My partner is always in a bad mood with me so sad

minnie123

So I am sat here feeling so sad and thought I would post on here basically my BF (we have been together 12 years with a 4 year old son) is always in a mood with something or me.

I went out friday night with some friends (a rarity for me) got drunk and so Sat I had a hangover I still looked after my son but I have to admit the house is a mess but I work full time and just wanted to chill and thought it can wait.

This morning he flies off the handle as we have no milk - ran out last night it's my fault apparantly - he goes out to gets some now he is banging and crashing downstairs tidying to make a point. He came up 5 mins ago I am staying in the bedroom playing a game on my phone as I feel sick he is gonna shout at me - he looks at me like I am something he found on his shoe. I said I was going to tidy up he said I am sick of you playing on your phone???

It seems every thins I do is wrong and I feel so sad. I work 30hrs a week then go and collect my son I do the majority of the cooking all the clothes washing and majority of the cleaning but it's still not good enough.

Every time I do something for myself he makes me feel worthless. Does it really matter if the house was messy for 1 day or if we chill out for a bit on a sunday morning.

I woke up in a good mood I planned to have a cup of tea cuddle in bed with son get ready to go to park pop to shops then come home clean and make dinner and watch a film. Now I jst want to hide in here and I just feel like crying.

He does this nearly every day.

I want to go out and get away but i cant because we have a car and a he has a work van but the car is shared so he will be in a mood with me if I use the car and why should I always get to use it??

balletshoes

it sounds to me he talks to you more like a parent than a partner? Do you challenge him when he talks to you that way? Have you ever said to him that you don't like the way he talks to you?

I would do that, I'd suggest a time when you are both calm and not feeling resentful of each other, but if your OH talks to you most days like this I'm not sure if that time will be soon?
If not, I think you should take the bull by the horns and just tell him when you get up. Do what you'd planned to do, tell him what you've planned, and tell him you don't like being talked to like that, you find it disrespectful and would he talk to his family/close friends like that, because you should get no less respect than everyone else who he is close to.

eta- as far as the car is concerned, if you want to use it just ask him if he has any plans for the car today, as you thought you'd pop off to ...... wherever.

tayforth

Massive hugs.

Do you have anyone you can talk to? What about finances etc?

This sounds horribly like my situation - my thread is on here if you want to read it. I can post a link.

I'm ending it with my OH tomorrow, but it's taken me a while to get there. You don't have to take this.

BitterAndTwisted

Why do you allow him to treat you this way? He sounds like a nasty bully, or someone with arrested development acting like a moody teenager.






"He does this nearly every day".

So, your having gone out the other night has nothing to do with it. It's just a convenient excuse for him to hang this behaviour on.

Ever thought about leaving him to his own, miserable devices? I would.

minnie123

he just walked past the bedroom door looked in at me like crap I just feel all anxious now. I had a bad time after I had my son PND and my dad had 4 strokes when my son was 2 months old him and mum have split and he doesnt have a partner so my whole maternity leave was spent looking after my dad and son and grandad (as my dad was left incapable) and feeling very low. Its only recently got easier and now im back at work full time I jst want to chill out and enjoy myself a bit in the weekend. what is wrong with a bit of a chill out. I find myself hoping he is going to go out.

minnie123

I dont wanna bore my friends with it one just got married and on honeymoon another one lost her dad a few wkksa ago and my other friends mum is battling with cancer. My older sis lives far away and split with her fella last week and has gone on holiday, my younger sister has major relationship problems and her partner has literally just come out of rehab and she has 2 very young children. My mum has fibromyalgia and ME and like I said my dad is not the same since his strokes.

minnie123

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

Why do you allow him to treat you this way? He sounds like a nasty bully, or someone with arrested development acting like a moody teenager.






"He does this nearly every day".

So, your having gone out the other night has nothing to do with it. It's just a convenient excuse for him to hang this behaviour on.

Ever thought about leaving him to his own, miserable devices? I would.

He was annoyed cos I didnt come back until 4 am but I have not done that for years and I was having such a good time - he assumed I was up to something. He always assumes the worst of me. He said it's a good job you didnt come back at 3 cos I was pacing the room shaking with rage. I said I didnt realise the time why didnt he just ring me - he said he wanted to see what time I thought it was acceptable to come in. Then yesterday he went out looked at me with his horrible look I said sorry for bein so late and he just said I will deal with you later so I spent all day dreading his return

BitterAndTwisted

He's a !!!!!! and he's bullying you with his moody behaviour. Why put up with it? Your child is four, not an innocent babe in arms unaware of the relationships going on around him. Do you want your son to think his father's behaviour is normal, and then emulate it? Because that is precisely the danger

BitterAndTwisted

minnie123 wrote: »

and he just said "I will deal with you later" so I spent all day dreading his return

He'll "deal with you later"? What is this a-hole, the Mum-coming-home-late Police? You shouldn't have to ask his permission to go out once in a blue moon, and you most certainly shouldn't have to answer to him about what time you choose to come home. Eff him!

balletshoes

minnie123 wrote: »

He was annoyed cos I didnt come back until 4 am but I have not done that for years and I was having such a good time - he assumed I was up to something. He always assumes the worst of me. He said it's a good job you didnt come back at 3 cos I was pacing the room shaking with rage. I said I didnt realise the time why didnt he just ring me - he said he wanted to see what time I thought it was acceptable to come in. Then yesterday he went out looked at me with his horrible look
I said sorry for bein so late and he just said I will deal with you later so I spent all day dreading his return

Have you ever stood up to him? What an appalling way to speak to anyone, I'd have stopped him in his tracks by challenging him the first time he ever said anything like that to me.

notanewuser

minnie123 wrote: »

He was annoyed cos I didnt come back until 4 am but I have not done that for years and I was having such a good time - he assumed I was up to something. He always assumes the worst of me. He said it's a good job you didnt come back at 3 cos I was pacing the room shaking with rage. I said I didnt realise the time why didnt he just ring me - he said he wanted to see what time I thought it was acceptable to come in. Then yesterday he went out looked at me with his horrible look I said sorry for bein so late and he just said I will deal with you later so I spent all day dreading his return

Leave him. This isn't heading anywhere good.