My partner is always in a bad mood with me so sad

paulineb_2

Youve been with him 12 years now.

So surely there have been some good times, what are they?

I also must say if someone went out on the lash and didnt get in till 4am I might be worried and sometimes worry comes out all wrong as anger.

If you feel you have reached the end of the road then obviously you need to make some decisions about moving on.

If not, you both need to do some talking, not shouting, not going in the huff, not hanging onto resentment. Talking.

And if after all that things still arent fixable you try and separate as best you can for your kids sake.

Kayalana99

tayforth wrote: »

That has echoes of my OH - 'I shout at you because you do X.' Except he usually shouts, then ignores me.

BTW, try taking responsibility for your own behaviour. You may feel annoyed because he ignores you, but you choose to shout at him.

:rotfl:

Or "I only shout because you shout" "Well im only shouting because your shouting!"

It amazes me how me and my Ex could have the smallest problem but be arguring about who started the argument for nearly 2hours before actally getting to the problem.

CrazyRed

I must admit that I haven't read through this entire thread, so I apologise if this has already been said:

That person co-occupying your house is a bully and a Dominator - no doubt about it.

Please, get yourself and your child out of there and into a place of safety - as someone else said earlier, Womens Aid or equivalent. You are worth more than being spoken to and treated like this and it is important for your future mental health and self-esteem that you stand up for yourself and leave this bullying prat to his own miserable devices.

This site will help empower you, and I strongly recommend having a read through it to understand the Dominator comment I made above - this specific link will take you to a 'sample' of the Programme that, once read and taken on board, should hopefully give you some inner strength to break away : http://www.freedomprogramme.co.uk/sample-online/index.htm

HTH, and good luck.

FBaby

tayforth wrote: »

That has echoes of my OH - 'I shout at you because you do X.' Except he usually shouts, then ignores me.

BTW, try taking responsibility for your own behaviour. You may feel annoyed because he ignores you, but you choose to shout at him.

Absolutely, that is exactly my point. Talking to someone and having some perspective from others makes me realise that it is not just about his behaviour, but mine too. That is why we can work things out. There are times when if I had come on this forum and say it as I saw it, I certainly would have been advise to leave my partner. As it is, we worked our differences, are madly in love and will be married in 5 years time. I have never been so happy in my life.

This is why I think some posters are often too quick to advise to 'just leave him'. Your situation is different, you don't love your partner any longer, and have had issues for many years. However, many couples go through difficult times, some very difficult where leaving seems the only solution, but when it comes down to better communication, better listening and trying to understand, many actually move forward and closer to each other.

Kayalana99

spamhater wrote: »

What sort of responsible parent stays out until 4am and then expects someone else to pick up the pieces the following day while they slob about recovering? I can only assume the OP is young and immature.

I was under the impression that OP stayed out ONCE and still got up with a hang over to look after the child...her only fault was not cleaning the house straight away but she was planning on doing it...just not when the OP demanded that she did it...

Op has also said she does all cooking/cleaning.

I find this very offensive towards woman but not sure if you've got the wrong end of the stick...

happybiker

Well, I've read through the whole thread and think there is more to this than meets the eye!

Birth of her son, PND, major family problems , wanted to play on her phone and cuddle her son?

Yes, it sounds like the OP is depressed and the partner is getting resentfull as it appears he's been ignored or rejected for a long time.

Methinks that A doctors advice and a course of Relate counselling would be the best solution to get to the root of the problem, not a judgemental forum.

Sorry, that's my view, and i'm sticking to it

Bangton

spamhater wrote: »

What sort of responsible parent stays out until 4am and then expects someone else to pick up the pieces the following day while they slob about recovering? I can only assume the OP is young and immature.

I'm not surprised her partner is suspicious - it doesn't seem above board to me either.

As for his "bullying" you need to grow up and deal with it (if it is as bad as you claim) instead of posting an attention seeking sympathy whine on an internet forum. Life is sh** sometimes but avoiding things won't ever solve it and nobody else is going to bail you out.

Anyone who lets a bully get away with it is as much part of the problem as the abuser. They are giving the person the right to repeat their behaviour ad infinitum

Harsh...sometimes it's easier said than done to stand up to a bully when you've been with someone a long time and cared/loved them. Lots of people don't just walk away. I don't know if your male or female but from my perspective, as a female who had a very short term abusive relationship it was incredibly hard to stand up to a person more than a foot taller and much heavier than me when you have no idea how they are going to react or whether they will flip out.

I can only assume you've never experienced something like this as it's so easy to tell someone to 'stand up for themselves' like it's always so easy.

Why are you even on the marriage/relationships thread if your having a go at someone for having a whine ? That's what people do on here (although I'd call it asking for advice/help rather than whining).

Finally, I think a healthy mother/father are the ones who are 'allowed' to take time away for themselves, away from their child. It's not irresponsible. I wouldn't go out till 4am because I tend to get bored of drinking but my partner today said he would happily look after our baby (when born) while I go away for the weekend with my mum. I'd do the same for him...it's not about 'picking up the pieces' it's about allowing that person to be something other than a mum/dad on the odd occasion that they need it. If it was all the time..fair enough but OP has stated she barely ever does it

tayforth

OP - are you all right?

minnie123

FBaby wrote: »

And the scenerio 'could' be as follow:
OP got up, put child in front of TV and sloshed on the sofa, falling asleep in the end. Child went to mum and ask for breakfast, mum said later. OP's partner is outside doing some DIY/gardening. Child comes and ask for breakfast because mummy is asleep on the sofa. OP's partner stops to go and feed child. Then child comes to dad to say he is bored and mummy told him to go and see daddy etc...

Again, I am not saying that is the case. Maybe OP's partner is totally unreasonable. All I was trying to do is understand why OP's partner could be reacting the way he does as my initial reaction to any situations is that people don't act out of the norm without reasons/triggers.

Again, there are two possibilities: Either her OH is an abusive selfish bully who has unrealistic high expectations, or, he might have his reasons to feeling the way he does and he and OP should talk these through.

That is not the case - he actually went out all day Saturday I got up showered my son made him breakfast he asked to play on his PS3 game so I put it on and chilled on the sofa watching him and thought the housework can wait until tomorrow.

I do the majority of the housework and cooking my house is usually immaculate.

I was drunk but wasnt disruptive - he was waiting up for me. I said I was going out I didnt say what time I was due back but I expect he thought 3 at the latest. I was having such a good time I admit I didnt know how late it was.

And Sunday I was playing on my phone after I had changed my son and made him breakfast and he was chilling in bed with me watching some cartoons - I planned to take him to the park then come back and clean the house etc.. until my BF started banging around and looking at me like I was nothing.

paulineb_2

happybiker wrote: »

Well, I've read through the whole thread and think there is more to this than meets the eye!

Birth of her son, PND, major family problems , wanted to play on her phone and cuddle her son?

Yes, it sounds like the OP is depressed and the partner is getting resentfull as it appears he's been ignored or rejected for a long time.

Methinks that A doctors advice and a course of Relate counselling would be the best solution to get to the root of the problem, not a judgemental forum.

Sorry, that's my view, and i'm sticking to it

I think this is a really sensible post and even if its not the situation thats happening here, it just brings home that we all interpret a situation in many different ways.

I do hope things work out for the OP but when people are hurt and have injured feelings we see ourselves as having been wronged.

And sometimes we have been. But if the other person in this scenario posted on here, thats when people could get a bit of balance, assuming of course people are posting honestly.

Anti depressants arent for everyone, neither is counselling but unless you are sure it cant be saved, 12 years is a long time to be with someone and hopefully once the shouting stops and the talking starts you might get somewhere.