Affair, can't forget

waccoe_2

morocha wrote: »

She is a cheater and by the sounds of it, a horrible person... What are her good qualities ?

To be fair, she is not a horrible person but I think she has more issues and problems than I have.
She is a wonderful Mother, keeps the house immaculate, great company, entertaining, takes great care in the way she looks, she just seems to take her depression and anxieties out on me.
I know someone will pick fault with what I have just written, but please remember, I am but a mere man who struggles to communicate.

waccoe_2

And as a stupid man, I thought our sex life was great until she dropped the bombshell that I mentioned in an earlier post.

kelpie35

I think it is so sad the life you have lived for the last 6 years. You are now realizing that you have existed and not lived.

Again I will stress that you are entitled to a much happier life and you should be congratulated on the steps you have take so far.

I can see from all your previous posts that you have always had difficulties with any confrontation in the home and only wanted to have a happy family home.

Please continue to attend you counselling sessions.

May I add if the tables were turned you would have posters shouting at you "GET OUT IMMEDIATELY"

waccoe_2

kelpie35 wrote: »

I add if the tables were turned you would have posters shouting at you "GET OUT IMMEDIATELY"

Yes, that is exactly what I was thinking when I re-read it but I am not frightened of her voilence, just her mouth! Although there have been a few times when I have left the house or slept with a chair behind the door.

Pixiechic

poet123 wrote: »

This seems to have come from left field, can you elaborate?

You quoted me on your post 349, I responded.

Not come from left field.

paulineb_2

kelpie35 wrote: »

I think it is so sad the life you have lived for the last 6 years. You are now realizing that you have existed and not lived.

Again I will stress that you are entitled to a much happier life and you should be congratulated on the steps you have take so far.

I can see from all your previous posts that you have always had difficulties with any confrontation in the home and only wanted to have a happy family home.

Please continue to attend you counselling sessions.

May I add if the tables were turned you would have posters shouting at you "GET OUT IMMEDIATELY"

Actually, I said many pages back that I felt that it was going to be a difficult job to save this marriage.

Also, unless someone actually discloses that a partner has tried to come at them with a hammer, how can you advise someone on what to do.

I dont condone violence towards anyone, male or female, but I do think if someone is being hit, punched and someone tries to go for them with a hammer, even if they love that person and are in denial about what they are suffering, on some level, they know they are being abused.

I wouldnt say to anyone stay with a partner who tried to attack someone with a hammer, whether they were male or female.
And I think if the OP had mentioned that fact a number of pages ago he might have got some very different responses from people.

waccoe_2

paulineb wrote: »

Actually, I said many pages back that I felt that it was going to be a difficult job to save this marriage.

Also, unless someone actually discloses that a partner has tried to come at them with a hammer, how can you advise someone on what to do.

I dont condone violence towards anyone, male or female, but I do think if someone is being hit, punched and someone tries to go for them with a hammer, even if they love that person and are in denial about what they are suffering, on some level, they know they are being abused.

I wouldnt say to anyone stay with a partner who tried to attack someone with a hammer, whether they were male or female.
And I think if the OP had mentioned that fact a number of pages ago he might have got some very different responses from people.

Hi paulineb
I appreciate the number of times you have posted on this thread, I will be honest with you, I haven't responded because I dont agree with most of what you have said.
I can see how it looks that I haven't mentioned any voilence before now but it never felt that important. Her words hurt me far more than a punch or a kick could ever do.

vanessav

I know that it is the words your wife uses rather than the violence that has hurt you. Nevertheless, you do need to be on your guard. If she discovers (or suspects) that you have told the coucillor about her behaviour, she may have a strong urge to punish you (in her mind she may think that you are being a 'victim' or trying to get sympathy). She clearly has a distorted way of thinking about you and feels it is OK to hurt you as much as she likes without anyone interferring.
Of course she may see that her marriage is in the balance and realise that she has to behave in a more reasonable way. But do be careful.

kelpie35

waccoe wrote: »

Hi paulineb
I appreciate the number of times you have posted on this thread, I will be honest with you, I haven't responded because I dont agree with most of what you have said.
I can see how it looks that I haven't mentioned any voilence before now but it never felt that important. Her words hurt me far more than a punch or a kick could ever do.

Waccoe, I do understand your reasons for not bring that up before and it only goes to prove how much you love your wife.

You have always come across as a person who is loyal to end, and that has to be admired.

Try to concentrate on what you have learnt from your counselling sessions so far. If possible try to build a social network that can also support you. I know you find that hard but try taking small steps.

Take care :A

marisco_2

waccoe wrote: »

Her words hurt me far more than a punch or a kick could ever do.

I can really understand where you are coming from here. I suffered both emotional and physical abuse in my marriage and ended it seven years ago. My ex husband was much bigger and stronger than me and the attacks and beatings I endured hurt like hell. At one stage I had an imprint on my arm of my ex husbands hand in bruises, from where he had grabbed me and pinned me down.

That said it was the emotional abuse that was far more hurtful and harmful to me at the time and in the months that followed when I was trying to rebuild my life and start over. The devastating impact of someone's words are often totally underestimated.