How can I fix this?

Anon34

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victory

Anon34 wrote: »

We live in my house, so I don't have to worry about that. But I really want things to be better, from his point of view I changed when I got pregnant , I suppose I did shut him out but it was the beginning of a very horrible period of depression. He claims I'm not depressed just lazy. If I had sex more he wouldn't do what he does ( he would I overheard him discussing a friends ex and what he'd like to do to her when I was 6 weeks pregnant.
I want to be what he wants, but I fear I'm never going to be.
He's not a bad person, I worry the situation we are in is turning him that way though. I know it has made me into an angry insecure jealous mess

stop, I know you can't see it but re read what you have posted.

IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT

Depression is worse than awful, counselling, CBT, a great deal of time, patience, support, understanding is needed to combat it, did your OH give you any of anything?

Would you ever say to anyone else what your OH has said to you?

no, never.
Oh

Anon34

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SmarterNotHarder

I'm baffled. You were pregnant with his child. He should have been supporting you. People change when they get pregnant, who'd've thunk. He's probably annoyed about the fact you give attention to your child too! After all she comes first instead of him!

Do you honestly believe that a) If you slept with him more he wouldn't disrespect you and other women like he does currently, and b) that you are going to be able to relax and want to sleep with him with him treating you this way?

And if he makes you have sex with him when you don't want to, that's rape. No ifs no buts. It's not just about violence, coercion counts as well.

Being angry, insecure and jealous is hardly surprising in this situation. I have never met either of you and I am seething on your behalf. And I'll bet I'm not the only one.

My original advice still stands.

victory

You are depressed, you are not lazy, he needs to understand depression, how it affects every single aspect of the sufferers life, how the black cloud is not just laziness or will go away with a pull yourself together and have sex with me kind of attitude

balletshoes

I think you are completely in denial - you don't even seem to see what you've written in this thread.

Its not just a photo, its not just one overheard conversation, its not just one heat-of-the-moment saying things just to hurt you.

By your own admission this has been going on for years.

The only way this is going to stop is for you two not to be together. But you're not ready to hear this.

thehappybutterfly

Easy one this - dump his a$$

Anon34

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victory

Anon34 wrote: »

I want to fix things because I think maybe he could be happy with me if I learnt how to open up ( and restart our sex life) also he is a good dad and my daughter adores him. I take 70% of the blame for the mess I'm in, but it's a huge risk do I trust if I change to what he wants his behaviour will stop?! Or maybe I'm making more of the photo incident than needs be.

My heads pickled

Don't proportion percentage blame to yourself you never asked for depression, you never knew or though this would happen to you, it did and never ever does it give your OH ever the right to cop out and do what he has been doing and saying the things he has been saying to you, never

lily76

It looks like you are not the only one who has PND, and he is in PND as well. To cope with a new-born baby and to handle an immature man while yourself is still in the recovery of PND are really too much. Normally people would use all the strength to just handle one of them. I don't know the reason of your effort to keep him, however, he already said the reason lies in bed, so if you can not comprise on this point he would not be happy and your relationship won't be 'fixed'.

If something needs to be 'fixed', that means it is broken already.