How can I fix this?

Anon34

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Anon34

thehappybutterfly wrote: »

My ex only hit me 'because I deserved it'. Nobody liked me. I was a useless piece of !!!!!!. I was a lousy lay. And I believed it.

However, my hubby tells me everybody loves me. That our family and my team at work would fall apart without me. And apparently I'm bloody brilliant in bed. And I believe him.

If what my ex told me was true, surely my hubby would be saying the same things? Just a thought.

Unfortunately both men I have had relationships with ( I was with my ex for 11 years) have said the same things about me.
I'm stating to think its not a coincidence

Manchee

Anon34 wrote: »

Unfortunately both men I have had relationships with ( I was with my ex for 11 years) have said the same things about me.
I'm stating to think its not a coincidence

So if your previous relationship was pretty much the same as your current one, do you mind me asking why that ended? Was it your decision?

edmund_blackadder

Why is this thread still going after 263 posts?

Leave him instantly. The man is a nasty !!!!!!.

Don't waste anymore of your time on him.

julie2710

I've sat here this morning and read this thread from start to finish. I can honestly say I don't know whether to scream or cry.

No one is perfect but your OH is seriously nasty! Who told you that he was happy with his ex's? If he was so happy and they were so happy with him then why is he not with them now?

You said early on that your parents weren't great. What view of their parents do you think your children are going to grow up with? Do you think as they mature into adulthood they will be extolling the virtues of their loving parents? Will they remember lovely family picnics and walks and holidays or will the recall Dad shouting at Mum, Mum shouting at Dad, not being able to say certain things because they are scared that it will make Dad shout at Mum again and then Mum will be sad again and it will be their fault?

You have a choice for you. You can choose to put up with this never ending cycle of abuse. I did for three years until my ex tried to stab me and I managed to escape and call the police. Your children aren't choosing this life you are choosing it for them.

I have one question for you. You mentioned that your ex has shouted at your daughter. You stood up for her at the time but I'm guessing he still does it. Calls her mental, etc. what if she's cheeky to him and he hits her? Do you jump in but then accept his pathetic excuses as, just with you, I'm sure he will justify it and insist it was her fault? Is this what you really want for your children.

Oh, and one more thing. If I found out that someone on a bus had taken photos of me, posted them on an internet site only to make comments on them then I would be reporting them to the police! Vile is about the only word I can think of to sum up his behaviour! Sorry if it all sounds a bit harsh but it won't get any better.

Anon34

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heartbreak_star

Why can't you understand how unhappy you actually are?

You need some professional help for this, OP. You deserve to be happy. You're not, and at the moment you are enabling your own unhappiness. He stamps all over you AND YOU LET HIM.

I'm getting upset and angry on your behalf. And you STILL have answered my earlier question - what WOULD you do if this was happening to a friend or your daughter?

HBS x

paulineb_2

Anon34 wrote: »

Unfortunately both men I have had relationships with ( I was with my ex for 11 years) have said the same things about me.
I'm stating to think its not a coincidence

Why? Because theyve said something hurtful, it must be true?
And you want to stay with one of them?

You are blaming yourself for their awful behaviour. Which in turn is going to make it much harder for you to ever get out of this relationship.

And it is absolutely your choice, you know this yourself. But if you think everything people say about you is true, wrong. Ive been called so many names in the past I cant begin to start telling people. In person, in letters. By ex partners who abused me.

But guess what. There are more people in my life who know me and who have met me, including other male friends, who dont view me like that.

And yes, its natural to go through phases of thinking is it me. Its not. Youve just had rotten bad luck meeting people who were not good to you. Full stop.

The link below is useful reading.

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/domestic_violence_abuse_types_signs_causes_effects.htm

It took me a very long time to realise that just because someone says something, doesnt mean that its true.

System

I'm useless at most things too but i'm loved. Its called unconditional love.:)

I'm quite good at burning the tea. Not being able to open jars/tins and hubby says he'd rather drive home 150 miles after a full shift at work than let me change a lightbulb as he knows i'll blow myself up.

Anon34

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