Is my partner right to feel aggrieved? Please help.

skintchick

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

It's perfectly sensible to have a trial period living together, especially where there are kids involved. Who knows how things will pan out when everyone is altogether under one roof?

Its called being practical.

Actually people who live toegther before marriage are more likely, statistically, to split up than people who didn't.

But perhaps he should have thought about that before getting engaged? Engagement is a commitment to marry. There's not usually mention of a trial period.

Treevo wrote: »

Are you the type to keep £19,000 I'm your own account while demanding that you're intended borrows another £6,000 from his parents?

Seems like it.

The Op's gf will pay the money back when her house sale goes through. From my reading of it, she isn;t intending to keep the money, but there is a need for a bridging loan, which is where the parents come in.

And my understanding, having seen your next post, is that they will then share the outgoings like any other couple.

Sounds to me like the OP is not mature enough to be in a grown-up relationship just yet if he is letting his parents call the shots, anyway.

Mods

Thanks everyone for your replies. Yes, I include those people who have berated me too!

We've had a chat and cleared the air a little. I understand much more about where she's coming from now and vice versa. The best news is that we're staying together! :-)

I am starting to conclude that whilst I respect my parents for all they have done and do for me, I rely on them for advice too much. I'm not good at taking decisions and worry excessively about so called risks. I am confused by what they have offered me in that they actually discouraged us from renting on occasions as that wasn't stability enough for the kids whilst they also encouraged joint mortgages on occasions. I'm not sure what changed. They know that I have wanted to be with her under one roof for some time so I don't understand why they couldn't simply say 'yes' or 'no' to our request. I would have much preferred 'no, son. You're not ready, the house isn't suitable and you should rent thus we're not going to enable you by lending you any cash'.

marisco_2

Mods wrote: »

We've had a chat and cleared the air a little. I understand much more about where she's coming from now and vice versa. The best news is that we're staying together! :-)

That is brilliant news. Really good to hear you have worked it out together.

Georgiegirl256

Glad to hear that you and your partner have a had a talk and cleared the air

I would be inclined to ask your parents why they are taking the stance they are, and what if anything has changed.

Georgiegirl256

skintchick wrote: »

Actually people who live toegther before marriage are more likely, statistically, to split up than people who didn't.

But perhaps he should have thought about that before getting engaged? Engagement is a

I've found it to be the opposite way round, just going off people I know, friends and family etc, so I don't know where you're getting your "statistics" from?

Mods

marisco wrote: »

That is brilliant news. Really good to hear you have worked it out together.

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

Glad to hear that you and your partner have a had a talk and cleared the air

I would be inclined to ask your parents why they are taking the stance they are, and what if anything has changed.

Thanks! We're both relieved we're staying together but our future and next moves need to be worked out. We still have lots to discuss as a couple and I do want to see where my parents were coming from with their offer and why their advice doesn't seem to be consistent.

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

I've found it to be the opposite way round, just going off people I know, friends and family etc, so I don't know where you're getting your "statistics" from?

Maybe it's because more people live together prior to marriage rather than the other way around so it's bound to show more people split by doing this this way. Perhaps, they also have more success too but what do I know! Lol.

Mods

How quickly can you get in to a rented property? Anyone know? Maybe we're better off renting (we're looking already) and saving more money for a better house when we're comfortable with living with one another. I've got to be honest and say any doubts or worries I had about whether it would work under one roof came mainly from my doubts about whether I'm patient enough. I know I'm hard work for her now with all my quirks and things like that yet she still wants to live with me!

I'm relieved we're still together. Confused about what direction to go in a couple now. I've really let her down in many ways here and I'm fortunate to be afforded such patience.

Georgiegirl256

Mods wrote: »

Maybe it's because more people live together prior to marriage rather than the other way around so it's bound to show more people split by doing this this way. Perhaps, they also have more success too but what do I know! Lol.

Yes, maybe? That is a good point

bagpussbear

Mods wrote: »

Thanks everyone for your replies. Yes, I include those people who have berated me too!

We've had a chat and cleared the air a little. I understand much more about where she's coming from now and vice versa. The best news is that we're staying together! :-)

I am starting to conclude that whilst I respect my parents for all they have done and do for me, I rely on them for advice too much. I'm not good at taking decisions and worry excessively about so called risks. I am confused by what they have offered me in that they actually discouraged us from renting on occasions as that wasn't stability enough for the kids whilst they also encouraged joint mortgages on occasions. I'm not sure what changed. They know that I have wanted to be with her under one roof for some time so I don't understand why they couldn't simply say 'yes' or 'no' to our request. I would have much preferred 'no, son. You're not ready, the house isn't suitable and you should rent thus we're not going to enable you by lending you any cash'.

Great you've managed to speak and clear the air, really good news - best of luck to you both, hope it all works out well

skintchick

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

I've found it to be the opposite way round, just going off people I know, friends and family etc, so I don't know where you're getting your "statistics" from?

There was a study. You know, a proper one done by statisticians and everything. I would need to go search for it. Honestly? I CBA. Feel free to go look for it. I know it exists, and a real study trumps your anecdotal stuff