How can I fix this?

Blackpool_Saver

Anon34 wrote: »

I grew up with parents throwing things at each other and me, fighting and telling me they hated me.

BINGO...I knew it, THIS is the reason why you put up with this crap, and it is the reason why I did. You think you don't deserve better, I felt like this for years, my parents treated me like !!!!, my Dad still does. Result, I have never had a good relationship, I chose losers who abused me. Since the last !!!!!!! I have been alone for many years. I will NEVER EVER allow it to happen again.

thehappybutterfly

Anon34 wrote: »

Unfortunately both men I have had relationships with ( I was with my ex for 11 years) have said the same things about me.
I'm stating to think its not a coincidence

Well in that case, I'll throw in some of the insults I received from my dad. Or maybe just the one will do - "my second wife means more to me than any of my children."

My dad didn't love me, accused me of being pregnant when I was still a virgin, pulled me out of school at barely 16 because "I was wasting my time trying to get qualifications". I believed him too.

That's what abusers do. They have a built-in "vulnerable" radar and swoop in because it makes them feel better about themselves. Bullies don't target strong, independent, confident people.

You deserve so much better regardless of what you might think.

Blackpool_Saver

Seems to be a common theme, my Dad said he would always put his second wife before me too

tayforth

OP, please remember that we are all here for you and supporting you. Whatever you decide.

msb5262

Anon34 wrote: »

Unfortunately both men I have had relationships with ( I was with my ex for 11 years) have said the same things about me.
I'm stating to think its not a coincidence

No, it's not a coincidence.

And it's not to do with your behaviour or personality.

It's because they are both controlling and abusive.

tesuhoha

I can understand a woman who puts her head in the sand and becomes an ostrich about what is happening to herself, but I can't understand when it involves the children.

I think that you are putting your abusive husband before your daughters. They need rescuing from this situation and if their mother doesn't do it, who else is going to help them?

Blackpool_Saver

tesuhoha wrote: »

I can understand a woman who puts her head in the sand and becomes an ostrich about what is happening to herself, but I can't understand when it involves the children.

I think that you are putting your abusive husband before your daughters. They need rescuing from this situation and if their mother doesn't do it, who else is going to help them?

If you can say that you have NOT understood

Anon34

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paulineb_2

Anon34 wrote: »

Your entitled to your opinion. But don't dare judge me when you haven't lived me life.

Thank you for everyone's advice. I appreciate it.
I came here for advice maybe a bit of understanding. Not to be called a bad parent. I get enough of that at home.

I will leave it at that.

Thank you all again x

Youve had a lot of advice, a lot of understanding and I would say a lot of concern as well.

I dont blame people for being concerned about the situation you and your daughters are in.

Anon34

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