Existing, not living (Life)

ceebeeby

Me too. Thank you for being so wise!

marisco_2

Mojisola wrote: »

First you deserve time to learn how to be you again.

If you then find someone you would like to share your life with, that will be brilliant but give yourself some time first.

I absolutely agree with you 100%. I didn't wish to imply from my post that the OP should go straight into another relationship. Some time by yourself is extremely beneficial when you split up from someone. It gives you time to work out what you really want from life.

There is no need to rush. I believe if something is meant to be it will happen, in the right time, with the right person, for the best reason. I just hope that one day the OP could find the type of relationship that we all deserve to be in

wik

OP... loads of ((((((hugs))))))...
I am sat here thinking back 10 years! I was in a house with my 3 darling monsters and my now ex, who had hit the bottle hard, and was verbally abusive to me, I came out of the marriage feeling about an inch high - he would say things to my kids such as 'I am going to get you a new mummy' 'The next one wont be a fat ugly biatch'
He would call me a 'fat ugly cxxt' and that no other man would ever want me. worse thing is that I was so stuk in that bit of him then saying sorry that i started to believe him :$

It took me 4 years before I even went on a date! and even today I have problems with my confidence!

I hope that you can get out before 2017!!!
wik x

MrsAtobe

pmlindyloo wrote: »

Have just read your other thread on the Debtfree Wannabe board.

I know you don't want to consider your second property but personally you need to do something about it now.

With this money from the sale or money from the rent you could manage your debts after selling the house. Selling it is the best option. You need to get some legal advice about how to do this.

Look at this as your lifeline and get it sorted. Living as you are now is not living. Life is too short to wait for 4 years.

Go girl, go!

ceebeeby wrote: »

Well, tonight's scenario is Mr Charming. It's so upsy downsy living like this. I've been on the edge all day and its like I've walked into a concentrated "charm fest".

I appreciate so much all your comments, and even if I don't directly respond, I have read it and am grateful for your input.

The second house is one battle too far right now - I think getting out of this emotional and mentally damaging quagmire should be first priority. Once I've dealt with one, I can address the other.

I know you feel that it is one battle too far right now, but, quite frankly I am so angry (on your behalf) at your mother for not offering you some money as rent for your half of the property. Does she know the situation you're in?

tayforth

MrsAtobe wrote: »

I know you feel that it is one battle too far right now, but, quite frankly I am so angry (on your behalf) at your mother for not offering you some money as rent for your half of the property. Does she know the situation you're in?

I agree. Could you talk to her, she might help? Not that it is 'help', it's just paying rent that you should be getting anyway xx

Savvy_Sue

gizmo111 wrote: »

Thats all good t this stage bt dont bank on him giving in when you actually make a move. Look at the worst case scenario and he will get 50% of the equity.

Agree, OP needs to be aware that what you think he's agreed may not suit him when you start asserting your rights.

There is no reason not to start divorce proceedings now, is there?

Also, it might be worth writing down what your new expectations are and sharing them with him.

ceebeeby

MrsAtobe wrote: »

I know you feel that it is one battle too far right now, but, quite frankly I am so angry (on your behalf) at your mother for not offering you some money as rent for your half of the property. Does she know the situation you're in?

tayforth wrote: »

I agree. Could you talk to her, she might help? Not that it is 'help', it's just paying rent that you should be getting anyway xx

No. I have no meaningful relationship with her and am happy for her to stay oblivious to whatever is happening in my life - it's much less of a drama. When she's around, everything has to be about "her" and that becomes exhausting, very quickly. Hence why I have nothing to do with her.

ceebeeby

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

Agree, OP needs to be aware that what you think he's agreed may not suit him when you start asserting your rights.

There is no reason not to start divorce proceedings now, is there?

Also, it might be worth writing down what your new expectations are and sharing them with him.

He has a very generous pension. It's a trade off - he leaves my inheritance alone, I leave his pension alone.

Wow, gosh, less than 24hours ago I just wanted to date ... Now I'm leaving, house selling, debt sorting, parent bashing and now ? Divorce. I'm almost at meltdown stage, its very overwhelming. I need to slow down and get my head round it bit by bit.

tayforth

ceebeeby wrote: »

He has a very generous pension. It's a trade off - he leaves my inheritance alone, I leave his pension alone.

Wow, gosh, less than 24hours ago I just wanted to date ... Now I'm leaving, house selling, debt sorting, parent bashing and now ? Divorce. I'm almost at meltdown stage, its very overwhelming. I need to slow down and get my head round it bit by bit.

((((hugs))))

Take it easy, and don't panic. You'll know the right pace at which to do things.

Me? I'm a do-it-already kind of girl, I want to be divorced right this second and we only split up 2 weeks ago! But everyone is different.

Re your mum, could you say that you're in financial diffs ATM and ask for the rent to help with that? Then she won't know about your marital situation.

tayforth

Kayalana99 wrote: »

Perhaps have a read of Tayforths thread as the advice in thier is amazing and she was in a simlar situation relationship wise...although I think its probally over a days reading material in thier now!!

Here it is... if you have a spare few hours!! You'll see the difference in me between the start of the thread (only one month ago) and now, it's unbelievable.

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/4538789