Savings when seperating- scared I will lose it all

teawithmilk

My OH and I have never been good with money. He is worse than me with spending but we both got into a lot of debt 5-6 years ago, which was made worse by him not getting work, spending a lot of money on doing up the house and calling it his "job" as he was adding value to the house.

Anyway upshot was that we had to sell the house and relocate - this was a decisions that I pushed because I wanted to be closer to my family and it moved us to an area where he could get work again and he found a well paid job. We now both bring in decent incomes. So it was a good decision, if a sad one as we had to sell our beloved house.

The equity from the house was split (this was in 2010) he agreed to give me a bigger share because I had been working and paying the mortgage and a lot of the debt in my name was run up on stuff for the house- buidling materials etc, so technically it was joint costs even though it was in my name and on my credit cards.

Apart from agreeing this financial split (which was about 60/40 in my favour) we have never had any joint accounts or made any financial decisions together as he HATES discussing money and starts getting grumpy moody and stressed whenever I try and talk about finance with him.

He used his money to pay back some debts to his mum and the rest just went on propping up his bank account. He has now defaulted on all his debts and has been on a DMP for a few years. At the time we got the lum sum from the house I tried to persuade him to go for full and final settlements on his debts but he refused to discuss with me and said it was his decision (ie none of my business)

All this means that I can never do anything jointly financially with him, (even if I wanted to) as he has a shocking credit record. He says that he ran up the debts for the good of the family (we have a ten yr old daughter) but I know he has mainly run them up on frivolities and also the interest payments have boosted the balances. Im not sure but I think he is in debt to the tune of around 40k.....

Since 2010 I have been saving like mad and with the money I got fro the equity from the house I have savings which he doesnt know about of around 35k.

My plan for this was to get together some money for DDs future- soon she will be wanting driving lessons and other teenager things and also education or helping her with starting out in life. I also dreamed about getting a deposit for another house (Im sick of being in rented accom and having to move all the time) and my car is nearly 10yrs old so i will need another one at some point.

If I seperated from him, as I am just sick of his childish attitude towards everything in life, could he get his mitts on my hard earned savings??? could I put it in DDs name as it was meant for her anyway.

BugglyB

Are you married?

FBaby

Definitely not if you are not married. Sounds like you did the right thing selling the house before it got out of hand.

maman

:T on not getting tied up with him financially. You're very lucky that he didn't want joint accounts so that he could spend even more on rubbish!

However, I wouldn't tell him about the money you've got saved let him think you're just managing on your income. You're right your daughter will need money in the coming years but she's his daughter too. He should contribute when it comes to things like school trips abroad, fancy phone, driving lesson, designer outfits etc. Don't appear so comfortable that he thinks you don't need his share. Even if he gives nothing at least remind him that he should!

MrsAnnie

maman wrote: »

:T on not getting tied up with him financially. You're very lucky that he didn't want joint accounts so that he could spend even more on rubbish!

However, I wouldn't tell him about the money you've got saved let him think you're just managing on your income. You're right your daughter will need money in the coming years but she's his daughter too. He should contribute when it comes to things like school trips abroad, fancy phone, driving lesson, designer outfits etc. Don't appear so comfortable that he thinks you don't need his share. Even if he gives nothing at least remind him that he should!

However, as I understand it, if they are married and getting divorced that each party has to make full disclosure of all savings and assets for the court to be satisfied that neither party is being unfairly disadvantaged.

maman

MrsAnnie wrote: »

However, as I understand it, if they are married and getting divorced that each party has to make full disclosure of all savings and assets for the court to be satisfied that neither party is being unfairly disadvantaged.

I'm pretty sure they aren't married.

MrsAnnie

I wasn't too sure of the martial status.

It would be a blessing if they aren't married, given the OPs savings and circumstances


ETA - that angry face at the top of my post is a mistake!! and I don't know how to make him disappear!!

Any

OP can you please confirm if you are married?
If not, then he cannot get his mitts on your savings. On nothing of yours, given you are renting and have completely separate finances.
What right to it do you think he would have?
Just to be able to think over all possibilities.

teawithmilk

Unfortunately (!) we are married.

All the savings have been built up by me. he doesnt know I've been quietly saving up since we sold the house. Im still bad with money and could save more if I was motivated to do so but his spending is a bit of a de-motivator....for example if he buys himself some new gadget it makes me feel mad with myself for bothering to save when he is just buying whatever he wants for himself. Then I go on a splurge to cheer myself up, then feel bad for doing so.

I tried to raise the subject of savings the other day because he says occasionally that he is saving money for our DD. When I asked him outright how much he had got saved and where he was saving it he wouldnt answer me. I got a bit angry and said if he got hit by lightning I wouldnt even have a clue what insurance policies (if any) or savings he had. He still wouldnt answer me and just went in a mood. So I think the simple answer is that he hasn't been saving money at all, just frittering his wage away. I pay all the household bills and rent and he pays me a set amount every month which is exactly half of the cost of rent, utilities etc. He only does this reluctantly and its taken years of nagging to even get him to do this. Most months its late coming into my bank account and I have to remind him, even though he gets paid more than me. I only know what he gets paid as I saw one of his payslips.

My wage would pay all the bills (just) so in theory if we were compatible financially we could almost bank his whole wage! He gives me £800 per month which is half of all household costs, bills childcare and running the car. But I know he gets paid nearly 2k a month after tax so what the hell is he doing with his remaining £1200 per month ..ok a bit is going on debt payments and various insurances and his own travel to work but he must still have 4-500 disposable income each month which he is just spending on rubbish. Its easy to do when he is buying booze all the time and has expensive hobbies.

I have been saving most of the money he has been giving me for his half of the outgoings and thats why I have built up good savings- while he fritters away his remaining wage on rubbish, designer clothes, hobbies and drinking.

The house is rented in my name only (due to his credit record) but I have been offered another house by someone I know who is sort of aware that I am so unhappy with him...but I have to decide by next Friday as they have another tenant lined up too. Its a lovely 2 bed bungalow- just right for me and DD...I feel like just moving out and going.

I had this mad idea that I could rent it secretly without OH knowing then I would have a bolthole to go to when things get really bad and we are arguing al the time! If all my savings are going to be taken by him anyway then theres no point hanging onto them? The only downside is that it would cost me around 6k in rent/council tax for a year. I could then hand in notice on my current house and OH would have until September to sort himself out with a place of his own...I would pay the rent on it until September which I'd have to do anyway.

Errata

If you separate your savings are yours and he can't get at them until you divorce. Which can easily be not for five years from the date of separation which will give you plenty of time to use them as a deposit for a house/world cruise/give them to Battersea dogs home/seek watertight financial advice.

foreign_correspondent

Go and see a lawyer for advice, really it's the only way to go, lots of people can give opinions on here, but everyone's circumstances are different, so you really need proper legal advice.