Boyfriend wont marry me is it time to leave

Treevo

tankgirl78 wrote: »

I have told him i want to marry him and even asked him to marry me about 3-4 years into our relashionship (i wont be doing that again).

We havent spoke about marriage for about a year and half, it become a bit of a dirty work in out house.

Being married to him would mean alot to me for many different reasons, it would be different if he had told me that he didnt believe in marriage or didnt want to ever get married to any one for wheatever reasons, but when ever we have spoke about it there has always been some excuse, the last time it came up he said i didnt make him feel loved because im not very touchy feely but thats the way i have always been its nothing new, im not a kissy touchy person with anyone, it just seems like another excuse to me.

Ignore my other question.

Why do you want to marry him? Really? You don't seem to be in much of a relationship if I'm honest.

globetraveller

If you had a happy life together, you wouldn't be thinking of leaving him. so I think you have your answer.

FBaby

There is only one thing about it. You need to understand and explain well why it means so much to you to be married, after all, people have different reasons for it and your man needs to understand, and explain clearly to you why he doesn't want to do it. You then need to decide whether you can compromise.

Neither of you are in the wrong and you probably have made wrong assumptions about each other's reasons for your feelings. The fact that he is reluctant doesn't have to mean he doesn't love you, or want to spend the rest of his life with you etc...

My hubby to be was extremely anxious about it. My frustration was that we had talked about it and he always said he wanted it...just now yet... I got to the point where I felt he was just keeping me keen but with no intentions to really go with it, which really upset me. Then suddenly, he did it, proposed and his all attitude changed afterwards. He went from always seeming negative about it, to being even more enthusiastic than I.

You need to talk before resentment on both sides take over.

ognum

have you asked him why marriage is not for him, maybe if you understood that then you could move on and life more happily.

Do you want to be married or do you want a wedding?

If you want to be married, tell him you don't need to spend a lot, you would be happy to pop to the registry office with just a few people.

If you want a wedding then maybe the cost, not wanting to be the centre of attention etc may be the issue.

It is so hard to comment without knowing what his issues are. maybe he is genuinely happy as he is now and doesn't want to change that.

milliebear00001

Is the getting married more important than the relationship? I mean, do you want to 'be married', and if that means to somebody else, so be it? We don't know why this man doesn't want to marry you. Have you asked him? Is it you he doesn't want to marry or is it marriage as a whole that he doesn't want.

Two scenarios - my friend's husband was with his previous girlfriend for ten years and never married her. He left her and was married to my friend within two years of leaving - he wanted to be married, just not to his former girlfriend. My husband asked and asked me to marry him and I turned him down several times because marriage just wasn't something I believed in. When it became clear just how upset this made him, and how important it was to him, I agreed to marry him. The relatioship was more improtant to me than my idealogical 'anti-marriage' stance - I did it to make him happy.

There's a reason he doesn't want to get married. You need to get him to be honest with you about that reason.

j.e.j.

it could also be a bit of pressure from OP's family, if they're saying stuff like, oh your sister will be married before YOU..

Lozzy88

My boyfriend has asked me several times to get married and each time I have said no.

From my point of view, my parents are divorced, and from what I am told divorces are an expensive do.

I don't feel the need to be married and I don't think I will change my mind.

Maybe your partner feels simular to me.

Or maybe he is already married...... people do daft things when they are young.

mucklebones

My partner wont get married either, we been together 7 years. Both his parents have married 3 times its not hard to see why he does not believe in it lol.
I do not mind though am happy either way.

Dunroamin

Have you ever heard the expression "He's just not that into you"?

tankgirl78

I dont want to give him an ultimatum, i dont want him to marry me because he thinks he has to!
To be honest if he was to say to me now that he doesnt want to get married because he dosent believe in it or because his parents are divorced then i would want to know why he hadnt said sooner, instead choosing to watch me suffer thinking that there is something wrong with me for years and thats why he hasnt wanted to marry me, thats would make him quite cruel (i dont think he would do that).
I have thought maybe its the cost he is a bit of a penny pincher but he knows i wouldnt want a big wedding and that i would bargain hunt the whole thing.
He is useless at making decisions so that could be a factor, but if he loves me why would he shrug my missery off.

I know i may be rambling abit but all these thought have been going around my head for years now is this is the firts time i have every really voiced them.