Sometimes struggling with sense of loneliness and isolation; anyone else?

wildswans

Hello - I am really just posting to see if anyone else finds themselves in a comparable situation, as at the moment I feel quite alone with it all.

In many ways, I am tremendously lucky. I have a job that is well-paid, secure, and that I (mostly!) enjoy; I have financial freedom because of this and because I do not have a mortgage on my home. I have many friends, whom I value greatly. Yet despite this, and despite interests outside of home and work, I all too frequently find myself completely alone. This weekend is a case in point: I am going to a friend's for Sunday lunch tomorrow, but other than that, I spent Friday evening alone, all of today and tonight alone and will spend tomorrow morning and evening alone.

I find myself getting into quite negative thought-patterns where for no discernible reason, I start to feel quite sad and low and sluggish. "Doing something", whether that is shopping, housework, cooking or gardening, can help, but there is a limit and more often than not I find myself getting sucked down into what I can only describe as a mild depression.

I am not really sure why I am posting but I am wondering if I am the only one spending the majority of weekends and holidays alone! Holidays can be a particular bind and I find them very difficult indeed.

Bennifred

Have you considered volunteering? It's amazing how helping others can raise the spirits.

wildswans

Well - it's possible, but I could only really commit to weekends, and I wouldn't really want to sacrifice every weekend, if you see what I mean, as then I really wouldn't ever see anybody! As I said, there always are things one can do, it is more the enforced isolation I find extremely difficult.

marisco_2

Isolation is only as enforced as you allow it to be. You say you have many friends that you value greatly. I would hope they think of you in the same high regard too.

How proactive are you at arranging to meet up and spend time with these people? I appreciate everyone has busy lives and their own commitments, however it is important to keep in touch with those that you get on really well with. Spending time with friends adds a lovely dimension to life and makes any activity a whole lot more enjoyable.

As you appear to have a large friendship circle, you could arrange to meet up with each one without impacting to much on their individual lives, but keep your life happy and fulfilling. Then the time that you do have by yourself can be appreciated and used to do things you enjoy. Rather than it making you feel lonely and negative.

Robisere

Look in the Lonely Hearts pages.

Find an interest for the weekend - do you follow a sport, like a certain type of music, or Art?

Get into something on your own at first, meeting others will follow.

wildswans

Thank you; I greatly appreciate your replies. I am not looking for a relationship but if I was Lonely Hearts would be a good suggestion.

Unfortunately, it isn't about not being proactive enough - it is largely an age thing. I am in my mid-thirties and all my friends are married with babies or very young children. As a result, and totally understandably, weekends generally are spent with them and while I can organise one thing usually (tomorrow is a case in point) it leaves a chunk of time free.

There is the added complication that they are not all local, so while I can happily travel an hour to spend two hours with somebody, doing the same for the friend based in Oslo is a little more difficult!

It isn't really a problem with solutions as such, as it is largely a problem related to my age and to the situations of my lovely friends, but it can nonethless be hard.

nearlyrich

Sometimes people who are attached have children would love to swap places and have some me time...if you crave company perhaps you need to cultivate single friends and if you are bored with your own company arrange things that interest you to keep you busy.

wildswans

Nearlyrich, I have explained that it isn't a boredom issue: one can always do something, whether that is read or spend time online or garden or cook. However, it is normal to crave company.

"Finding single friends" is not quite as straightforward as it seems, either!

I don't doubt that people who are married with children crave me time, however, by the same token, single people without children can crave time spend with others. I am not criticising them, any more I am sure they would criticise me - anything can become tedious when you have far too much of it, I find.

Bigmoney2

You could try meetup

http://www.meetup.com/find/

there may be a group near you based round something you are interested in, some just met up for coffee or cinema visits.

Or try looking for something like a walking group that you could dip in and out of as the mood takes you, there are lots that walk at weekends.

Another idea would to visit local places of interest, make a list and when you're at a loose end go to one.

Sounds though like you just aren't happy in your own company, quite common in extraverts.

wildswans

I couldn't run the length of myself; thank you though! I do do things by myself though, yes.

BigMoney, I think you have misundersood slightly: it isn't about being unhappy in my own company but finding enforced isolation for many hours at a time hard going. Since I live alone, I would be permanently unhappy if I wasn't happy in my own company, but this does not mean it isn't sometimes hard. I wouldn't say I was particularly extroverted, probably if I lean one way or the other I would say I had more of a tendency to be introverted.

summerof0763

I know what you mean, as friends I have are either married or in a relationship.
again I enjoy my own company, but be nice to meet someone for coffee etc without having to pkan weeks ahead, x