Affair, can't forget

waccoe_2

poet123 wrote: »

Ok. gloves off. The "abuse" (which of course it is, if it is as stated) was only mentioned way down the line, I have to say I am not buying this at face value.

The counsellor said she (the wife) was a bully etc, etc, simply on the say so of a new client? not buying that either, if that happened, that professional is breaking several codes of practice.

There are two sides to every story and on MSE it is very easy to manipulate those with their own baggage to the way of thinking of any given poster if you read the signs correctly.

There is way more to this than meets the eye.

Poet, I will reply to this tomorrow, because at the moment I am so offended by this post and I have always really respected your other posts, sleep well everyone.

poet123

waccoe wrote: »

Poet, I will reply to this tomorrow, because at the moment I am so offended by this post and I have always really respected your other posts, sleep well everyone.

I await your response with interest. It was not my intent to offend but to be honest.

Sadly, offence is often a side effect of such honesty. If, as you say you have respected my previous posts, the fact that I am not saying what you wish to hear should not negate that respect.

justme111

waccoe wrote: »

Hi paulineb
I appreciate the number of times you have posted on this thread, I will be honest with you, I haven't responded because I dont agree with most of what you have said.
I can see how it looks that I haven't mentioned any voilence before now but it never felt that important. Her words hurt me far more than a punch or a kick could ever do.

Waccoe , that's why people who have some issues to ponder about seek other people's perspectives and opinions - because they understand they themselves probably have somewhat distorted view of things. I have disagreed with Pauline more than once on other topics but her posts here make sense. So do poet's posts. We know its not your wife's grabbing a hummer but her words that hurt .

seven-day-weekend

I'm a simple soul and if things are as the OP says then I don't think his wife likes or respects him very much. She may have done once, but she doesn't now. She doesn't want his company, she can't wait to get away from him, she can't see any good in anything he does.

I think he ought to ask her if she wants to stay married to him and if so they need to do something about it together. (And also if not, they need to do something about it together).

It is wrong to treat another human being that way, let alone someone who is allegedly someone you once loved enough to marry and have five children with.

I personally thinks that for some reason she enjoys hurting him, it satisfies a need in herself. My husband's mother was the same, said really hurtful things to both her husband and her son, but somehow she felt as though SHE was the one who was being wronged. I think the OP's wife is like this. It is a destructive relationship. I also think that if she IS like this, then nothing he does will ever please her, it won't ever be enough.

If she won't talk to him about it, or do anything about it, then he will have to do it on his own, with the knowledge and understanding that comes from his counselling.

kelpie35

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

I'm a simple soul and if things are as the OP says then I don't think his wife likes or respects him very much. She may have done once, but she doesn't now. She doesn't want his company, she can't wait to get away from him, she can't see any good in anything he does.

I think he ought to ask her if she wants to stay married to him and if so they need to do something about it together. (And also if not, they need to do something about it together).

It is wrong to treat another human being that way, let alone someone who is allegedly someone you once loved enough to marry and have five children with.

I personally thinks that for some reason she enjoys hurting him, it satisfies a need in herself. My husband's mother was the same, said really hurtful things to both her husband and her son, but somehow she felt as though SHE was the who was being wronged. I think the OP's wife is like this. It is a destructive relationship. I also think that if she IS like this, then nothing he does will ever please her, it won't ever be enough.

If she won't talk to him about it, or do anything about it, then he will have to do it on his own, with the knowledge and understanding that comes from his counselling.

That is a very constructive post and makes so much sense. :A

Waccoe, please allow yourself time to digest this post. I too believe that decisions have to be made in the very near future as this will continue to destroy you as a person.

waccoe_2

poet123 wrote: »

Ok. gloves off. The "abuse" (which of course it is, if it is as stated) was only mentioned way down the line, I have to say I am not buying this at face value.

The counsellor said she (the wife) was a bully etc, etc, simply on the say so of a new client? not buying that either, if that happened, that professional is breaking several codes of practice.

There are two sides to every story and on MSE it is very easy to manipulate those with their own baggage to the way of thinking of any given poster if you read the signs correctly.

There is way more to this than meets the eye.

Good morning Poet,

I didn't reply last night as I had enjoyed a couple of glasses of wine and I wanted a clear head.

Hopefully no one knows me on here but to read "The "abuse" (which of course it is, if it is as stated) was only mentioned way down the line, I have to say I am not buying this at face value." It reads to me that you think I may be lying or exaggerating, if you knew me you wouldn't think that and I am not trying to get you all on here on my side as you don't know us, I don't see it as a popularity contest.
I explained earlier that the voilence never seemed important to me, I always just thought that it was part of her temper, once she had run out of words this is how she took out her frustration with me.

"The counsellor said she (the wife) was a bully etc, etc, simply on the say so of a new client? not buying that either, if that happened, that professional is breaking several codes of practice."
Again I feel you are accusing me of lying, the counseller did say these things and I found them very helpful as I have been too blind to see and to be told the bullying and domestic abuse is a recognised thing was a great relief to find it wasn't just happening to me.

"There are two sides to every story and on MSE it is very easy to manipulate those with their own baggage to the way of thinking of any given poster if you read the signs correctly."
I am not trying to manipulate posters on here, and yes my wife will have her side to tell but she is not on here to tell it.

"There is way more to this than meets the eye."
Yes, my wife would probably agree but it wouldn't be fair to her for me to try to tell you her side.

I have said many times before that I am a poor communicator on matters like this but I have come on here and poured my heart out and I have nothing to gain from lying.

Poet, I am sure you meant well in your comments and I appreciate that you have bothered to read my thread but please believe me, I have not told one lie on here unless it was to hide my identity.

SuzieSue

waccoe wrote: »

Again I feel you are accusing me of lying,

Don't worry OP, this happens all the time on threads like yours. All the honest, decent OPs are accused of lying. I have said this many times on several threads (although for some reason the Mods keeping deleting my posts or they delete the whole thread so you can't see them), but a lot of the people on here are very nasty indeed.

I really feel for you because as far as I can see, you have been totally honest throughout (why on earth would you feel you needed to lie to a group of strangers?).

Anyway, please don't be upset and please believe me that I have written this at least half a dozen times in the last few months when an honest OP has been accused of lying.

I would have actually been more surprised if you hadn't been accused of lying.

Pixiechic

The nature of the forum and threads is that we rarely have both sides to an issue. That's not to say that advice and support is not given to others, so why not here? Women seem to be taken by their word when writing of abuse.

I think that your wife has displayed attention seeking, game playing behaviour. Her texts were quite negative and I wonder how they made you feel? I wonder how the texts were intended to make you feel.

She has gone to the cottage but is still managing to have an affect on you from a distance. If she continues with those sort of texts, I'd be inclined to ignore them.

SuzieSue

waccoe wrote: »

Poet, I am sure you meant well in your comments.

Sorry, OP but how can you possibly say that? S/he upset you so much that you couldn't even reply last night.

waccoe_2

SuzieSue wrote: »

Sorry, OP but how can you possibly say that? S/he upset you so much that you couldn't even reply last night.

I didn't reply last night because of the wine, lol.
It must be the child in me that my counseller talked about, trying to please him/her, ha ha.