Savings when seperating- scared I will lose it all

skintandscared_2

teawithmilk wrote: »

I found an old statement of his from CCCS last night (by conincidence) when I was tidying up. It looks like he still had his DMP last year - he owes 47k and is paying 70 pounds per month towards it...I had to laugh because it said his debt free day would be 2043!!!!! he would be 75!!!!

He is just crusing along at the moment because he is getting good wage but not declared this to CCCS so he has no incentive to clear his debts when they are only taking £70 per month from him and the debt is slowly going down as interest has been frozen. Even if I gav him money he wouldnt use it for debts, Ive already cleared his debts for him twice in the past.

I can't believe he's paying so little to CCCS. I'm with them and earn about the same as he does. My initial debt was about £46k too. I pay ALL the household bills, rent, etc, and I still have to pay them £400 a month!!

zzzLazyDaisy

OP, the CCCS statement is very useful because it shows that he has accepted the debts as his, but much more importantly despite having a good income he is not making any real effort to pay them off. It also casts doubt on his honesty since he has not been honest with his creditors about his income. Before you leave, go through it with a fine toothcomb and copy any paperwork that might be useful in showing that these are his debts, and that he has behaved irresponsibly with money. It is also worth getting together evidence that you paid off his debts, if you can (depends how you did this?).

teawithmilk

I paid off the bulk of his debts back in 2005 which was when I sold my house and the majority of the equity I gave to him to pay off his debts. I genuinely can't remember how I did this, wether I paid his Credit card bills off or just gave him a cheque. So much has happened in the last 7 years that I have lost the plot about it a bit- its so complicated!

I will keep the CCCS statement.

I think he is paying such a low amount because he has never had a review with CCCS even though I think they keep reminding him every year. They havent cancelled his DMP and the payment is based on when he was on the dole in 1998 when he took out the DMP. He only did this because I nagged him into it, until he did it to shut me up I think, I couldn't understand why his debts werent keeping him up at night with worry! I told him at the time that it was unsustainable and that i couldnt keep paying the minimums on my cards and his (which is what I was doing!!). So when we got the payout from the house we sold in 2010 I said he had the idea opportunity to go for full and final settlements- sure he owed his mum some money but she didnt need it back desperately- Im sure she would rather her only son got out of debt and then he could have paid her back month by month as quickly as possible. He could have used his share of the equity and not paid his mum back in full and got rid of those debts completely. But as he told me at the time it was "none of my business"

I have phoned the solicitor that my brother used for his divorce- she is supposed to be really good- but she charges £185 per hour plus VAT! a more junior solicitor in her practice charges £160 is that about average- I know my brother would have used a top class and very efficient one as he never spares any expense.

teawithmilk

sorry meant 2008 not 1998!

anyway it just shows how dishonest he is, he lies to everyone about money and doesnt even take his DMP seriously.

zzzLazyDaisy

£185 + vat per hour isn't that high these days, and to be honest, you are often better off with someone who knows what they are doing and does it quickly and efficiently, than someone who has to takes ages to do everything and charges you accordingly.

Also, with the way things are, it will probably be worth investing some of your savings in a good lawyer if it means that she saves your savings from him, and you from his debt.

One thing I would say, though, is if there is any chance that he will try to avoid paying maintenance for your daughter, don't go through the solicitor for but get onto the CSA the minute you move out. Why? Because going through the solicitor takes time and is not backdated, but more importantly, the courts can only make a decision on maintenance if both sides agree - and it is not uncommon for the NRP to take it all the way and then refuse consent at the last minute, which means that money is lost, because CSA cannot backdate beyond the date the claim is made with CSA.

It is worth you going onto the CSA website to check the amount he will be required to pay, and if there are any wages slips of his floating around, it won't be a bad idea to take a copy.

Kayalana99

Have you considered not going through the legal route though? You said before you feel like giving him 15k just to get him off your back but how about offering him say 5k...to sign the bit of paper to finsh the divorce?

Just a thought. He might not want to go through the courts and probally wont have the money to get a solictor himself so he might be up for it...?

By all means get legal advice of 'what will happen' but you'd probally be alot better of sorting it out between yourselfs where neither of you would have to disclose what you have (by sound of it he will be happy with this) and just give him a few thousand to tie him over...? (Probally alot less then you will lose as if you manage to get the 'debt is his debt' sorted in court you will still probally end up giving him a chunk of your savings even if its when your daugther is 18 by selling the house + no solictor fees)

zzzLazyDaisy

Kayalana99 wrote: »

Have you considered not going through the legal route though?

You cannot get a divorce without 'going through the legal route' - divorce is a legal procedure, and the final order must be placed before the court.

Both parties must give full financial disclosure under oath, regardless of whether they use a solicitor, or whether they choose to conduct the divorce proceedings themselves (which frankly is only advisable where there are no children, few assets, and the separation is amicable... none of which apply here).

NAR

Kayalana99 wrote: »

Not been through it so don't know how it works tbh.

This is quite obvious from your posts. I know you are trying to be helpful but you are muddying the waters by giving poor advice.

Kayalana99

NAR wrote: »

This is quite obvious from your posts. I know you are trying to be helpful but you are muddying the waters by giving poor advice.

Pardon the having to disclose the information being wrong as I said I havn't been through it so yes I don't know the procedure, I still think she would be better at least orignally trying to settle it without going through solictors.

He won't be able to afford it anyway so would probally be open to this and since they spilt the house 50/50 to start with and she still has money left over a reasonable person would agree that it was her money to keep...but thats not to say the OP's husband is reasonable at all.

Ok...he might realise he is entitled to alot more and if talks breaks down because he doesn't agree to her terms then shes wasted a little time but potentially could of saved herself alot of money and just follows through with the solicitors if need be:cool:

I just think the OP needs to think about her options before jumping into an expensive solictor first though.

zzzLazyDaisy

Kayalana99 wrote: »

Pardon the having to disclose the information being wrong as I said I havn't been through it so yes I don't know the procedure, I still think she would be better at least orignally trying to settle it without going through solictors..

Okay, I am only going to say this once.

You clearly have no idea whatsoever what you are talking about. On your own admission, you do not understand the legal process, and you have never been through a divorce. You may be well meaning, but where there is a child , savings, and debts involved (and potentially property if OP buys a place for her and the child to live in) it would be extremely risky for OP to try and negotiate this situation without any input or guidance from a solicitor.

There is a legal process to follow and legal forms to complete. There may also be affidavits to draft/swear, and court orders to draw up. OP has a pension, so the Pension Splitting laws on divorce must also be dealt with. If anything is overlooked, that could come back to haunt OP for years to come (since it is OP with the savings and potentially the house, and the OH with the debts, OP is the person with everything to lose). Further if the parties have not taken legal advice the court may refuse to approve the consent order in the ancilliary relief proceedings and send the parties away to seek legal advice.

There is nothing to stop OP coming to an amicable agreement with the ex, which OP can then present to the solicitor, and proceed from there with the solicitor's advice and assistance - but on the basis of what she has said so far, there must be a fair chance that the ex will refuse to co-operate anyway.