Am I wrong to feel a little peeved?

fannyadams

Soz but I couldn't resist this Joke

ViolaLass

Have you talked to your wife about how you feel?

Do you like the arrangement you have?

Why not tell her to make her own breakfast, for example?

tattycath

andygb wrote: »

Yes because she questioned me about it, and was not satisfied when I said that I thought I had locked it.
"Thinking" is apparently not good enough for a perfectionist.;)

On the whole, it seems that she treats you appallingly and takes you for granted. However, regarding the door. If I think I've locked the door but am in any way unsure I would rather it was checked-I'm not a perfectionist but security is important

andygb

kelpie35 wrote: »

I think you need to sit down with your OH and tell her how much her criticism is upsetting you.

You are trying your best re garden but have no control over the weather.

Do you have any outside interests out of the home that you enjoy?

We go to the gym together, or go for long walks, and most of the time we get on really well.
The problem is, that sometimes, out of nowhere, she will go into a rant which to my mind is unexplainable, and sometimes involves something really petty, like putting the bins out or the ridiculous dusting thing.

andygb

tattycath wrote: »

On the whole, it seems that she treats you appallingly and takes you for granted. However, regarding the door. If I think I've locked the door but am in any way unsure I would rather it was checked-I'm not a perfectionist but security is important

I think that I may actually get her to double check when I lock the doors, rather than have her just sit in the car, waiting for me to do everything.
The problem is, the more you make someone doubt themselves, the more pressure that applies.

Janepig

I work part time (school hours), DH works full time. I go straight from school drop off to work, then straight from work to school pick up, then each day there are various places to take DD/DS, or stuff to do, etc... DH thinks I come home and sit on my arris, so when I was in hospital for an unexpected emergency op for five days just after Easter, he had a bit of an eye opener and now realises that Mams Taxi is pretty invaluable (along with all the other stuff I apparently don't do :D).

Jx

marisco_2

I dont blame you for feeling a bit peeved. Most people would if their partner disrespectfuly informed friends that they couldn't visit, because him indoors did nothing all day and let the house go to pot. Have you sat down together and addressed this with her and let her know how these comments make you feel? Or is it all bottled up inside, festering?

As I am sure you would be in agreement with, it is fair that as you are at home you should do the majority of the household and garden jobs. Obviously that is going to be weather permitting with regards to work in the garden. What would be the point of going out there when it is lashing down. Nothing can really be done and you run the risk of walking all manner of muck and bullets back through the house, god forbid hey! With regard to days out, there has to be agreement between you that if you do this it means putting chores and jobs on hold in order to spend quality time together and enjoy each others company. I know what would be more important to me.

I still dont think it should fall all on you though, or that you should be held up and blamed when workmen dont meet standards. As your wife has a 5 day working week then so should you with your household responsibilities and the rest of whatever needs doing in the home should be shared. That all comes down to working as a team and pulling together in my book.

I think you need to have a frank and open discussion with her and clear the air. Hope you can sort this out and start to feel appreciated.

lostinrates

andygb wrote: »

We go to the gym together, or go for long walks, and most of the time we get on really well.
The problem is, that sometimes, out of nowhere, she will go into a rant which to my mind is unexplainable, and sometimes involves something really petty, like putting the bins out or the ridiculous dusting thing.

It's probably pretty tough being married to a perfectionist. It's tough being one. The 'rants' possibly do not come out of nowhere for her. They are probably simmering away under the surface often.

This is something I find I am working on more and more in recent times, because I don't think its fair on my dh, who is fabulous. But the thing that really helps more than anything is really, really good communication. Dh and I are able to laugh at my fraught perfectionism which is helping make it less important to me, and thus less impactful on him.

Is there a cultural influence at play here too? Is the sahh thing hard for her/family to fully come to terms with? It doesn't make it 'ok' but it does perhaps add a small frisson of something she has to fight against within her self, adding to her frustration levels. Perhaps you feel the same?

elsien

Treevo wrote: »

On the one hand you're not working so you should be doing all the cleaning and frankly the house should be spotless. It doesn't take that much effort unless you live in a mansion.
.

Adequate would do me fine. I don't do spotless, never have, never will, regardless of who's working and who isn't. I have my own standards which generally meet basic hygiene levels, if my partner wants over and above they can do it themselves. And I don't think I know anyone who has every evening and weekend as "me" time. Nice idea though it is, life's not like that, the days of the little wife/wife substitute meekly staying at home and having everything done and slippers warmed ready for when the OH comes home are long gone. Thank god.
As others have said, you need to have a proper conversation about the issues and how to address them between you - sounds like you're both seething away underneath, not necessarily about the same things.

Treevo

elsien wrote: »

Adequate would do me fine. I don't do spotless, never have, never will, regardless of who's working and who isn't. I have my own standards which generally meet basic hygiene levels, if my partner wants over and above they can do it themselves. And I don't think I know anyone who has every evening and weekend as "me" time. Nice idea though it is, life's not like that, the days of the little wife/wife substitute meekly staying at home and having everything done and slippers warmed ready for when the OH comes home are long gone. Thank god.
As others have said, you need to have a proper conversation about the issues and how to address them between you - sounds like you're both seething away underneath, not necessarily about the same things.

My point is that someone with at least forty hours a week of nothing to do should be easily be able to keep a house spotless.

You may not want your house to be spotless and that's fine, but you're not living with the OP. Your version of adequate will obviously be very different to mine.