Worst Dating Experience?

SandC

emmaglet wrote: »

Hey Orlando, how are things? I've enjoyed this thread very much!

I met my bf at a very bad time for him. He had been through a traumatic break up, but I hung around. We managed, how shall I put it, a friendly beneficial situation for some time before I sat him down and confessed that actually, despite my best efforts, I loved him. It took him another few months to realise that yep, he loves me. Yay, good times. It was SO hard for me though, but I could tell from the gestures like back rubs, etc that he had feelings for me. I stuck around until he was able to let me in, and I don't seem to have messed him up too much................................................

Sorry to hijack but emmaglet you give me hope! I'm currently 'being patient' with someone I have had a couple of dates with but a definite, definite connection. Unlike your situation there isn't any contact right now and I'm not entirely sure what to do about that but sit back and get on with things as I was before. I am hoping the no contact is because he does realise he has feelings and has to sort himself out first..... but thanks it's not the end of the world if nothing develops but good to know that sometimes it does. x

Orlando_Virgin

miss_independent wrote: »

Oh dear...it's very difficult this relationship lark isn't it? I think I speak for a lot of us on here Orlando when I say it has always come across on the boards that you are a lovely, decent guy and I really hope it all works out for you. Obviously it's not easy because I know you found the break up so hard and it seemed like you were getting to an ok place with it mentally. I'm sure you're worried about getting back together again and getting hurt but also dealing with the fact that you still love her and want it to work out?

I seem to remember that a few of us said on your thread about the break up, that if it's meant to be you will find your way back to each other. I really believe that and I also believe that you always end up with the person you were meant for. The fact that the other girl upped sticks to Aberdeen could be seen as proof of that! It will all work out for the best, whatever you decide. It's a win win situation.

Wishing you lots of luck over the next few days.

That's such a mega post! Thank you so much, that means alot. I couldn't have summarised it any better myself. I was JUST about getting to a level palce with it all and obviously now I'm not. I'm sh*t scared of ending up back at square 1, that's honestly my main concern.

I have no doubt she still loves me, that is not an issue. The main things that concern me:-

1. How can she be certain after this amount of time, that this is what she wants (answer - I don't think that's possible)

2. I give it a chance and put myself through all this crap again.

3. I don't give it a chance and let her go, do I regret forever?

4. Is she the kind of person that will never be happy with her lot? Is travelling just the start of it? Will it be something else further down the line?

Listen I'm not gonna lie, I count myself lucky to have found someone so ace, I know some never do, I'm just wary.

Orlando_Virgin

SandC wrote: »

Sorry to hijack but emmaglet you give me hope! I'm currently 'being patient' with someone I have had a couple of dates with but a definite, definite connection. Unlike your situation there isn't any contact right now and I'm not entirely sure what to do about that but sit back and get on with things as I was before. I am hoping the no contact is because he does realise he has feelings and has to sort himself out first..... but thanks it's not the end of the world if nothing develops but good to know that sometimes it does. x

Don't you dare apologise you're not hijacking anything! My best friend was a commitment phobe and he struggled with his now wife for a good 12 months before finally admitting he loved her! I was dying to tell him to get a grip as she is an amazing girl, but knew it had to happen naturally for him! It definitely develops if it's meant to, even if they're convinced otherwise for a while!! x

miss_independent

Orlando_Virgin wrote: »

That's such a mega post! Thank you so much, that means alot. I couldn't have summarised it any better myself. I was JUST about getting to a level palce with it all and obviously now I'm not. I'm sh*t scared of ending up back at square 1, that's honestly my main concern.

I have no doubt she still loves me, that is not an issue. The main things that concern me:-

1. How can she be certain after this amount of time, that this is what she wants (answer - I don't think that's possible)

2. I give it a chance and put myself through all this crap again.

3. I don't give it a chance and let her go, do I regret forever?

4. Is she the kind of person that will never be happy with her lot? Is travelling just the start of it? Will it be something else further down the line?

Listen I'm not gonna lie, I count myself lucky to have found someone so ace, I know some never do, I'm just wary.

Lol no probs! I'm definitely no expert in love but...

1. I don't think it's possible either. Only time will tell.

2. To fully love anybody you have to be prepared to get hurt because you NEVER know if you are going to lose them. It's a risk you have to take. The only difference between this and any other girl is that you know she has hurt you once. But she knows she has hurt you too. Is she the kind of person who would risk hurting you again? Can you feel that you 100 % trust her because if can't put this break up behind you, she'll sense that and it won't work out. You'd have to go back into it with a clean slate.

3. Possibly you would... You could get back together and this could happen all over again, you could get back together and it could all work out, you could not get back together and end up with the girl you were really meant for... You never know 100%. That's the problem with being at a crossroads.


I'd suggest that you both take your time...go slow, don't try and jump back in where you left off. Start afresh with each other.

But seriously, when it comes to love I am probably the most clueless individual you could come across so don't necessarily take my advice on board lol! There will be others along with better stuff to say!

SandC

Lol, last time I was with him he said to me that people had told him he was a 'closed book'. I thought 'oh !!!! me too'.

Orlando_Virgin

miss_independent wrote: »

Lol no probs! I'm definitely no expert in love but...

1. I don't think it's possible either. Only time will tell.

2. To fully love anybody you have to be prepared to get hurt because you NEVER know if you are going to lose them. It's a risk you have to take. The only difference between this and any other girl is that you know she has hurt you once. But she knows she has hurt you too. Is she the kind of person who would risk hurting you again? Can you feel that you 100 % trust her because if can't put this break up behind you, she'll sense that and it won't work out. You'd have to go back into it with a clean slate.

3. Possibly you would... You could get back together and this could happen all over again, you could get back together and it could all work out, you could not get back together and end up with the girl you were really meant for... You never know 100%. That's the problem with being at a crossroads.


I'd suggest that you both take your time...go slow, don't try and jump back in where you left off. Start afresh with each other.

But seriously, when it comes to love I am probably the most clueless individual you could come across so don't necessarily take my advice on board lol! There will be others along with better stuff to say!

Don't underestimate yourself, I read all of that stuff nodding my head. Well, either that, or I'm on a par for being the most clueless individual in love in the world. I haven't really had the chance to speak to my friends and most importantly my Mum about any of it yet!? But yeah I think you're right, if it happens, it will just have to be slow and steady and DEFINITELY with a clean slate, I can't carry any baggage over. x

Orlando_Virgin

SandC wrote: »

Lol, last time I was with him he said to me that people had told him he was a 'closed book'. I thought 'oh !!!! me too'.

Just be careful you're not wasting your time though. Obviously I know so little about you and this guy, that I could be advising you to waste your life away and I wouldn't want you to get hurt for no reason.:)

SandC

miss_independent wrote: »

Lol no probs! I'm definitely no expert in love but...

1. I don't think it's possible either. Only time will tell.

2. To fully love anybody you have to be prepared to get hurt because you NEVER know if you are going to lose them. It's a risk you have to take. The only difference between this and any other girl is that you know she has hurt you once. But she knows she has hurt you too. Is she the kind of person who would risk hurting you again? Can you feel that you 100 % trust her because if can't put this break up behind you, she'll sense that and it won't work out. You'd have to go back into it with a clean slate.

3. Possibly you would... You could get back together and this could happen all over again, you could get back together and it could all work out, you could not get back together and end up with the girl you were really meant for... You never know 100%. That's the problem with being at a crossroads.


I'd suggest that you both take your time...go slow, don't try and jump back in where you left off. Start afresh with each other.

But seriously, when it comes to love I am probably the most clueless individual you could come across so don't necessarily take my advice on board lol! There will be others along with better stuff to say!

I was with someone who devastated me when he finished it. I was in bits. 7 months later we connected again and you know what? I found out I was over him, he wasn't prepared to put in the effort that he should have been and I wasn't prepared to not feel like #1 in his life. So this time I walked away happy that it was over and I was now over it.

3 months I'm thinking is a bit too soon. The travelling bug won't go away I don't think and that's a big ask on you to either join her or she doesn't go.

It's certainly worth hearing her out. But don't be scared of having your heart broken - that already happened and you got through it, I think square one doesn't get another look in.

SandC

Orlando_Virgin wrote: »

Just be careful you're not wasting your time though. Obviously I know so little about you and this guy, that I could be advising you to waste your life away and I wouldn't want you to get hurt for no reason.:)

Yeah, thanks Orlando, my own head is doing my head in right at this moment just by virtue of the fact that I feel I'm wasting too much time analysing him/it. I've been very happy on my own and am truly contented - I asked this guy out on recommendation from a mutual friend and whilst this was a big step for me it's only cos I'm in a good place and ready. If nothing happens it's no big deal and I can get over it.

Orlando_Virgin

SandC wrote: »

Yeah, thanks Orlando, my own head is doing my head in right at this moment just by virtue of the fact that I feel I'm wasting too much time analysing him/it. I've been very happy on my own and am truly contented - I asked this guy out on recommendation from a mutual friend and whilst this was a big step for me it's only cos I'm in a good place and ready. If nothing happens it's no big deal and I can get over it.

Sounds like your head is firmly screwed on, don't talk to me about over analysing stuff, jeez, I wrote the book. I do wish sometimes I was a straight meathead male with no clue towards feelings, life would be a much simpler journey....:rotfl: