Existing, not living (Life)

ceebeeby

One step forwards, two steps back!!

So tonight's dinner table conversation was about raising the £1000. I asked the girls (who have now finished Uni / school for next 3 months) to help out with ebaying if I taught them how to do it properly and sorted all the sale things. Target of 5 items a day each max. Youngest DD - absolutely no way. Not getting involved in splitting up the family, not helping to raise the money, nothing about the situation is right etc. if you carry on like this mum, I'm going to live with dad (if you speak like that young lady, you might find dads is the only home you have to go too .... Arghhhhh - why did I say that!!)

OH extraordinarily subtly kept winding her up, but if you were an onlooker, you'd think he was being mr lovely.

Anyway, I popped out for an hour and he gave her a £350 present, and she's not speaking to me!! But then she's a teenager, so I can survive that.

OMG, why does this feel like a very steep hill I'm trying to climb.

On the plus side, OH has said he will ask MIL for a loan of his £500 towards the house sale fees, but haven't updated sig yet until he's asked, and she's said yes!!

That would make the target much more achievable.

paulineb_2

Hold on, hes borrowing the fees for his share of the house sale, yet he gave your daughter £350?

tayforth

Massive (((hugs))) ceebeeby. You will get through this, have faith in that.

Your OH should not have bought your daughter such an expensive gift when he has to borrow £500 for the EA fees, how manipulative of him. Good for you for being so philosophical about it xxx

ceebeeby

paulineb wrote: »

Hold on, hes borrowing the fees for his share of the house sale, yet he gave your daughter £350?

No, he gave her a gift worth that much (phone) that he'd had for a few months. He's got himself a new contract one.

I can't get excited about it really - if it looks like a game, feels like a game, then it probably is some sort of game. But I'm choosing not to play.

tayforth

Good for you!!! Don't let him draw you into his games, you're far better than that

busiscoming2

Games and control. At least you know what you are up against.

Please don't make too much of the division of furniture as he will probably go back on what has been agreed.

justme111

I must say I don't envy you having to deal with your daughter behaving like this , admire your response to it , it is indeed not her business to tell you you have to leave with your ex. Unfortunately with divorces both parties cave in to kids as they are in a difficult position to be firm with them and it does not end up well.. how convenient her dad given her a phone precisely today. Breath in , breath out. Ps. When I read what you written before about furniture division and all amicable I had a hunch its not for long . Wishing you to be calm in this not nice situation , as long as you calm you would do the right things..

ceebeeby

justme111 wrote: »

When I read what you written before about furniture division and all amicable I had a hunch its not for long ...

I know, I strongly suspect the same. But in the interest of fairness to all of you who have been so supportive, I thought I'd share the good as well as the rubbish! :D:D

paulineb_2

Get some legal advice as soon as possible, so that you at least you know where you stand. Even if he is a bully and thinks he can call the shots over what is going to be divided up and when, if you actually know what you are entitled to you will be in a better position to deal with things.

Sorry to have to be blunt and I know its hard, but you may really have to start fighting your own corner from here on in and letting him know that just because hes used to having his own way doesnt mean that its going to be like this when you split.

If you want to walk away with nothing, thats up to you, Ive known people who have walked first and tried to fight later for their share and I wouldnt blame anyone for doing that either.

But you have been living a life for so long all about him, his moods, his needs, what he thinks and what he wants.

It really is time that if necessary that you start fighting for what you want, not for what he tells you hes going to give you.

justme111

Glad to see you have your sense of humour. It is comical when what's good in one's life is that she and her husband agree on tv division