My partner is always in a bad mood with me so sad

j.e.j.

FBaby wrote: »

we only have the OP's account of the event, as always, posters always respond in a black or white manner, assuming that there are never two sides to the story.

I think as always in situations like this there's more going on here than meets the eye. I can see hubby's point of view if he's tired, stressed out, and wifey has gone out on the p1ss, not come back till 4am, then sits there playing games on her phone the next morning while he deals with the child and getting the breakfast ready and the chores done.

OP knows that the reason she's playing games on the phone is because she doesn't want to talk with her husband as he's not very pleasant to be around at the moment. But the husband may not know this and probably is thinking to himself, "great, come in at 4am without letting me know, and now sit there faffing around on your phone while I do all the work, why don't you..!" I think I'd be a bit miffed, too if I were him.

He may have been worried about you, he may have thought you were with someone else. Or he may be behaving unreasonably. I think you BOTH need to talk, maybe away from the home environment, and get to the heart of what's causing all this bad feeling, because I think it's more than just the night out and playing on the phone.

balletshoes

j.e.j. wrote: »

OP knows that the reason she's playing games on the phone is because she doesn't want to talk with her husband as he's not very pleasant to be around at the moment. But the husband may not know this and probably is thinking to himself, "great, come in at 4am without letting me know, and now sit there faffing around on your phone while I do all the work, why don't you..!" I think I'd be a bit miffed, too if I were him.

I don't disagree with this, regarding the late night out and hungover next morning. That might be exactly what he's thinking - but would your husband/partner ever say to you "I'll deal with you later"? That phrase, coming from a partner, in those circumstances, seems to be threatening to me, I can't think of any other way the OP's husband meant that to come across?

FBaby

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

What two sides of "I'll deal with you later", "it seems everything I do is wrong", "every time I do something for myself he makes me feel worthless" and "he does this nearly every day" can you find? I can't fathom any.

My ex could have written all these words. The reality is that I thought he was selfish and lazy. He considered that because he worked full-time (as I was), he had a right to spend more of his week-end staying in bed and doing little in the house, that he was entitled to go out and if he came home late drunk, it was ok because it was only exceptional, expect that his definition of exceptional was different to mine. He considered that he contributed to the household chores, but he only did it when he felt like doing it rather than when it needed to be done. Same with looking after the children, he could be a great dad...when it suited him.

I am not saying that is how the OP is, the reality is that we don't know. However, it's become custom here that as soon as an OP comes and complains about the way their partner make them feel, the response is that they are being abused and bullied.

I always take the approach that there are just about always two sides to any story and that on that basis, it isn't right to draw drastic conclusions as to the level of abuse when we don't know the other side. What we can conclude is that there is a clear breakage in communication, so either they work on this, or indeed, if they are so unhappy and persuaded that it is all one sided, they of course always have the choice to leave.

Mojisola

minnie123 wrote: »

I went out friday night with some friends (a rarity for me) got drunk and so Sat I had a hangover I still looked after my son but I have to admit the house is a mess but I work full time and just wanted to chill and thought it can wait.

I woke up in a good mood I planned to have a cup of tea cuddle in bed with son get ready to go to park pop to shops then come home clean and make dinner and watch a film. Now I jst want to hide in here and I just feel like crying.

j.e.j. wrote: »

I can see hubby's point of view if he's tired, stressed out, and wifey has gone out on the p1ss, not come back till 4am, then sits there playing games on her phone the next morning while he deals with the child and getting the breakfast ready and the chores done.

Did you read the first post?

FBaby

j.e.j. wrote: »

I think as always in situations like this there's more going on here than meets the eye. I can see hubby's point of view if he's tired, stressed out, and wifey has gone out on the p1ss, not come back till 4am, then sits there playing games on her phone the next morning while he deals with the child and getting the breakfast ready and the chores done.

OP knows that the reason she's playing games on the phone is because she doesn't want to talk with her husband as he's not very pleasant to be around at the moment. But the husband may not know this and probably is thinking to himself, "great, come in at 4am without letting me know, and now sit there faffing around on your phone while I do all the work, why don't you..!" I think I'd be a bit miffed, too if I were him.

He may have been worried about you, he may have thought you were with someone else. Or he may be behaving unreasonably. I think you BOTH need to talk, maybe away from the home environment, and get to the heart of what's causing all this bad feeling, because I think it's more than just the night out and playing on the phone.

Thank you, that's exactly what I thought 'could' be the situation.

justme111

FBaby wrote: »

Yes, I think there is nothing more disrespectful than not coming back before 4am (when I assume it wasn't expected), totally drunk (so likely disruptive) and then doing nothing for the rest of the week-end because they need to recover. That to me that IS childish and selfish behaviour.

Yes, if my partner did this without telling me before hand on the basis it was a special night out, I would be very cross indeed, and so would he the other way around. Even more so if he hadn't bothered to contact me and I would be left worried sick. The fact that it might only happen once or twice a year would make no difference to that fact that THAT event would make me feel cross indeed.

And of course, we only have the OP's account of the event, as always, posters always respond in a black or white manner, assuming that there are never two sides to the story.

Sure fbaby , we do mot know whether it was prearranged, how disruptive she was and other detailes , I do not mean to say op done nothing wrong as probably she did , and after all in abusive relationships it takes 2 to tango. We just concentrated on highlights of his behaviour which are way out of order and sent hugs to op who feels not good now.

gizmo111

thehappybutterfly wrote: »

Bloody hell! I'll tell you a little story that'll help put this into perspective:

I went out with some girlfriends from work a few weeks ago. My hubby drove me into the city, we picked up two of my friends on the way and he dropped us off at the pub, told me to have a good time and to phone him when I was ready to come home. We live about 30 minutes drive away.

We ended up at the Casino and I texted him at 1am to let him know that I might be a while. I texted him again at 3am to let him know that I wasn't ready to come home and I was just going to spend the night at my friend's. I texted him again at 8am and asked if he could come and pick me up. He did all this with a smile and a chuckle and even had some sympathy for my tiredness and blinding headache.

That's a husband for you. That's what equal partnership is about. I rarely go out and he knew I was stressed with work and that I just wanted to let my hair down. He may well have been worried that I was up to no good but he's never once accused me of it. And he's also never gone out and done the same as some sort of payback.

I couldn't live my life like yours - I did for long enough with my ex. You shouldn't have to either. Look around this board and you'll see dozens of stories about women (and men!) who have escaped destructive relationships and are all the better for it.

I wish you luck xx

I went out Friday and was in a sorry state yesterday - my EX Husband popped round to see the kids and took pity on me and gave me £30 to go towards having my hair done later that day, moaning his head off that I shouldn't have paid for a taxi the night before when he could have picked me up. Point is no one should fee lguilty for enjoying themselves every now and then and certainly not with the peson you are sharing your life with.

tayforth

We can only ever take posters at face value. They know in their hearts what's true. And the advice that's given assumes that the OP is telling the truth. That's the way I operate, anyway.

FBaby

Sat I had a hangover I still looked after my son

And the scenerio 'could' be as follow:
OP got up, put child in front of TV and sloshed on the sofa, falling asleep in the end. Child went to mum and ask for breakfast, mum said later. OP's partner is outside doing some DIY/gardening. Child comes and ask for breakfast because mummy is asleep on the sofa. OP's partner stops to go and feed child. Then child comes to dad to say he is bored and mummy told him to go and see daddy etc...

Again, I am not saying that is the case. Maybe OP's partner is totally unreasonable. All I was trying to do is understand why OP's partner could be reacting the way he does as my initial reaction to any situations is that people don't act out of the norm without reasons/triggers.

Again, there are two possibilities: Either her OH is an abusive selfish bully who has unrealistic high expectations, or, he might have his reasons to feeling the way he does and he and OP should talk these through.

FBaby

justme111 wrote: »

Sure fbaby , we do mot know whether it was prearranged, how disruptive she was and other detailes , I do not mean to say op done nothing wrong as probably she did , and after all in abusive relationships it takes 2 to tango. We just concentrated on highlights of his behaviour which are way out of order and sent hugs to op who feels not good now.

No problems with hugs, but when the responses go towards 'he is abusive, a bully, leave him, you have done nothing wrong' etc... I start to feel that this is not forcibly the best advice if indeed, there may be good reasons for why the partner is reacting the way he is.