Am I wrong to feel a little peeved?

andygb

fluffnutter wrote: »

Who does??

It is one of those black, glossy bases, and if you squint at it from just the right angle, you can see the dust - so I am reliably informed by my OH;)

fluffnutter

andygb wrote: »

I have suggested it, but her answer is that without her we would be out on the street.

Ooh, nasty. Reminding your OH, the person you love most in the world, of their supposed debt of gratitude for the 'sacrifices' you make is really, really bad behaviour. She should want to do what she does.. does she? Sounds like she's resentful. How did you come about her being at work and your being at home? Was this forced on you through circumstances, e.g. you lost your job or was it something you decided would work best for you as a couple/family?

MrsDrink

My ideal would be to earn enough for MrD to pack in his job.
For this to happen I would like (need?) him to:
* Clean the bathrooms, kitchen.
* Tidy and hoover the rest of the house as and when needed (certainly not daily)
* Keep on top of the garden as and when he could
* Prepare all week day evening meals (with enough left overs for my lunch).
* Do any minor DIY jobs
Anything else we could share - like doing the clothes it wouldn't be the end of the world if I had to put a load on at the weekends. Or if I had to take the bins out on my way out on Monday mornings. (Random things that don't take much time).
I would also want him to be 'free' when I am. So like Lazer says - I wouldn't want him to be working at the weekends so we could spend some quality time together.

AndyGB - how long have you lived together in the above situation? Is it relatively new? MrD and I have been living together for coming up to 10 years so our standards are pretty much inline with each other now, well apart from the dirty-laundry-on-the-bedroom-floor predicament :rotfl:

fluffnutter

andygb wrote: »

It is one of those black, glossy bases, and if you squint at it from just the right angle, you can see the dust - so I am reliably informed by my OH;)

Tell her to stop squinting at the telly stand from just the right angle. Life's too short. My motto - if it doesn't smell bad, it's probably clean enough

chris_n_tj

Why not go on strike? That way your wife will maybe realise just how hard you work in the home. x

MrsDrink

Sorry took too long posting my last comment - didn't see you'd responded to me (and in the process answered my question about how long you'd been together). I think it's remarkable you 'only' feel 'a little peeved'.

andygb wrote: »

I do say it, but she just says - "well it doesn't look clean" or "you haven't dusted under the television"
I know for a fact that she has never used our Dyson which I bought back in 2005/6, because she didn't choose it - her excuse.
She accuses me of braking appliances - which wear out, and I have to point out that they will never break while she is using them, for one simple reason.
Even when I was in work, I used to take care of all the household admin stuff - insurance, banks, mortgage, utilities, organising holidays.
Her favourite thing at the moment, is to compare me with her younger workmates (less than half my age and no health problems) and tell me how much work they do on their house improvements.
I get up every morning and get HER breakfast - 6.00AM in the week.
I think that she knows how much I love her though, and is taking advantage:(

andygb wrote: »

I have suggested it, but her answer is that without her we would be out on the street. She seems to forget who was the main wage earner for the first fifteen years of our marriage.

So wrong on so many levels.
Without you she wouldn't be able to have such a job!! (I said as much in my last post - my list are the things I would need from MrD because they are things I just wouldn't have the time, energy, or effort to be able to do. By him doing those I would be 'free' to be able to earn more for both of us to be able to enjoy.)

andygb

lazer wrote: »

It can be very unmotivating going out to work in the morning, with the hisband still in bed, then coming home to him saying how busy he has been, when you know he spent the first half of the morning in bed.
It can also be very unmotivating to not be appreciated for all the housework you do - although the thing with housework is that you only really notice when it hasn't been done - not when it has!

I get up every morning at 6.00 and the OH comes down to a breakfast. This morning by 10.00 I had cleaned the kitchen, vacuumed the house, and there is a load of washing in the machine.
Last weekend she spent half a day "experimenting" making cookies, and the kitchen which I had cleaned on the Friday was left looking like a bombsite:(
We went out on Saturday, and had just driven off in the car, when she asked me if I had locked the back door, and I said "I think so". She then said "What do you mean, you think so, you will have to go back and check it!". So we went back, and after an argument, I managed to get her to check it (I had locked it as I thought). I then gave her a bit of a lecture about taking responsibility for certain things and not relying on others all the time, which then meant the next few hours were spent in a bad mood:(

kelpie35

I think you need to sit down with your OH and tell her how much her criticism is upsetting you.

You are trying your best re garden but have no control over the weather.

Do you have any outside interests out of the home that you enjoy?

Treevo

I can kind of see both sides. On the one hand you're not working so you should be doing all the cleaning and frankly the house should be spotless. It doesn't take that much effort unless you live in a mansion.

On the other hand she's out of order telling her friends that you do nothing - unless, of course, your version of an acceptable standard of cleaning is lower than the usual standards.

I don't think you should criticise her for holding people working for you to high standards, especially if you're living in a nice house as a result. It can be very annoying when your OH wants you to be nicey nicey and just accept substandard work because they're more concerned that the kitchen fitter likes them.

Treevo

andygb wrote: »

I get up every morning at 6.00 and the OH comes down to a breakfast. This morning by 10.00 I had cleaned the kitchen, vacuumed the house, and there is a load of washing in the machine.
Last weekend she spent half a day "experimenting" making cookies, and the kitchen which I had cleaned on the Friday was left looking like a bombsite:(
We went out on Saturday, and had just driven off in the car, when she asked me if I had locked the back door, and I said "I think so". She then said "What do you mean, you think so, you will have to go back and check it!". So we went back, and after an argument, I managed to get her to check it (I had locked it as I thought). I then gave her a bit of a lecture about taking responsibility for certain things and not relying on others all the time, which then meant the next few hours were spent in a bad mood:(

You made her check it? You gave her a lecture on responsibility?

I don't think the reason your wife doesn't want her friends in the house is anything to do with your cleaning skills.