My partner is always in a bad mood with me so sad

duchy

Frankly if someone is as unhappy and insecure in their own home as the OP says she is-the rights and wrongs aren't relevant -something needs to change as home is the one place you should feel safe.

(The "I'll deal with you later" comment would have had one of two results for me however......either HE packed his bags or I did -Completely unacceptable)

Some couples thrive on rows -and a few have posted on here - but from what the OP has said -they aren't one of those couples.

paulineb_2

Of course we can only answer based on information given. But, most people dont have time to sit down and give a balanced view on everything thats gone wrong or if they do, its something that will take a good few pages.

I think to be honest, we don't always see ourselves the way other people see us. If the OP's partner posted on here and said, I'm really cheesed off with my home life because my gf does this this and this I would imagine some of the same people on here would be giving him advice/sympathy.
Including myself no doubt.

I said earlier, even in relationships where I was badly treated can I look back and think of instances where I dealt with things badly or didnt behave well. Yes, I can and sometimes thats hard to do, because in life we tend to apportion blame for a lot of things. Blame on other people.

And I would imagine a lot of people who go to counselling as couples might be shocked when they sit down and find out what their partner thinks of them and their behaviour.

Also, its great to have a place to come and offload. But, if people are reaching the end of their tether with a situation and posting on here, all the tea and sympathy in the world wont change a thing unless the two people concerned actually sit down and try and sort things out.

And because theres a child growing up in the middle of this, seriously its not good to be growing up in an atmosphere of mum not speaking to dad and vice versa, kids are sensitive, they pick up on things.

You are both adults. You need to start acting like adults and treating one another with a bit of respect and if you cant do that then its time to get professional help or leave. Relationships do break down, but you dont stay 12 years with someone and have a child to them if its always been awful.

If you are feeling low and things are really bad at home then yes you might want to retreat into yourself and not come out. But we get one life.
It can be short enough and surely you want to have a happy life, be it with your partner, on your own or with someone else than sit day in and day out because your relationship is falling apart.

If the OP and her partner dont take steps to resolve this, in a years time she'll be posting with more unhappy updates. And Ive been there, wasnt married, didnt have kids and didnt live with them but it was a long term relationship and rather than bashing my head off a brick wall thinking things might change I actually woke up and realised they wouldnt and I left.

That was my decision, it doesnt need to be yours, but in the absence of magic wands, you both need to try and resolve whatever it is that makes you relate to one another in a negative way and if you cant, you need to try and leave with the least damage to you both and your child.

Staying and doing nothing wont change anything, it will just be more years of feeling sad ahead of you.

And we all deserve a bit more than that.

FBaby

I really don't see the point of these threads any longer. What is the OP coming here for? To receive complete sympathy from strangers because they are not getting it at home, so tell the story in a way that they do get it? Are they coming for advice of whether they should leave their partner? Surely you wouldn't go by the advice of total strangers? Or are they coming here for advice, for different views, different perspectives and in that case, they have all to gain to say it exactly as it is, but also have to be prepared to read things they might not want to at the time, but might allow them to later reflect on the situation and learn from it.

victory

Bazey wrote: »

Your husband sounds like a d!ck, have you thought about leaving him... etc.

Giving more advise?

patchwork_cat

The thing with issues like this is we only get one side, no saying I'll deal with you later etc. is overly parental. If the OP's partner was to have written the OP and said partner said she was going for a couple of drinks with the girls and I expected back at 11pm she finally rolled in at 4 am, very drunk and we have lost the whole weekend now because she is hungover. I was really worried. What would the responses be?

victory

FBaby wrote: »

I really don't see the point of these threads any longer. What is the OP coming here for? To receive complete sympathy from strangers because they are not getting it at home, so tell the story in a way that they do get it? Are they coming for advice of whether they should leave their partner? Surely you wouldn't go by the advice of total strangers? Or are they coming here for advice, for different views, different perspectives and in that case, they have all to gain to say it exactly as it is, but also have to be prepared to read things they might not want to at the time, but might allow them to later reflect on the situation and learn from it.

The person that posts the threads puts it their way, be it unhappy, hard done by, they include or omit vital details to suit, they need reasons to stay but know if they were advising a friend they would say leave, work it out, go to relate etc....

They are defensive, posting when angry, hurt, depressed, unwell etc it comes across as negative and prickly and fiercely defensive of themselves and the person they are putting down on the thread....

They sometimes need a magic wand, or 'you are so right' but put in the mix a load of different ways of looking at the problem and loads of posts will be hard to read, unpalatable and make the poster defensive and rude.

Not getting your own way/ the answer you crave is hard to take.

Mojisola

patchwork_cat wrote: »

The thing with issues like this is we only get one side, no saying I'll deal with you later etc. is overly parental. If the OP's partner was to have written the OP and said partner said she was going for a couple of drinks with the girls which is a rare event for her and I expected back at 11pm she finally rolled in at 4 am, very drunk and we have lost the whole weekend now because she is hungover but I've still walked out of the house, leaving her in charge of our child because I always go to the gym on Saturdays. I was really worried. What would the responses be?

I would wonder whether he had tried phoning/texting his OH when she didn't come home and that she should have let him know she'd be so late.

I would also wonder how often he goes out and does he always let her know what time he will be back.

Bangton

Tropez wrote: »

You're absolutely right, advice doesn't always need to be leave him.

However, we can only go on what we've been told and our own subjective opinions on that information. In this instance, the OP has said, clearly, that she is unhappy the vast majority of the time and the fact is, whether she has reason to or not, she does feel controlled and feels that her OH pressures her and tries to exert control upon her.

And that is what is important. The OP's OH could be a model citizen but if the OP is feeling all of these negative emotions then that relationship, at this moment in time, is not suitable for her in my opinion.

Someone else said that during their relationship at one point they were afraid of opening the door when coming home from work because they believed a row was about to ensue, but they are glad they didn't leave their OH - fair enough, it worked for them, but personally, I'd have ended that relationship because feeling constantly down, upset and that everything you do is going to lead to a row is something that life is too short to bother with as far as I'm concerned.

A good relationship may be worth fighting for, but it's never worth emotionally beating or killing yourself over.

And I say that as a man.

It was I who said I didn't leave and I could have gone but why would I? Up to then life was fine, life has been since. Please show me a couple who haven't had their bad moments. I didn't get an emotional beating it was short term in the scheme of our entire relationship. I was very happy before and am very happy now. In fact id go as far as to say we are stronger now for going through these patches and I'm glad it happened even if I was down at the time. I look back and realise it was both of us not communicating. I told my side because I think it's key to realise relationships have their bad times, it's a shame I've made it appear so awful you'd end it. You know absolutely nothing about me and my partner only this brief part in our lives that I've chosen to share yet you say you'd have left?! On the basis of a small paragraph of info.....

Tropez

Bangton wrote: »

It was I who said I didn't leave and I could have gone but why would I? Up to then life was fine, life has been since. Please show me a couple who haven't had their bad moments. I didn't get an emotional beating it was short term in the scheme of our entire relationship. I was very happy before and am very happy now. In fact id go as far as to say we are stronger now for going through these patches and I'm glad it happened even if I was down at the time. I look back and realise it was both of us not communicating. I told my side because I think it's key to realise relationships have their bad times, it's a shame I've made it appear so awful you'd end it. You know absolutely nothing about me and my partner only this brief part in our lives that I've chosen to share yet you say you'd have left?! On the basis of a small paragraph of info.....

Based on what you said, yes I would have.

If I ever experience one day in my life when I am anxious and reluctant to open the door to my own house for fear of what will happen when I do because of someone else then I know that relationship isn't for me anymore.

As I say, it worked for you and that's fair enough. My point was that what we're willing to tolerate is subjective and based on our individuality and that is only ever how we can respond to these posts.

marisco_2

Tropez wrote: »

If I ever experience one day in my life when I am anxious and reluctant to open the door to my own house for fear of what will happen when I do because of someone else then I know that relationship isn't for me anymore.

You have got that spot on. No-one should be made to feel like that. If they do there is something seriously wrong in their relationship.