My partner is always in a bad mood with me so sad

thehappybutterfly

justme111 wrote: »

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So you do not think "we will talk about it later" is abusive then ?

Actually justme111, his words were "I'll deal with you later" which makes it even worse.

That's threatening and abusive, no doubt about it.

balletshoes

justme111 wrote: »

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So you do not think "we will talk about it later" is abusive then ?

If he'd put it like that, no, I wouldn't think that was abusive - but the OP has stated that he actually said "I'll deal with you later" - and to me that puts an entirely different slant on it.

justme111

Macca83 wrote: »

not really..

Its suggests someone who is annoyed and wants the chance to calm down first before discussing it.

Well , if that was the case how about "could we talk about it later please". Besides she was mot intending to talk to him and in that context one can not interpret it as anything but threat.

Tropez

Regardless of whether the OP's OH has a legitimate complaint, the fact of the matter remains that according to the OP she feels "worthless" on a regular basis due to her OH's behaviour.

Even if she were the one in the wrong, it isn't conducive to her well-being or her son's well-being to remain in this environment. This relationship clearly is not going well for her and at the very least she needs to take time-out from it.

And certainly, feeling worthless is also not conducive to being pro-active about getting some chores done.

justme111

Indeed she written "I will deal with you " indeed can not be interpreted in Amy other way

nearlyrich

No-one should be living in fear of a partner on a day to day basis, if it was your sister OP what would you tell her to do?

Heffi1

Does he ever apologise for the way he speaks to you, as that I think is quite telling. Does he feel he has the right to talk to you in whichever way he likes and if you complain he turns it around to make you take the blame.

It is important that he realises that his behaviour is completely unacceptable and under no circumstances should it be repeated, if it is then there will be consequences, one of which would be for you to leave.

You have to be prepared to call his bluff on this though so do not say it if you cannot carry it out, or you store more trouble for yourself later on.

His behaviour is not acceptable in any circumstances and he needs to know that, so if he does it again, I would stop him mid rant and say. 'you are doing it again, until you calm down I am taking myself away' If you do this then he cannot use the excuse he didn't realise he was doing it.

Look after yourself, and protect your child from his nastiness at all costs as he will grow up thinking that this is the way people should treat each other and I am sure you do not want that to happen.

j.e.j.

justme111 wrote: »

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So you do not think "we will talk about it later" is abusive then ?

'we will talk about this later' is not abusive!

I think OP quoted him as saying I will deal with you later, which is not the way to talk to another adult. I am not saying the guy is blameless.

marisco_2

I have read through this whole thread with growing concern for the OP.

In a healthy partnership a couple have mutual love and respect for each other. They treat each other well and work together as a team. There is plenty of good communication, a willingness to listen and an ability to compromise. These elements in their relationship carry them through the good and bad times and they grow stronger together. They are happy and comfortable in each others company and want the best for each other.

OP your partners intimidating behaviour toward you leaves you feeling anxious, worthless and aware that he always assumes the worst of you. Such is the extent of his manipulative and controlling behaviour that you are on edge when he is around and feel sick at the likelihood of him shouting at you and looking at you with awful disdain. This is no way to live.

For him to say that he would 'deal with you later' and to have told you that he was 'pacing the room shaking with rage' is very worrying. In short he was threatening the possibility of violence. What you are suffering at the moment is emotional abuse. Abuse always escalates. He has already shown signs that he could really lose it with you. Your partner comes across as extremely unstable.

Your child is caught up in the middle of all this. Children are more perceptive than they are given credit for. He will be fully aware of what is happening. If you think you feel scared then times that a hundred times over for your child. He will be very confused and bewildered by all that is being said and done and the atmosphere in the home will be having a detrimental effect on him and you.

You deserve way better than to be living like this.

justme111

j.e.j. wrote: »

'we will talk about this later' is not abusive!

I think OP quoted him as saying I will deal with you later, which is not the way to talk to another adult. I am not saying the guy is blameless.

"I will deal with you later" is far more than just not being blameless .
With we will talk about it later. - yeah probably can be all righ , depends on a context, tone etc although "I do not feel like talking about it now ,sorry , will come back to it later " is far better.
I would not go into "you deserve better "statements , they are so cliche and untrue.