Worst Dating Experience?

Orlando_Virgin

Kayalana99 wrote: »

Thiers nothing worse (well maybe this thread has proved im wrong :rotfl:) then a guy who does nothing then talk about his ex gf... now personally it sounds like your not ready to date, but I've been thier....the guy I am with now I came out of a serouis relationship before hand and my OH came along and I took a chance because he seemed like a really decent guy..and it worked out.

But please bare in mind that if you keep talking about your ex to this girl she is most likey going to get upset and walk..it sounds to me that you've said to much already.

Take it slow with this girl, if your not ready to 'commit' yet just tell her that don't base it all on your ex...

Do what feels right for you, if she can't understand that then thats her problem.

I haven't mentioned it to her on a single date other than prior to the first date where to be fair, she asked me about what my current situation was. I just explained what I have above, and she said it would be nice to spend some time together anyway.

I haven't talked about my ex on a date or since we originally spoke about it on text, the bit you said about being ready to date someone else is exactly what I'm bothered about.

paulineb_2

Orlando_Virgin wrote: »

What I mean is, I have just come through a very difficult, emotional experience where I put in a great deal of my heart and time and commitment to try to make it work with someone. I am still recovering for that not working and piecing my life back together.

I did not expect to connect with somebody else so soon but I can't seriously say I am completely over my ex or that experience and say I can commit to anything with the girl I have been dating. That doesn't mean I want to stop seeing her or anything like that, just difficult that's all. I hope this explains it better.

Perhaps you shouldnt be dating her at all. It really sounds like you arent ready and yes we can meet people really quickly after we split with someone significant to us.

But you are holding back on her and yes its only been two dates, no biggie in the scheme of things.

In time though, in a few months down the line if you still feel you arent over your ex, the person who risks getting hurt in this situation isnt you

Theres nothing wrong with having feelings for an ex, its normal, its natural. But if those feelings are making you hold back around someone else, thats a bit unfair.

Because she didnt ask to be brought into a situation where you arent over someone else. You chose to start dating again.

My view is you either give as much as you can to the new relationship if it is going to develop into a relationship without looking back. Or you give yourself a bit more time to work through your feelings before you start dating other people.

tinkerbell73

Orlando_Virgin wrote: »

What I mean is, I have just come through a very difficult, emotional experience where I put in a great deal of my heart and time and commitment to try to make it work with someone. I am still recovering for that not working and piecing my life back together.

I did not expect to connect with somebody else so soon but I can't seriously say I am completely over my ex or that experience and say I can commit to anything with the girl I have been dating. That doesn't mean I want to stop seeing her or anything like that, just difficult that's all. I hope this explains it better.

I know what you mean - i spent the first part of this year getting over a broken heart met several men on POF and went for dates - we got on and clicked or so I thought but more as friends (same interests talked alot about mutual interests but it was all a bit flat). I has decided friends was way to go to stop myself getting hurt again and then a couple of weeks ago I started to talk to a guy and we met and there were fireworks :T:T on both sides i feel like a teenager again and considering i am 40 in a few weeks thats not a bad thing.

The other guys I dated were lovely and we did get on and connect but nothing like this one so think your head will tell you when you are ready and she will pick up on how you are feeling and then its her choice really.

justme111

I can suggest compromise - spending time with her as a friend. Or just continue dating but not implying you are an item and not exclusive. No cheeky kisses either. Really difficult topic because one does not know how one feels about things before it is too late often . That's why I was griling you on acknowledging you do not want her really apart from as some company. If you tell her THAT thuth then you are not withholding any information and you are not going to feel like a w....r later looking at her cry. It not only her who can be damaged by it , you may mess it up with a good long term partner and sometimes life does not give us many chances so as to feel free to mess them up. If you miss some intimate company there would be plenty of women who would be happy to provide it .
People who suggest you do not mention your ex etc - if you are not feelung ready trying to mask your not feeling ready is a deception. Your choice.

Kayalana99

I think unless you really feel like you like this girl and it could go somewhere (not that you have to commit now...but just can you really see this girl being thier in the future? )

Then i'd step back and have a dating break...

But all id say is don't chuck away something that could be great either....

I guess I don't make sense!! :-)

edmund_blackadder

Tiglath wrote: »

I've just remembered my worst ever - kissing a guy and tasting another woman's undercarriage on his beard :eek:

This one made me laugh out loud!

ostrichnomore_2

I wouldn't say it's an absolute no-no to discuss ex's, but it depends how it's done and the context. Me and twomonthrelationship chap have discussed this, but it was in a 'let's talk about our history' way, and from mentioning everyday interactions we both have to have with our ex's. It wasn't just for the sake of it or because we can't stop ourselves talking about them, venting about them, slagging them off, or bemoaning our broken hearts/what we've lost. That sort of talk is the problem.

If you feel it's too soon for you, it probably is.

Orlando_Virgin

Thanks all. I think you're all saying what I already know to be true. That's pretty much that it's too soon. in my heart of hearts I do still have feelings for my ex (fading as they may be) and if I tried to start officially dating this girl that I wouldn't possibly be able to give my all.

The selfish side of me says that having another girl to spend time with helps my healing and helps me to see that there is another chance with someone else.

However, that being said, I like to think of myself as a decent person and the only thing I can see coming out of this is her getting hurt and I certainly don't want that, as it's unfair.

I'll see if she is ok with spending time with friends and explain. To be fair I didn't expect the first two dates to connect like we did, hence calling it a dilemma!

marisco_2

Orlando it is such a short space of time since you split from your ex. It is not surprising that you have mixed emotions and are not feeling totally ready to be dating someone again just yet.

From what you have told us I think you are handling things fairly with the new girl you have started seeing. From the off you made her aware of your situation. You can control the pace of how things progress from here. See it as spending time with someone you like, who you have common interests with and would like to get to know better. Be honest with her and say that you would like to take things slowly. That way you are being upfront and she knows exactly where she stands.

Good relationships can develop from people who start off as friends and things gradually growing from there. Dont rush yourself

Orlando_Virgin

marisco wrote: »

Orlando it is such a short space of time since you split from your ex. It is not surprising that you have mixed emotions and are not feeling totally ready to be dating someone again just yet.

From what you have told us I think you are handling things fairly with the new girl you have started seeing. From the off you made her aware of your situation. You can control the pace of how things progress from here. See it as spending time with someone you like, who you have common interests with and would like to get to know better. Be honest with her and say that you would like to take things slowly. That way you are being upfront and she knows exactly where she stands.

Good relationships can develop from people who start off as friends and things gradually growing from there. Dont rush yourself

WELL. I'm gonna be honest and more than lilely open myself up for some criticism but there you go. I told her in person on Sunday, (she came round cos I just wanted a chat) that I knew in my heart of hearts I wasn't ready for dating and that it wouldn't be fair of me to even consider doing it as I didn't want to mess her around etc.

I said I would like to be friends and she was really understanding and thanked me for being considerate and open. I said I was currently watching Dexter (I borrowed the boxset off a friend, awesome program by the way) and she said she'd like to stay and watch it with me for a while.

Anyway, about 2 episodes in and we're rather snug for a friendship. Practically cuddling and she was stroking my back. I'm struggling with this, there is obviously chemistry and we get on so well. Feel like I've known her for ages, but I know it's unfair and I shouldn't be letting that happen!:(