How can I fix this?

victory

Anon34 wrote: »

I seem to take things very much to heart. I have a hard time letting go of things said in arguments ( I lost a baby he claimed I got rid cos it was someone else's ! ) he says if his ex got in touch he'd go, or that he wishes everyday he'd never met me! I can be just as hurtful but it never seems to bother him the way it bothers me. I feel gutted by the things he says and does, I forget it or rationalise it. Then it happens again. I feel numb now .

Stop because you are making me cry, my heart is tortured by you writing like this and not seeing what you are writing and understanding this is so so wrong so wrong it's heart breaking, stop you would not allow your best friend to live like this, be kind to yourself

SmarterNotHarder

Print off this thread. Go and show it to your GP/friend you trust/mum and ask what they think. I know on an anonymous forum it can be a bit "what do they know, they don't know me, they don't know him" Try someone you do know.

And Victory, you are spot on.

victory

Anon34 wrote: »

There is no happiness , for either of us , all there is , is mistrust arguments accusations and a nasty atmosphere

Find happiness, go seek it elsewhere , it is there, you can have happiness

Stephb1986_2

You need to get rid of him and now before you get any lower. You and your child deserve better!

Steph xx

balletshoes

Anon34 wrote: »

There is no happiness , for either of us , all there is , is mistrust arguments accusations and a nasty atmosphere

there you go - if that doesn't tell you its time to call it a day, I don't know what will.

victory

SmarterNotHarder wrote: »

Print off this thread. Go and show it to your GP/friend you trust/mum and ask what they think. I know on an anonymous forum it can be a bit "what do they know, they don't know me, they don't know him" Try someone you do know.

And Victory, you are spot on.

thank you and so are you, please take the advice and print it off and show it to anyone and everyone, please listen

marisco_2

Anon34 wrote: »

Looking for some constructive advice on how to solve my oh and I relationship problems? I can't see a way to fix this

OP no person who loves and values their life partner could behave in the ways that your husband is toward you. It just comes down to having respect and morals and not wishing to treat the one they are meant to love the most so badly. You are being treated like dirt. A decent man with any integrity would not contact other women online or via text and then hide and delete this correspondence. Nor visit sleazy websites or take photos of a woman and make disrespectful comments about her behind their wifes back. By transferring the blame for all this happening to you, he is trying to absolve himself from his actions. Taking no responsibility whatsoever for the contempt he is showing you.

It must have shattered your confidence when he compared you sexually to his ex. That is such a cruel thing to do. If someone who was my partner spoke to me or treated me in the ways your husband does to you, I would not want to be physically close to them either. Blatant nastiness is never conducive to encouraging anyone to want to be intimate with you. All it achieves is to ruin the relationship and to erode any loving feelings that someone once felt for you.

I am so sorry to say this but I dont think your husband loves you any more. If he felt anything for you at all there is no way on earth he could tell you that he hates you, wished he had never met you and that it would be better if you killed yourself. Is he aware that you have had suicidal thoughts in the past when having episodes of depression? Making those kind of comments to someone emotionally vulnerable is a cold and callous thing to do. What kind of man can lower himself to say those things to his wife?

I dont know how you can fix things between you. To be completely honest with you I question why you would even want to. I am so sorry for all you are going through right now.

Pechow

You should run, not walk, away, and other posters here will give you all the reasons why. I just wanted to add-his behaviour is NOT YOUR FAULT.

Lets say that he does do it because he isn't getting enough sex at home (this is NOT why, but lets pretend what he said is true). If he cared about you, he'd try to find out why/what changed. He'd try to find out how he could help you, what could be done. He'd respect your limits and would just have to help himself out for while. It turns out it's because you feel depressed? He'd help you go to the doctor, help you around the house, try to cheer you up somehow. If it was for other reasons-say, your sex life had become boring-he would maybe be a bit hurt, but would try to find out what could be done-maybe try something new, maybe a date night, whatever.

If he cared about you, what he NOT do would be... well, basically everything he's done! He has no respect for you, openly tells you if he had other options he'd take them, not only disrespects you to your face but behind your back to others. He knows you're unhappy with his talking to other woman, and does it anyway. He doesn't care about you.

The only cause for his behavour is HIM. Not you. He's perfectly capable of keeping his thoughts to himself, not chatting up other women, not tearing you down. He chooses to do these things. He could walk away. He chooses to stay and do these things, knowing that you'll do nothing about it and he can do as he likes. He knows he's hurting you and does it anyway, because he either likes it, or just doesn't care. You deserve better than this. He may have made you believe that you don't, but you do.

From the sounds of things, he not only doesn't respect you, but women as a whole. Taking photos of someone on the bus is so creepy and inappropriate it's unbelievable.

Anon34

.............

victory

anon34 wrote: »

everyone else finds him a lovely person, he says i have made him this way. My behaviour and pushing him away have turned him into this person, so if i just be happy kick start a sex life it will all be fine.
I have a gut feeling it won't.
I know he settled for me, his exes have all been much more attractive and slim than me. I want to be what he wants. Which he says i am but then behaves like this?
Recently i have switched off completely i go to gym or swimming to help me lose weight, which means i'm having an affair apparently ? I realise this is a disaster but its my life it that makes sense.
And like i said he works hard and is a brilliant dad.

you did not make him this way it is not your fault