My partner is always in a bad mood with me so sad

Tropez

Bangton wrote: »

I'm inclined to agree. .I worry a vulnerable person is told her bloke is abusive etc and subsequently believes it when It's probably not the case. I bet following a row I could post on here some of the things my partner has said to me and he'd be abusive. Likewise I bet he could! But the point is I live that relationship everyday of my life and know 100 per cent neither of us are abusive .. We care deeply for each other, we just aren't that kind when we are angry with one another. ( never physical i should point out! )Is anyone? If someone feels bad enough to post on a forum however, I do think they are struggling In their relationships. Why else would you post ? But I agree the advice doesn't always need to be leave him!

You're absolutely right, advice doesn't always need to be leave him.

However, we can only go on what we've been told and our own subjective opinions on that information. In this instance, the OP has said, clearly, that she is unhappy the vast majority of the time and the fact is, whether she has reason to or not, she does feel controlled and feels that her OH pressures her and tries to exert control upon her.

And that is what is important. The OP's OH could be a model citizen but if the OP is feeling all of these negative emotions then that relationship, at this moment in time, is not suitable for her in my opinion.

Someone else said that during their relationship at one point they were afraid of opening the door when coming home from work because they believed a row was about to ensue, but they are glad they didn't leave their OH - fair enough, it worked for them, but personally, I'd have ended that relationship because feeling constantly down, upset and that everything you do is going to lead to a row is something that life is too short to bother with as far as I'm concerned.

A good relationship may be worth fighting for, but it's never worth emotionally beating or killing yourself over.

And I say that as a man.

DUTR

Indo77 wrote: »

There is a major anti-men bias in this forum. The general way threads start are

OP: I hate my husband/BF. He did this/that. He never listens to me. He is the worst person on Planet Earth.

Reply1: Your Husband who I have never met in my life sounds like my husband/bf. Get out while you can...


Reply2: He is a ******* You deserve better

What always strikes me is the non-objective nature of the replies.
Whether they are male/female we don't know the facts.

You are quite correct, the other problem with forums sometimes as well is that rarely the OP is wrong even when they are.
'Dedicated' Mum's can be bullies but that is cast aside , kids can be terrible, but they are not because they can never do wrong in the Mum's eyes.
It's a shame really , if I want to learn something about women I don't ask 50 of my male aquaintances as asking several females is more likely to cast light on my quiery.

Sometimes people raise their voices when they are upset, they are not necessarily shouting, and if someone is around another and being negative and unconfident it can wear the other person down.

LannieDuck

balletshoes wrote: »

If you expected him to look after his son for one day, did you tell him in advance?

Well, Dad certainly expected Mum to look after his son for the day and didn't tell her in advance.

LannieDuck

OP, it's quite difficult to judge how reasonable your night out was without some context.

Do you and OH both work full time, and about the same hours?
Do you and OH share the housework evenly? (From your replies, I'm guessing no)
Do you and OH share the childcare evenly? (From your replies, I'm guessing no)
Do you and OH both have spare time to spend as you'd like? (From your replies, it sounds like he gets to go to the gym regularly - do you have similar hobbies that you do? Does he ever check that you're ok to babysit before he goes off to the gym?)

I'm guessing some of the answers to my questions above, but it sounds to me like he's taking you for a bit of a mug.

I think it would have been polite for you to let him know by text when you decided to stay out later than you'd planned, but he was totally unreasonable in his reaction to you staying out late. Shaking with rage is never acceptable. Threats to 'deal with you later' are never acceptable.

sassyblue

iwb100 wrote: »

I think the trouble is that we don't know what is going on with the OP's husband. We've only had a one sided account and not his version.

He may well be a horrible bullying monster. But equally he might not be.

People are very quick to condemn a man but less so with a woman.

I think understanding what his issue is would be a start. Perhaps he's unhappy, perhaps he is having some sort of trauma or perhaps he feels insecure?

I don't know why lately people come out casting doubt on the posters story. We can only ever go by what we are told and answer to that effect.

The OP's partner threatens her, makes her feel worthless, doesn't like her using the car, or going out. He's not acting like a victim.

DUTR

sassyblue wrote: »

I don't know why lately people come out casting doubt on the posters story. We can only ever go by what we are told and answer to that effect.

The OP's partner threatens her, makes her feel worthless, doesn't like her using the car, or going out. He's not acting like a victim.

He is if he is the insecure type, perhaps his mind was doing overtime when the OP was out and he suspects she is having an affair or got chatted up, he maybe just scared that he may lose her.

I don't think people are casting doubt, there is no denying that we only get one side of the story.

gizmo111

there is no denying that we only get one side of the story

But isnt that the same when you support a real life friend?

flashnazia

sassyblue wrote: »

I don't know why lately people come out casting doubt on the posters story. We can only ever go by what we are told and answer to that effect.

The OP's partner threatens her, makes her feel worthless, doesn't like her using the car, or going out. He's not acting like a victim.

Context is everything.

balletshoes

LannieDuck wrote: »

Well, Dad certainly expected Mum to look after his son for the day and didn't tell her in advance.

did he? I thought from what the OP posted, that Dad went off to the gym at the weekends regularly, so she would have known in advance?

LannieDuck

balletshoes wrote: »

did he? I thought from what the OP posted, that Dad went off to the gym at the weekends regularly, so she would have known in advance?

Dad walked out before son woke up, and just assumed that OP didn't have plans that day.

I agree with you that this is comes down to communication problems. I just don't like the idea that Mum has to give Dad advance notice for 'childminding' (does that term even apply to your own children?), but Dad doesn't have to give Mum similar notice.