I work full-time, and my OH is a SAHD. We don't have a neat and tidy house (lol!), but I don't feel resentment towards my OH because I know he's busy chasing around after our 2 year old all day, taking her to the park, shopping, cooking, etc.

paulineb_2

I also think if she is wanting home improvements done, you shouldnt necessarily be the one to do them. Some people are lucky in that they are married to joiners etc and people can do a lot with their homes.

I live in a very ordinary council flat, my landlord is responsible for certain repairs. My mum has done painting for me in the past because I will readily admit that I am absolutely rubbish at DIY.

But as I said before, my home is clean and to me clean is what matters. I dont have to have the best of everything, I certainly dont have that. And Ive known people who are compulsive about housework, Ive known people who hardly do any.

Its finding the compromise that makes you both happy. If I won the lottery Id change a few things, but until then, I make do with what I have.

And anyone who comes to visit me isnt looking to see what I have or what I dont have, they are coming to see me. And its easier on your own because if you make a mess and you dont tidy it for a day or so, theres no one bending your ear to get it done.

The thing is, its reasonable to expect that while shes at work you do some of the housework, but I dont think anyone would expect you to spend 40 hours a week on it.

Also, theres the unspoken assumption that because you arent working, that you should be doing x, y and z.

But I bet you, if your wife costed a cleaner, someone who painted, did odd jobs, gardening, it could add up to an absolute fortune.

Also, if there are jobs that are affecting your health, Id say, dont do anything thats going to make your health worse, it needs to come first.

There is something fundamentally wrong when things are at the point when you cant ask mates over, because of the way the house looks when theres actually nothing much wrong with it.

thegirlintheattic

I think the non-working partner should do the housework; I certainly did the majority when I was part-time, although it is now shared with me doing cleaning and OH doing cooking.

I would be a bit peeved if OH was saying things like that to friends, and I think you need to speak to her about that.

It sounds like your idea of clean is different to hers, we have a similar problem but don't let it wind us up. I'm the type who can easily ignore the pile of ironing needing to be done and the couple of cups on the table, whereas OH would probably prefer to live in a show house. We compromise and cope. Occasionally OH forgets the compromise and gets annoyed at something, when this happens he is reminded that he is more than capable of tidying up himself.

But no wonder your OH is a bit annoyed if you speak to her like you've suggested on this thread.

emsaint

My husband stays at home with our son and i work. Before we had our son, my husband stayed at home due to being seriously ill and recovering. Sometimes i'll moan about the state of our house but never to anybody but him. My moaning is my problem as our house is clean but sometimes it looks like a bomb has hit it. I know i have the easier option going to work. i'm going to go home tonight and give my husband a huge cuddle as i've never fully appreciated what he does at home until i read this thread

neverdespairgirl

Leaving aside anything else, I'd be very upset if OH were criticising me to people outside our relationship. I never, ever criticise him to other people, apart from very minor things which don't matter, if that makes sense! And only ever in front of him, too, never when he's not there.

andygb

neverdespairgirl wrote: »

Leaving aside anything else, I'd be very upset if OH were criticising me to people outside our relationship. I never, ever criticise him to other people, apart from very minor things which don't matter, if that makes sense! And only ever in front of him, too, never when he's not there.

I found her out on that last year, when we went to one of her colleagues houses, and someone asked me why it was taking me so long to do the decorating. I replied that there were only a couple of bits left (a replacement light switch and some touching up on the woodwork), and that the room was finished.
The problem is with seeking perfection, nothing is ever finished.:(

heartbreak_star

I just want to give you a hug and make you a nice cup of tea, Andy!

HBS x

thehappybutterfly

heartbreak_star wrote: »

I just want to give you a hug and make you a nice cup of tea, Andy!

HBS x

Me too! A cuppy, a hug and a big smacker of a kiss just for being there go a long way in my life!

treeze

kick her out and I'll move in,Andy:rotfl:Years of living has taught me that dust under the tv stand matters not a jot.When you're onyour deah bed bet you won't be thinking "at least my house was always perfect" and that won't be what people remember you for either.I'm easy to live with and will even make YOUR breakfast in the morning!:T

pollypenny

You don't mention any kids or pets, Andy.

If there are just the two of you how long does your housework, cooking, laundry etc take?