Am I wrong to feel a little peeved?

lostinrates

Treevo wrote: »

My point is that someone with at least forty hours a week of nothing to do should be easily be able to keep a house spotless.

You may not want your house to be spotless and that's fine, but you're not living with the OP. Your version of adequate will obviously be very different to mine.

OP states he has time but not always unimpaired by pain. Something's are harder to do with pain, so
Me are pretty much contra indicated for some ailments.

E.g. I am not meant to lift heavy things or bend (neurological condition). I do both, but as rarely as possible. I am never going to feel motivated enough to risk my health to dust under the tv, but I would hover in front of it to suck as much dust out, and swipe as much as I could around it. Dusting behind it is sadly, a less regular job than I feel it should be, the risk of accident it just too high.

Dusting the front and sides is weekly (or more if needed/remembered)

cherylsurrey

Could it be that your wife is resentful that she's the only one working and is feeling under pressure to earn and pay for everything potentially for a long period, and to get you back and vent her frustration she is having a go and finding fault. It sounds like you both don't have the lifestyle you once had due to less money.

I really feel for you, as it is hard out there to find work, could you maybe look at getting some advice on improving your CV, maybe get someone else to look at it, see if there is anything you can do to improve your skills to find some work, even if it's the odd day here and there part time around your health problems.

zaxdog

I have been out of work for two months (just got a new job :j)

In our house whilst OH is working (from home) and I am not we have three cooked meals a day and I do all the housework, laundry etc. We share the gardening as we both like it and at weekends he likes to cook. Our mantra is: "We are a team and we are on an adventure"

Just off to make him a wee lunch roll: morning roll with tattie scone, lorne and egg lol!

thehappybutterfly

and here's me thinking that slavery had been abolished!

<<trots back to start of thread to read the rest>>

Primrose

With tongue in cheek I'd be tempted to stick up a large notice saying "nobody notices what I do until I stop doing it". Then sit in an armchair with a pint of beer in your hand when she comes home from work!This should act as an interesting prelude to the frank discussion you should both be having on how you both conduct domestic maintenance chores. Seriously, tell her how you feel. There's no point in letting resentment build up. If you both have different benchmark standards or priorities for domestic cleaning and gardening chores, you need to be able to jointly negotiate and prioritise.

desert_rose

We've neighbours in a similar predicament to yours. She works and he's at home through redundancy a year ago. At first, they were sanguine about it until fairly recently, when she became verbally abusive about him being home to anybody who would listen. It became embarrassing to hear her talk down to him and find fault with everything he did.

Anyway, despite him doing everything in the home, applying for any job that came up, fitting in diy and gardening chores whenever he could, she started to isolate him from friends and family by constantly going on about how much she did and how little he did. It was very unpleasant.

Finally, he snapped, told her where to go and made an appointment to see a solicitor to sort out a legal separation.

It was a wake-up call for her and made her realise that she had a thoroughly decent hubbie and that although they'd fallen on tough times, it wasn't the end of the world and they'd get through it together if they worked on the relationship.
Maybe, a wake-up call is needed here?

picklekin

I have anxiety problems and find it difficult to find a place to work where I feel comfortable, I actually have a job ATM which is not amazing and certainly not what I studied for but I can cope with it. Anyway....

For years, at least 3, I did not work, or tried to do silly money making schemes to earn a few pounds (never very well!). I always felt it was my job to keep the house vaguely tidy and keep the washing up to date and dinner on the table. My hubby was always telling me to do LESS, he said he wanted to do his share (he already did the hoovering as I am puny thing with a bad back!).

As someone else stated, your not a slave, you need to sit down and talk about who will do/CAN do what around the house. Its a partnership and it seems that your wife thinks that she is somehow your employer not the love of your life.

busiscoming2

cherylsurrey wrote: »

Could it be that your wife is resentful that she's the only one working and is feeling under pressure to earn and pay for everything potentially for a long period, and to get you back and vent her frustration she is having a go and finding fault. It sounds like you both don't have the lifestyle you once had due to less money.

I really feel for you, as it is hard out there to find work, could you maybe look at getting some advice on improving your CV, maybe get someone else to look at it, see if there is anything you can do to improve your skills to find some work, even if it's the odd day here and there part time around your health problems.

This is exactly my thoughts. I understand how hard things must be for you with your pain and the way she puts you down is dreadful but I daresay she is is feeling frustrated and possibly angry at having to be the main breadwinner.

You need to sit down and talk.

heartbreak_star

I think your Mrs sounds like a bit of a pain in the backside. If she wants things that perfect she can do it herself.

HBS x

Rexxsi

It seems to me like she's frustrated that she is the only one bringing money into the relationship... I might be wrong, might be right, but the only way of finding out is to talk to her.