Sometimes struggling with sense of loneliness and isolation; anyone else?

Cloudydaze

I do believe that people who say they feel lonely whilst in an unhappy marriage or a house full of children are feeling something different to the loneliness the OP (and I) feel.

I often have this morbid thought. If I dropped dead now, how long would it take before I was found. In my current situation (as I'm not working), I would guess it could be up to a month. I do have lovely parents, brothers & lots of friends but I don't have anyone who I check in with on a daily basis.

balletshoes

paulineb wrote: »

And if the relationship wasnt a happy one? Theres nothing more lonely than being in a relationship thats not working.

Or if it ends?

or if your partner works weekends/nights? Its not going to solve the problem.

If its not every weekend you feel lonely or the time dragging, I think you need to learn to enjoy your time alone more. I work all week, have a husband and a daughter, and if for any reason we have nothing planned on the weekend I get stir crazy if I'm in the house all weekend long. Even just taking myself out for a coffee or a window-shop, even a drive sometimes, helps.

paulineb_2

justme111 wrote: »

Then one would be alone and lonely. Not everybody is lucky to have a relationship which is fulfilling , it does not mean that it is not an ideal state of things which would be an answer to those lonely times.

Alone doesnt necessarily have to equate to being lonely.
Sometimes the hardest times are when you go through personal stuff, like when a relationship finishes and you lose friends because of the break up, or if you are on your own and you go through life stuff, bereavement etc.

And yes, sometimes people look at being in a relationship with rose tinted glasses, such as if I had a partner I wouldnt be lonely, true, maybe they wouldnt, but its never a good idea to base all your dreams of happiness around one person.

Im not in a relationship, I dont have kids, but as I tried to say earlier, there are lots of single people in the same position and there are ways of connecting with people if its connections people are looking to make.

Sometimes we really do need to put something in to get something back.

FBaby

Do other people really honestly never feel a tiny bit lonely from time-to-time?

No offense, but maybe you need to re-read your first post as in there, you do express slightly stronger feelings than just a bit of loneliness. You state 'I feel quite alone with it all', 'I all too frequently find myself completely alone', '
I find myself getting into quite negative thought-patterns where for no discernible reason, I start to feel quite sad and low and sluggish' and ' more often than not I find myself getting sucked down into what I can only describe as a mild depression.'

Don't get hang up if people are assuming from that post there is more to it than just a bit of loneliness time to time. You come across as very defensive with people suggestions. Either you are just a bit lonely and you got good suggestions about how to do things and meet similar type of people to hang out with. You are far from the only professional in their 30s single with tons of friends and family members to be entertained all the time. Or, you do have an issue, either because you can't stand being alone at all, again, many people do spend week-ends mostly alone and don't have an issue with it, OR you do indeed have deeper issues than you want to contemplate.

It is your choice how you deal with it, but don't get so defensive when people try to give you suggestions looking at all considerations when you give mix messages.

justme111

paulineb wrote: »

Alone doesnt necessarily have to equate to being lonely.
Sometimes the hardest times are when you go through personal stuff, like when a relationship finishes and you lose friends because of the break up, or if you are on your own and you go through life stuff, bereavement etc.

And yes, sometimes people look at being in a relationship with rose tinted glasses, such as if I had a partner I wouldnt be lonely, true, maybe they wouldnt, but its never a good idea to base all your dreams of happiness around one person.

Im not in a relationship, I dont have kids, but as I tried to say earlier, there are lots of single people in the same position and there are ways of connecting with people if its connections people are looking to make.

Sometimes we really do need to put something in to get something back.

Pauline , you quotes my post in your reply but I am not sure what you are getting at.
What I said that it may well be that ideal situation for a human been is to have a significant other. When things d eviate from that ideal situation for various reasons it must be normal to feel alone or whatever else. Not sure why you started to talk about not ideal relationships - that's different topic.
Not sure what you mean by having to put in something in order to get something back , why did you have an idea I or whoever else wanted something without giving .

paulineb_2

justme111 wrote: »

Pauline , you quotes my post in your reply but I am not sure what you are getting at.
What I said that it may well be that ideal situation for a human been is to have a significant other. When things d eviate from that ideal situation for various reasons it must be normal to feel alone or whatever else. Not sure why you started to talk about not ideal relationships - that's different topic.
Not sure what you mean by having to put in something in order to get something back , why did you have an idea I or whoever else wanted something without giving .

You said if someone didnt have a partner then they would be alone and lonely. I dont agree, thats why I said what I said above. Its just an opinion, we dont all need to agree on everything on here do we?

I started to talk about not ideal relationships as a comment was made about being single and wanting a partner to take away feelings of loneliness, thats why I said what I said about if you get into a relationship that isnt productive, its just going to bring all sorts of other issues into the equation.

And when I said about putting something in to get something back, I meant in particular to the OP, that if we want new friendships, people to spend time with, we need to make an effort. I dont mean getting anything back in a material sense, I mean that people arent going to come around our house and bash our door down if we are feeling a bit alone or lonely, we might need to actually go out and make an effort to engage with people, meet people, do new things and that is why I suggested in an earlier post the site meet up.

I hope this clarifies.

Cloudydaze

I agree with Justme111. When most of society is paired up, life is harder when you are the exception.

Of course everyone is different but for me I like have to company on tap that I can do things spontaneously with and that has only really worked in my 20s before everyone had settled down or when I've been in a relationship. I'm not some weak and needy person who needs a man to make her happy but my life is definitely less lonely with a partner around.

I could do all the Meet Ups, book clubs, languages courses, running clubs in the world but sometimes all I want is to potter around at home with someone I care about.

justme111

paulineb wrote: »

You said if someone didnt have a partner then they would be alone and lonely. I dont agree, thats why I said what I said above. Its just an opinion, we dont all need to agree on everything on here do we?

Of course we entitiled to different opinions , its just that you misunderstood mine. I did not say if one is single one is bound to feel lonely. I said that if one feels lonely it may well be due to being single. Which is absolutely not the same. Why you constantly bringing in bad relationship into it ? If it does not turn out well then one continues single , what's the issue.? It's as if when discussing how bad life is without food you would be saying "yeah but what if that apple will be rotten " - one will spit it out and bite another one or do you advocate not to bite any apples in case they were rotten .

What I would agree though is important is try not to idealise relationships as when we look back everything seems rosier than it seemed at the time ..

vanessav

I know that extroverts can feel dreadful if alone for any length of time. Almost like if they are not interacting with others, they do not actually exist! A sort of fear that they will disappear.
I have no idea how this feels as I am a consumate introvert. I get overloaded if I have to talk to people for too long. And when I do talk I like my interaction to be meaningful. People probably find me a bit serious and I have had to learn the art of small talk.
OP sorry I am not helping much, am I? You could go out and chat to anyone you meet - people will love it. Or get drunk and start telling the cats you love them!
Also, sometimes the working week can be so full-on with people and problems that you get addicted to the adrenalin and the come-down at the weekend is depressing. I used to get that sometimes.

wildswans

Thanks for the replies.

I read once (I think a lady who had been widowed, although I can't remember who) - said she did not miss somebody to do something with, she missed somebody to do nothing with, and that is what I am talking about and I think some of the other posters here. No matter how much you do, it's always set up against the backdrop of an empty house. I have just had Sunday lunch with my friend and her family - am home now, alone and I will stay that way until tomorrow morning. Yes, I am sure some of you will tell me I SHOULD do X, Y and Z but I might not want to but still want company!

And, before anyone says I am some hugely extroverted person who can't BEAR to be alone for a minute, that isn't what I am saying at all. But it is difficult if you have a full 24 hours every week, is all.