Existing, not living (Life)

ceebeeby

Morning, little update, baby steps of progress are under way. We've had a discussion about the house sale, identified an estate agents etc. but now need to come up with the £1000 for the up-front costs - we're going to talk about that at the weekend.

The atmosphere in the house is manageable, everyones smiling at each other which hasn't happened for a long time. Perhaps its the relief that theres an end in sight.

OH is convinced I have someone else. I've told him numerous times that I don't but I've come to the conclusion that that's his problem rather than mine (lol, perhaps it's because I would quite like to have a someone else eventually!)

At work today, so no updates until later tonight.

ceebeeby

Awwww lizzie, why can't we get an island somewhere, and fly all the grumpy, mean people there and drop them off, so they can all be nasty to each other, and leave the rest of us that just want normal peaceful lives to ourselves!! Big ((hugs)) to you, and well done for taking those steps.

LannieDuck

Hi Ceebeeby, just read both your threads. I think you're definitely doing the right thing by moving on. You can't just sit tight for another 4 years, it would be unbearable.

You should be able to come up with £1000 (or £500 if your ex will put up half?). You may have to make token payments to a couple of creditors (DFW board should help with that... incidentally, have you considered a DMP?), and is there anything you can do to up your income a bit - stuff to sell on ebay perhaps?

ceebeeby

Well, you were all right when you said the calm was before the storm. Tonight's tirade started within 2 minutes of being home, and was about the quality of the meal I was making (it was rubbish to be fair) so I calmly and very politely told him that I would happily let him choose an alternative or he could make his own.
Once he had shouted and sworn enough that the whole street knows how utterly useless, fat, ugly, hopeless and what a bully I am, I then calmly told him I absolved myself of any further food involvement with him - that then resulted in more shouting and swearing (dd had by now removed herself from the room) and yes, I'm still an effin c in case I'd forgotten.
I then made the mistake of engaging in conversation - he told me how rubbish I was and eldest dd was, and I refused to agree, but instead told him he was being abusive and it was damaging and upsetting youngest dd, but not hurting me as I'm beyond that now.
His usual retort is to say ask anyone, who else would put up with a lazy fat useless slob, go on, ask ... What other man in there right mind would ever look at you!
Wow, WW here I come (I'm a size 16 which isn't as trim as I'd like to be).
Few more expletives involved, but I never raised my voice, or got upset, shouted or swore (I hate swearing, that's why he does it) but I think that just made him angrier.
As I'd already made dinner by, this time, I left his on the side and dd and I sat at the table together. What a terrible start to the weekend!
Anyway, he never came for dinner, and by the time I walked upstairs all the family photos had been removed from downstairs. I don't know if he's binned them - probably, that's his style.
How sad

RAS

You really do need to get important documents out of the house ASAP.

Also please speak to Women's AID now and consider the possibility of an occupation order for you and and exclusion order to keep him out.

justme111

Now re read your post where you said he "accused " you of having someone else and you repeatedly strenously denied it. Do you see how wrong it is ? How you play into it ? Ps. Re size 16. Once you get a spring in your step you may well shed those pounds in no time , women blossom when they are desired and of course pile on weight when they are being ground down.

RAS

Oh and you said his pension fund is much bigger, is his salary higher? If so, why are you paying half the household expenses?

MrsAtobe

He's realised he's losing control of you and throwing his toys out of the pram . I agree with RAS, get the important stuff out of the house now. If not now, then tomorrow.

Well done you!

CH27

Please get out ASAP for your daughter's sake as well as your own.
Ring Women's Aid.

dancingfairy

If this was a normal relationship then you could maybe stop paying the debts and save up to move house but this isn't a normal relationship.
You need some help to remove yourself from this toxic and dangerous situation.
Please call womens aid and get the help you need.
df