Savings when seperating- scared I will lose it all

Eager_Elephant

Not sure if you are checking your other thread - I have posted and had a similar problem to you.

I forgot to say - when I used to get the bus to school we would have Bus Monitors (2 kids from the oldest year) would write down bad behaviour and they would hand in the book the next morning and you were told off if your name was in the book.

I think each bus needs monitors!!

This of course would only work on private contract buses (which we have) and not public buses (which anyone can use)

Hope you get this issue sorted.

teawithmilk

Thanks, I just popped out at lunch for five minutes and have missed call back from school! Damn.

WHAT a weekend. Got DD back from his house on saturday and she was trying to be cheerful about what happened on bus home on Friday. Then within 10 mins of getting home we descovered that she had started her periods! Well she started crying and asking questions and I was trying to calm her down and had to sit cuddling her most of the evening while I told her (again) about human biology!

Thank god it happened when she was with me and not Ex. I really doubt he would have given her much sympathy and he would have just ended up having to call me to come and sort it all out anyway.

She was so sad, because I think she knows thats it now, something about her little life has fundamentally changed. I just feel sad because she is SO young. I was hoping she would be free of all that for another year or two. I was a bit upset too but couldnt show it as it would have set her off again. My baby girl is growing up!

To her absolute credit she went off today to the bus, and said she was going to try and ignore the nasty girls on the bus. I will see what happens tonight and hopefully will be able to get some advice from the school.

Made some progress- I found the missing door key to his house. I sneaked round this morning just to try the key in the door to see if it was the correct one. It did fit but he has booby trapped the front door! he has barricaded it in with boxes and equipment so when i tried to open the door an inch it all came crashing down. Oh dear. I will give him the key back I might say that I will exchange it for accurate meter readings. Cancelling BT will cost me another £30 which he will never pay me back.

Still, just got BT and gas and leccy to go then thats it- no more ties to him or that house. He sent me a text demanding to know what the breakdown of bills was as he must have had a shock getting a council tax bill in his name through. He must have assumed I was still paying it on his behalf! Funny how he can seem to get texts and e mails without any glitches when it suits him but they seem to mysteriously "dissapear" allegedly and never get to him when they are from me asking him to pay me money he owes or say things he doesnt like in them!

tattycath

I know someone like that regarding texts, e.mails etc...
Yes, re. Your DD, they do seem to grow up too fast as it is these days and with the onset of periods, just reinforces a bit more that your little one is growing up-fast.
Stay strong TWM, you are doing brilliantly with everything you have had to face/deal with in the last year. We're all behind you.

RAS

teawithmilk wrote: »

She was so sad, because I think she knows thats it now, something about her little life has fundamentally changed. I just feel sad because she is SO young. I was hoping she would be free of all that for another year or two. I was a bit upset too but couldnt show it as it would have set her off again. My baby girl is growing up!

It may be that she was more sensitive to the bullying just before her period as well?

shimmer101

How are you getting on now? Hope that things have settled down and you are feeling happier

teawithmilk

Thanks for asking, I'm OK!

I FINALLY managed to get the meter readings from him after umpteen messages to him (all polite) asking. I think they are accurate and luckily there isnt a massive final bill for me to pay.

It felt really wierd cancelling it. I felt sad and upset. It was the last bill in my name at that property. My friend said I was bound to feel sad as it was almost like the end of an era.

I keep telling myself that I have done the right thing. He detests me now. He has told me numerous times that he cant stand the sight of me and I know he hates me for leaving, as if I have done him a massive "wrong" and hurt his pride by leaving. I am also irrationally a bit hurt still that he never bothered to fight for our relationship...maybe he thought I betrayed him too much by leaving. I dont know, its done now. He never answers my e mails or text messages unless it suits him.

Every time that I get sad I try and remember stuff that he has done that has upset me or has been wrong, to convince myself that I made the right decision. For example, messing up my fleebay account and leaving me with the hassle of sorting it out. DD upsets me sometimes as she says he misses me, and that really hurts, but I dont think he can truly miss me if he is being so horrible to me and not even wanting to speak to me.

I can't believe I have been in my new house for over 5 months now! it is really starting to feel like home. DD and I have got into a fairly boring but normal routine now- life isnt easy for me being a single mum and working full time..my house is always messy and I'm constantly running around doing errands and trying to juggle work and home. But at least it is all my responsibility...I have no one to answer to (apart from the bank!)

i have spent a bit of my emergency fund on doing some essential jobs to the house and I have an expensive job coming up (some electrical work/rewiring) but after that I will have to stop spending money and get building up my funds again!

I still havent gone to the CSA and he hasnt paid me any of the money he owes me for bills on his house but I'll just have to write that off.

I need to think about going to the CSA. I know that I should, but I am procrastinating again. It will open a lot of wounds with him and he will be furious. Not that I care really (I shouldnt care should I?) but I could really do without the stress at the moment. Im only just starting to feel like my life is getting "normal" again.

paulineb_2

Furious? But hes not paying what he should be towards your daughter.

His anger/moods means that hes getting his own way.

RAS

I still havent gone to the CSA and he hasnt paid me any of the money he owes me for bills on his house but I'll just have to write that off.

You are still in an abusive relationship.

Write to him now, formally.

Advise him how much he owes you for the bills on the house. Ask that he pays you that money within 30 days.

Also remind him that you have helped him sort out the house but that he is contributing nothing to the upkeep of his daughter.

Ask him for 12% of his gross salary and explain that in the absence of this, you will have to go to the CSA. Ask for a standing order set up by the beginning of next month. Advise him that if any payments fail, you will go to the CSA.

Everything he has done so far proves that he will be incapable of paying regularly by standing order, so you need to be ready to go to the CSA quickly. One text saying "money is not there, will be contacting CSA tomorrow" and do it

teawithmilk

I know thats the right way to go. I just have to get my head around these stupid feelings and fears I have.....I can't get over the guilt of leaving. But I'm so glad I did now. We never had a normal relationship and its taking me time to just realise that and get used to all the massive changes that have happened over the last 12 months. Talking to you all here really helps! Thank you.

egoode

I think you should go to the CSA now. It's best to get all this out of the way as soon as possible rather than waiting until later and causing yourself and everyone else more upset later down the line. Are you also planning to do the financial clean break at some point? As I think from memory you didn't do this when you got divorced. If so I'd also be looking at trying to do this asap as well.