How can I fix this?

heartbreak_star

Anon, deleting your posts isn't going to help as most of us have quoted them multiple times.

I desperately hope things work out and we don't see you back in a worse situation.

HBS x

tesuhoha

Blackpool_Saver wrote: »

If you can say that you have NOT understood

I'm sorry if I've upset the OP but I feel sorrier for the girls who have been dragged into siding with their parents.

Whilst I do feel sympathy for the lady, honestly, if its as bad as she says, she needs to get her daughters out of there. I know that they are older, but it is still two young women suffering from abuse of a verbal and psychological nature.

No I don't understand the situation. Only the lady herself knows whether her daughters are being damaged by all this and lets hope that they aren't.

scrappie_2

Thanks Quietheart -I just really hope that Anon reads it. Most people on here just want to help. But you can't force others to see what we see.

Looks like Anon has deleted all of her posts and I'm guessing has gone off-line. Im not sure any of the posts have 'helped' as you can only help, when someone is ready to accept it. I just don't think is quite at that place at the moment. She obviously still thinks that this is all of her making and you make your bed you lie in it......

I just hope that in the near future she has a bit of light bulb moment and realises that she is worth it.

paulineb_2

tesuhoha wrote: »

I'm sorry if I've upset the OP but I feel sorrier for the girls who have been dragged into siding with their parents.

Whilst I do feel sympathy for the lady, honestly, if its as bad as she says, she needs to get her daughters out of there. I know that they are older, but it is still two young women suffering from abuse of a verbal and psychological nature.

No I don't understand the situation. Only the lady herself knows whether her daughters are being damaged by all this and lets hope that they aren't.

One of her daughters isnt the OPs partners as far as I am aware. Her dad is the other man in this scenario I believe, the other abusive partner she spoke about.

Can you imagine what its like to have two significant people in your life who are both essentially ratbags?

Sorry to be so blunt but I cant imagine theres much joy in that girls life.

paulineb_2

scrappie wrote: »

Thanks Quietheart -I just really hope that Anon reads it. Most people on here just want to help. But you can't force others to see what we see.

Looks like Anon has deleted all of her posts and I'm guessing has gone off-line. Im not sure any of the posts have 'helped' as you can only help, when someone is ready to accept it. I just don't think is quite at that place at the moment. She obviously still thinks that this is all of her making and you make your bed you lie in it......

I just hope that in the near future she has a bit of light bulb moment and realises that she is worth it.

I think when you are being abused, you know. You know but you can feel like your feet are superglued to the floor trying to get away

I think what does the most damage is being told over and over again that theres something wrong with you, that you somehow deserve it, you are mental

And the constantly being put in positions where you feel as if you fix what is wrong with you things might go back to normal when in fact the glimmers of the person acting decently were probably just an act in the first place.

Having said that, shes in a strong position as the house is hers, I hope it remains hers.

This thread is just very sad but the OP has made her point, shes not coming back to it.

tesuhoha

paulineb wrote: »

One of her daughters isnt the OPs partners as far as I am aware. Her dad is the other man in this scenario I believe, the other abusive partner she spoke about.

Can you imagine what its like to have two significant people in your life who are both essentially ratbags?

Sorry to be so blunt but I cant imagine theres much joy in that girls life.

I'm sorry. I didn't intend my post to have this effect. I have been reading it all through and just felt exasperated with her. I certainly didn't mean to send her offline especially when you were all giving her thoughtful and useful advice. Put my foot in it - hands up to that.

CH27

tesuhoha wrote: »

I'm sorry. I didn't intend my post to have this effect. I have been reading it all through and just felt exasperated with her. I certainly didn't mean to send her offline especially when you were all giving her thoughtful and useful advice. Put my foot in it - hands up to that.

Maybe you will be the one that gets through. You've obvioulsly niggled the OP in a way us other posters haven't & hopefully you've have set her thinking.

I just hope her & her children are safe.

System

Ive said it before and i'll say it again. The only way to handle a bully is to either stand up to him or leave. Me, i will fight till the cows come home.:D

thehappybutterfly

Anon, I really hope you keep reading this thread as the majority of the posters are worried about you. The only reason some people have raised the issue of your daughters' safety is to shock you, not to accuse you of being a bad parent or make you feel bad. You're obviously not ready to leave but I believe that one day you will be and I really hope that day comes soon. Don't ask for the thread to be deleted for two reasons:

a) some other reader could benefit from the advice if they find themselves in a similar situation
b) you can look for it again in a few months to remind yourself of what you've posted

Just never ever forget that you're the victim here and ARE NOT to blame for your OH's behaviour. Honestly, no matter what you do, or how much you try and change, he'll find fault with you.

You turn all meek and non-argumentative - you're a wimp
You fight back - you're a trouble making !!!!!
You withhold sex - you're frigid
You turn it on and offer him sex every night - you're a !!!!!!
You'll do more round the house - you're obsessive compulsive
You do less round the house - you're a lazy cow
You cook him nice meals - you're trying to make him fat

Do you see where I'm going? You'll never be able to do right for doing wrong - IN HIS EYES.

tayforth

I was just about to post the same thing. The OP may never come back to this thread, but it's had over 9,000 views already.

I'm willing to bet that a lot of lurkers on this thread are in a similar situation. And if it's helped even one of them, then it's been very worthwhile.


Hugs to anyone who's reading this and going through the same thing xxx