Savings when seperating- scared I will lose it all

NAR

Kayalana99 wrote: »

I don't know why your getting on your high horse about it. I am only trying to help, and I havn't been though it but I do know one person in particular with kids who managed it just fine (But then they were both fair about it). Obvouisly every situation is differernt and if OP feels the need which since she has already looked into pricing then she is most likey going down the solictor route but I was only giving my opinion.

I am still sticking to my guns, as I see it as a waste of money unless he is unwilling to see reason.

Feel free to tell me twice but it won't change my point of view

I'll tell you for the third time your ill advised claptrap will not help OP. Yes you can have a point of view, but keep it to yourself as OP has difficult enough decisions and choices to make, without your rubbish muddying the waters..

NAR

teawithmilk wrote: »

Yes, but the girl I spoke to sounded v young (showing my age!)

she said that if i bought a house in the next 6 months but he didnt move into it, so it never became the marital home, he would have less of a claim on it. She is sending me an e mail summarising what she said. I might get a 2nd opinion from my brothers solicitor. Just want to be crystal clear as this house/security of knowing where we are living issue is so important to me.

its all down to how the courts view assets anyway she said so she couldnt give me a definative answer. I will wait and see what the e mail says. I came home in a good mood until I found out what an idiot I had been leaving info lying around.

I could get a nice 2 bed house round here, nothing fancy, for 135k...so with 5k (approx) set aside for costs I could put down a 35k deposit and borrow 100k which would be a repayment I could afford over 25yrs repayment mortgage....especially if I fixed it for a few yrs but Id need to put aside money for divorce solicitors

OK he saw the paper. I doubt you are going to be able to keep your intentions quiet for much longer.But if you get into your new house, spend the money, his chances of getting at it are greatly reduced.

Ask yourself will he ever change his ways? From what you have said that is unlikely. So ignore the charm offensive and stick to your plan of action.

Personally I would allow £5k for a solicitor's fund, just in case it gets nasty (worst case scenario).

justme111

You do not have to pay estate agents £100 every 6 months to renew the rwnt contract , just ask for it to roll into statutory periodic tenancy.
I can imagine how outraged everybody was if it was a man who tried to protect some secret stash before divorce, in fact we just had a thread on this topic with indignated replies how everything is matrimonial asset and how rightly he would go to jail if he tries to put money in trust for his daughter.

charlearose

justme111 wrote: »

You do not have to pay estate agents £100 every 6 months to renew the rwnt contract , just ask for it to roll into statutory periodic tenancy.
I can imagine how outraged everybody was if it was a man who tried to protect some secret stash before divorce, in fact we just had a thread on this topic with indignated replies how everything is matrimonial asset and how rightly he would go to jail if he tries to put money in trust for his daughter.

actually i was just thinking the same thing, i didn't see that thread you mentioned but i do wonder if it was a man posting the exact same stuff planning to hide 30k from his wife regardless of her spending habits he would be advised to hide it, transfer it , or spend it
i always thought that when your married that money is household money regardless of who /how inherited it or saved it and would be split in some way even if not 50 -50 because of children but still split in someway or another

gizmo111

charlearose wrote: »

actually i was just thinking the same thing, i didn't see that thread you mentioned but i do wonder if it was a man posting the exact same stuff planning to hide 30k from his wife regardless of her spending habits he would be advised to hide it, transfer it , or spend it
i always thought that when your married that money is household money regardless of who /how inherited it or saved it and would be split in some way even if not 50 -50 because of children but still split in someway or another

Well nobody is going to go to jail.
This is a PARENT who is trying to do the best by their child and provide a stable home for them.
Its not a secret stash, its money that they split from the sale of the house and this PARENT has chose to spend it wisely on their childs future - the other PARENT has spent his on running up furthe debt with little to no consideration for the childs stability.

And yes the marital assets will be taken into consideration, but the childs needs will also be put first.

FBaby

Happy birthday OP.

I can totally sympathise with you shared my life with a man who just couldn't sort himself out financially despite all my attempts to help (as in trying to making him see what he was risking to loose).

It is when I made the decision that it was over that I realised how lucky I was that we had never married (we were engaged). I didn't have any savings, but we shared a house and I certainly didn't want to be party to his debts which definitely had nothing to do with joint bills. I was able to by him out and totally severe any financial link.

I feel for you that just because you are married, you are facing a much different picture, but that's why it is so important to think twice before marrying someone financially unstable. Too late for you this time I wish you all the luck that you don't come out of it too badly. As for him finding the note, in many ways it is for the best. What he found out, he would have later on anyway. At least this way it will speed the process with him knowing where you stand now.

zzzLazyDaisy

Actually no-one is telling OP to hide a secret stash. In fact if you have read the thread, she has expressly been advised NOT to try and do that, and that she will have to declare all her savings and assets in the divorce.

What she HAS been advised to do is to ensure that she and her daughter have a home to live in, and possibly to think of investing the money in buying a house to achieve this (come on, be honest, it would be difficult to hide a house - it is still an asset and she will still have to declare it in the divorce).

However, this is a husband who has already had 50% of the net equity of their previous house and squandered it, while she saved her share, and in addition has amassed huge personal debts. In that scenario, it seems sensible to ensure that she and her child are taken care of, and the leave division of assets/debts to the legal process.

teawithmilk

Thank you all..woke early today. DD and husband have only just got up. I cant go in the living room until he gets up as he is currently sleeping on the sofa bed in there so I just pottered about.

Im not going to be stupid or hide anything. I could tell him about the money in the bank, I could go to the bank on tuesday and give him a chunk of cash as his "share" but he would just blow it on rubbish and alcohol.

he is hassling me to go away tonight as he has paid for 2 nights away as a "surprise". DD wants to go. Im not being awful not being excited about it..its typical of him...a grand gesture that involves spending money. He knows I also hate surprises!!

I dont care about birthday presents..the best present for me over the last few weeks would have been for him to respond to the discussions I have been trying to engage him in about planning for the future.

Just so tired!

thanks for all the advice so far xx

zzzLazyDaisy

I am not surprised you are not excited or over the moon about the break away.

Grand one off gestures which involve him spending money he hasn't got, while keeping his head firmly stuck in the sand about his debts and general financial mismanagement, is most unlikely to make you feel happy!

You just have to do the best for yourself and your child, however you see that happening.

Could he go away with your daughter and leave you to have some 'alone time'?

If not, just try and make the best of it, and look to the future.

Dx

LannieDuck

justme111 wrote: »

You do not have to pay estate agents £100 every 6 months to renew the rwnt contract , just ask for it to roll into statutory periodic tenancy.
I can imagine how outraged everybody was if it was a man who tried to protect some secret stash before divorce, in fact we just had a thread on this topic with indignated replies how everything is matrimonial asset and how rightly he would go to jail if he tries to put money in trust for his daughter.

I'd be interested to read that thread, if you happen to have a link handy? (Don't go to effort if you don't.)

I think the issue in this situation is how to stop one person's savings being subsumed into the other person's debts, when both have been very separate about their finances despite being married.

I hope I would have given the same advice regardless of gender.