Sometimes struggling with sense of loneliness and isolation; anyone else?

wildswans

Newly_retired; yes, I can identify with all of that. Thank you. I don't want to read too much into your username but have you found this has been exacerbated following your retirement?

busiscoming2

I understand what you mean OP. I feel the same sometimes. I'm older than you, have a lovely family and friends but sometimes I feel very lonely.

I think its just part of some peoples make up to feel like this from time to time.

mummyroysof3

I'm struggling to understand if I'm honest. Is it that you need less time alone or just better/closer friendships?

paulineb_2

wildswans wrote: »

I couldn't run the length of myself; thank you though! I do do things by myself though, yes.

BigMoney, I think you have misundersood slightly: it isn't about being unhappy in my own company but finding enforced isolation for many hours at a time hard going. Since I live alone, I would be permanently unhappy if I wasn't happy in my own company, but this does not mean it isn't sometimes hard. I wouldn't say I was particularly extroverted, probably if I lean one way or the other I would say I had more of a tendency to be introverted.

So what is it you want to change? I live alone and have done for a long time and yes there are some times its tough, but thats the reality of it, you cant be busy every single minute of every day.

You dont have to volunteer every weekend, some charities would be happy to have your services a few hours a week. I used to volunteer for the red cross when I was unemployed as I had far too much time on my hands.

Ive also used the site meet up, its a good way to meet new people locally and theres generally groups for various interests. Money is a big factor in my lack of social life at the moment but on meet up there are lots of free or very low cost meets.

aliasojo

wildswans wrote: »

I apologise if I appear short-sighted. Perhaps because I "know my life" well I dismiss some as just not possible or practical.

I hope I didn't offend you with my comments. I was trying to say that perhaps you had 'pigeon holed' things in your mind somewhat (activities = a solution for boredom for example) and maybe that's why you were dismissing certain things.

However I can understand your points and can see that's not the case.

I don't know what else to suggest tbh.

As far as I can see (ignoring the use of drugs that is ) there would appear to only be two ways of dealing with loneliness. You either fill your time so that the opportunity for these feeling to rise is lessened or you implement a change from within, a change of outlook.

Tbh though, I personally have always struggled with the 'change your outlook' type of advice. I think some types of people can embrace this and just *do* it, others like me wonder if we've been born with a missing switch because it seems unfathomable to be able to *just* change an outlook just like that.

I wish you well.

wildswans

Mummy - I am in my mid-thirties and all of my friends are married and have babies and small children. Totally understandably, they tend to spend weekends doing 'family' things such as going to the zoo, park or beach. I daresay if I asked I could tag along but that would be a little bit odd, I feel! I do sometimes see them of course so it isn't every weekend but it does mean things are just at that tricky point.

At any rate I feel it is probably best if the thread is pulled because I am evidently not explaining myself very well and I do not wish to have to read pages of why I am making excuses and why the odd feeling of sadness is my own fault

wildswans

Aliasojo, no, I wasn't at all offended! Please don't worry, I appreciate people's kindness in replying, it's just I am talking about feelings while others are talking about doing and I think that's where we're getting our wires crossed.

How can I get the thread deleted please?

FBaby

OP, it sounds like your sense of isolation is psychological, that you are craving something that means that you feel you are missing something when others in your situation wouldn't.

You mention bereavement, can only go by what you have written, but could it be that what you are suffering is a sense of loss, or a sense that you are not emotionally where you would wish to be?

I think I can sympathise with how you feel as I too experience a sense of loneliness that was affecting my mood even though I was rarely alone and certainly wasn't lacking in doing things. What I was missing was the comfort of being loved, and that stemmed a long way back. What changed all this for me was the birth of my first child. First because she exhausted me so much that I was left with little mental energy to ever consider how I was feeling!, but also because she filled a hole I didn't realised was so deep.

I think you are frustrated here because the reality is we can't really tell you that we understand or give suggestion without knowing more about you. I know it sounds like a cliche, but have you considered maybe trying counselling? If there are underlying reasons for the way you feel, there is no harm in maybe giving it a go.

mummyroysof3

I don't think you should get the thread deleted. Does it not help to talk about how,you are feeling? I think everyone has different feelings about how,much time they want to spend with others and how much closeness they want in their lives. Personally a few chit chats on the school run and an occasional coffee with a friend along with occasional family visits is enough for me on top of spending time with hubby and the kids. I actually enjoy a bit of time alone but I think that's because I don't get it often.

wildswans

Oh dear - I'm not frustrated I'm just trying to reiterate what I mean. I am "saying" all my posts in a very friendly, measured sort of voice in my head!

I honestly came on here just with the idea of finding some other people like me maybe, who had jobs and friends but sometimes found that their friends were busy with other stuff and there was a long draggy weekend to feel and I have ended up being told I am depressed, need counselling and making enemies.

Please, can the thread just be deleted? I really don't think I'm going to explain myself here, I'm not offended, angry or frustrated but I AM a tiny bit surprised at some of the responses.

Do other people really honestly never feel a tiny bit lonely from time-to-time?