Sometimes struggling with sense of loneliness and isolation; anyone else?

butterfly72

wildswans wrote: »

While I have pockets of time at the weekend or holidays I don't have an awful lot of time during the week. For example I regularly go horse-riding during the week; I do two hours on a Thursday evening. If I was to buy a horse I would be committed to feeding, stabling, grooming and exercising for hours each day which due to working full time I unfortunately don't feel I can spare - unfair on the horse and unfair on me.

Hi wildswans, i know you didnt want advice and have probably considered all avenues to getting a horse, but howabout a horse share. There are many people looking for weekend sharers or riders. Look on preloved, local equestrian facebook etc. Another option is part livery. This is what I plan to do as I work for most of the week. The horse will be looked after and exercised for you and be ready for you at theweekends.

miss_independent

fluffnutter wrote: »

It's interesting to read the conflicting opinions about whether being single brings loneliness.

I felt very lonely before I met my husband and am immeasurably happier now that I have him (and even lovelier, a little baby now too). But for me, it wasn't about not having someone to do stuff with; in fact I'm a real loner and I was perfectly content filling my own time.

For me it was that I felt I had a lot of love to give and I felt sad that I had no one to benefit from that love. It was like a fundamental part of being human wasn't able to flourish. That's just my personal view, btw. It's not a comment on being single per se. We're all different and I'm just trying to explain how I felt, not how everyone should feel.

I identify so much with your post fluffnutter. I'm 29 and I've been single for most of my adult life. I get very lonely, I have a full life but sometimes I cry myself to sleep because I feel I have so much love to give and no man or children to give that love to. What you say about "a fundamental part of being human wasn't able to flourish" is exactly how I feel. Lots of people, like OP, are fine with being single and, for a time, I was too but as full, busy and happy a life I lead, for me its tinged with a sense of emptiness and lack of fulfilment which, for me, only a loving relationship could bring. I am about 100% positive that the loneliness I feel comes from the lack of someone to share my life with (the someone to do nothing with) and a strong desire to have children of my own and, so far, little hope of that happening in the forseeable future. I want my own little family unit and tbh feel a little bit like a lost sheep.

All that being said - I'm so glad that it all worked out for you! I'd imagine the loneliness beforehand makes your happy ending all the sweeter!

[Deleted User]

Has anything happened recently to make you feel like this or have you always felt like this???

I used to struggle with weekends , especially bank holiday weekends , but I like the weekends now and usually catch up with things I need to do and I usually then make plans ahead for the bank holidays

What I find is when things are fine in my life and going well and eg no health problems or major problems or hassles I feel fine on my own and usually love it actually , but a change in circumstances and then , boom , I suddenly find myself feeling lonely as a consequence of feeling down already about something else...

I hope that makes sense , but when my mood is ok I am ok about being alone , when I am down about something or there has been a major change or am slightly more vunerable than usual for whatever reason I suddenly start feeling 'on my own in it all'

I usually feel better after a while and then don't feel lonely again until another blip in life ;-) But am going to be moving home in the near future to a new area and I know that feeling of uprooting myself to somewhere new will mean I feel particularly lonely and isolated for a while and I am prepared for that feeling to last until I settle in

Sometimes I have rushed off and sought company but then felt kinda worse which shouldn't logically happen! lol

So it all depends on my mood and state of mind as when I am feeling happy in myself then I am happy to be alone ( I know it's natural to want to 'be with someone' as in a couple but I deal with those feelings if they come along as I am single , but usually it is not a problem if I am feeling fine in myself anyway ) xx

AnnieD_2

Hi Wildswans and other posters,
I was so relieved to read your post and know I'm not alone! I think unless you've been where we are you can empathise, but you cannot fully understand. I have a busy rewarding job, a sporting hobby I love and am passionate about and a good circle of friends who do what they can but at the end of the day their families come first and that is how it should be. I have 2 teenage children, one at university so I only have alternate weekends on my own and occasionally an evening a week, and I hate it. I was probably like my friends once, almost envious of separated friends that had child free time but when it is imposed on a regular basis it is horrible. Those weeknds loom and I try to plan as much as I can and get out and about, but take last weekend, all my friends were busy and I left work just wanting to sob knowing that I was going home to an empty house. I do know now that often the thought of this emptiness is worse than when it's happening. I get thru, and last weekend I did make things happen but there is an increasing feeling of desperation every other week when the text goes out to various friends "are you free". One of your posters hit the nail on the head for me, I've got a whole lot of love to give and I just want to care and be cared from. Just to have a significant other to give you a hug and make a cup of tea after a long day at work - that's all. My family are geographically and emotionally distant so it's just me, my kids and my friends.
Maybe we could be a support for each other and see if we live close enough to meet up??
Annie