Existing, not living (Life)

marisco_2

Netwizard wrote: »

I realise its easy for me to say as im not in your situation, but you need to get out now. I wouldn't speak to my worst enemies like that let alone my partner infront of the kids. :eek:

I totally agree with this. By staying put and continuing to suffer being treated and spoken to in this manner will be so damaging to you. Forgive me for saying this but your self esteem is at rock bottom. If it weren't you would not be questioning whether the awful things that are going on are normal or not. You have not got to this state by accident, you are suffering emotional abuse.

What also worries me is that all the while things carry on as they are, your young and impressionable children will be seeing all this as normal. It will be what they expect and accept from their own future relationships.

ceebeeby

marisco wrote: »

It will be what they expect and accept from their own future relationships.

It's bad enough me living through it, but I would be devastated if they were in this situation.

Rottensocks

After last nights debacle, eldest child (20) said to me this morning that she would be really pleased if I were to meet someone who treated me right. Youngest (16) gave me a massive hug and when I asked why I was getting such an unusually big hug said "I didn't know you were so lonely" and gave me a huge smile

It seems to me that your children are patiently waiting for you to pack up and leave, upon which you will have their support and blessing. This is a wonderful position to be in, that your children care so much for you, and can see that you are not being treated nicely.

Take courage from their quiet support and slowly start making your exit plan...

Person_one

The Women's Aid helpline is on 0808 2000 247. Give them a ring, they might be able to help.

marisco_2

ceebeeby wrote: »

That's it perfectly to a word - I couldn't have explained it better!
But did yours ever turn it around and start being really nice - that's the bit I find so challenging?
Do you think abusive partners do this deliberately, or do you think it's nature?

It is done deliberately to cause you more confusion. Just a glimpse every now and then of what attracted you to your partner in the first place. Turned off and on like a tap at their will.

OP look up the term 'gaslighting'. I think it might shock you, just as it did myself a few years back, however I feel it is something you should be aware of.

spirit

ceebeeby wrote: »

That's it perfectly to a word - I couldn't have explained it better!
But did yours ever turn it around and start being really nice - that's the bit I find so challenging?
Do you think abusive partners do this deliberately, or do you think it's nature?

This is not your problem to 'fix' him or analyse the whys and wherefores.

The important thing is to listen to your own instinct. You know already that this isn't going to get better anytime soon by procrastinating.

You have taken the first steps which I :T you for, it is hard coming to the realisation that the last 18 years count for diddly-squat - except for the production of your children of course.

As others have said, they are old enough now to adapt and by the sounds of things, support your decision.

Stop being his housekeeper as of now, take back some control for yourself. Say stuff his supper and contact a friend and go to the cinema instead - just an example, do what YOU want for a change.

geoffky

What a mess..You are taking part in a charade...Life gives you one chance...
Take it with both hands.

meer53

CeeBeeby, listen to what everyone is saying. I've been there too, done that and got the t shirt !

When you do leave, and you MUST leave, you will be absolutely amazed at how you feel. It's like having another chance at life, like the sun coming out, like being set free from prison, like being YOU again, and not some doormat who is there to be used and abused. YOU are letting this situation continue, but YOU can change it in a second.

Tell him you're off and he'll have to make his own sarnies from now on. Your kids will be so pleased.

pmlindyloo

Have just read your other thread on the Debtfree Wannabe board.

I know you don't want to consider your second property but personally you need to do something about it now.

With this money from the sale or money from the rent you could manage your debts after selling the house. Selling it is the best option. You need to get some legal advice about how to do this.

Look at this as your lifeline and get it sorted. Living as you are now is not living. Life is too short to wait for 4 years.

Go girl, go!

sam042013

Don't hold on to that guy. You deserve someone who will make you feel like your the best woman in the world. Make a legal agreed contract that both of you will still pay it even if you are not living on the same roof anymore.