Savings when seperating- scared I will lose it all

Kayalana99

I think its a possabilty.

I really think you should seek legal advice as with your unique situation that you sold a house and each had half you *may* be able to fight on that... since you have always done your finance each to your own who knows?

I think this is one of those things that we can give our opinion on but your never going to get a straight answar as untill your laywer is fighting his lawyer we just don't know whats going to happen...

Either way it sounds like your really unhappy, so try not to worry about money to much and just get out of thier when you can...thiers not much you can do about that side of things for the minuite x

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

It sounds like you're telling us this marriage is over.

Pack and go. Leave a note and details of your solicitor for his to contact to arrange suitable access for your daughter.

You know you want to do it; you don't need our permission to do so.

teawithmilk

I know I dont need permission, its just I'm very scared. I've probably been actively thinking about leaving for around 5 years now! But there is always some excuse- a special birthday, or family wedding, a holiday or some other event like Christmas and I think...OOH I dont want to spoil things for everyone I'll just wait until after XXXXXX.

I remember being awake at 3am one night mulling things over and thinking "I don't want to be in this situation when I'm 40" and now Im 43! and nothing much has changed, except that I've been quietly saving and economising and he's been...well doing nothing much really.

Its his attitude to DD that really bugs me. Its like he thinks that because his parents didnt particularly help him out fiancially, that she should not be given anything and we should just not worry about having anything put by for a rainy day. But Im thinking about things that could help her as times are so tough...a few thousand for driving lessons (which could help her get a job) or for rent if she goes to Uni or anything she might need...supplies for college etc. Am I wrong, or are we just completely different people that shouldnt be together. Maybe I am in the wrong for expecting him to change and see my point of view.

I phoned a solicitor this afternoon, I didnt realise that I got 30 mins free advice from my union.

Most of the stuff she told me I knew anyway, as its readily available on the internet (about grounds for divorce etc)

However she ran though some costs for their package- I wouldnt have a clue if these ar good prices or not:

fully managed 475 plus VAT
this doesnt include court fees of 340 and another fee of 45

or they do DIY packages from £99

I cant imagine mine would be a straightforward case esp with DD being involved so I wouldnt fancy a DIY approach.

It all just seems a bit depressing- esp being charged VAT on top!

A financial consultation costs £175 plus VAT, I assume this is just to discuss what happens with finances. I can see my savings fast dissapearing.

LannieDuck

I think a financial consultation sounds like a really good idea. Yes, it'll cost ~£200... but you have £30k in savings, a 50% interest in a house, and ~£40k debt to discuss. It's one of those times when a small outlay upfront might save you a lot in the long run.

Maybe call a couple of other places to see what they charge?

neneromanova

Why not open up a child ISA and put the money in there for your daughter? She won't be able to touch it til she's 18 and he can't touch the money either plus you're saving for her driving lessons/rent/etc. You can save £3720 a year for her.

http://www.moneysavingexpert.com/savings/junior-isa

tayforth

teawithmilk wrote: »

I know I dont need permission, its just I'm very scared. I've probably been actively thinking about leaving for around 5 years now! But there is always some excuse- a special birthday, or family wedding, a holiday or some other event like Christmas and I think...OOH I dont want to spoil things for everyone I'll just wait until after XXXXXX.

I remember being awake at 3am one night mulling things over and thinking "I don't want to be in this situation when I'm 40" and now Im 43! and nothing much has changed, except that I've been quietly saving and economising and he's been...well doing nothing much really.

Its his attitude to DD that really bugs me. Its like he thinks that because his parents didnt particularly help him out fiancially, that she should not be given anything and we should just not worry about having anything put by for a rainy day. But Im thinking about things that could help her as times are so tough...a few thousand for driving lessons (which could help her get a job) or for rent if she goes to Uni or anything she might need...supplies for college etc. Am I wrong, or are we just completely different people that shouldnt be together. Maybe I am in the wrong for expecting him to change and see my point of view.

I phoned a solicitor this afternoon, I didnt realise that I got 30 mins free advice from my union.

Most of the stuff she told me I knew anyway, as its readily available on the internet (about grounds for divorce etc)

However she ran though some costs for their package- I wouldnt have a clue if these ar good prices or not:

fully managed 475 plus VAT
this doesnt include court fees of 340 and another fee of 45

or they do DIY packages from £99

I cant imagine mine would be a straightforward case esp with DD being involved so I wouldnt fancy a DIY approach.

It all just seems a bit depressing- esp being charged VAT on top!

A financial consultation costs £175 plus VAT, I assume this is just to discuss what happens with finances. I can see my savings fast dissapearing.

((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))

I was like you. It's hard to break up your marriage, especially as you have a daughter. But it's your life, and it sounds as if you very much want him out of it. I hope that you manage to get what you want.

No idea about divorce options I'm afraid (although I'll have to start looking at that myself). But don't let anyone rush you into anything.

As for the savings question, this is very relevant to me, as I have more savings than my ex, and will be damned if he's getting a penny of my money.

I wish you all the best, do keep us posted xxx

teawithmilk

I'm having a financial consultation tomorrow- its costing me around £200 inc VAT.

Hope they will be able to tell me what I'm likely to lose in all this- I'd forgotten I have a much better pension than him (I have been working 21 yrs while he bummed around being supoported by me or on the dole until he was in his late 20's)

Why didnt I see this coming years ago??? I spent years thinking one day he might wake up and start behaving like a proper grown up- especially when DD was born!

I was thinking over lunch that I might be looking at this all the wrong way round.

At the moment he has it easy. I manage the house, do majority of cleaning, I manage the tenancy and all bills, I drive the car, I take DD to school and do most of the day to day care of her including homework..all he does is cooking (which I hate- I cant even do toast without buring it) but I do all the clearing up afterwards.

He might be sleeping downstairs at the moment but on the whole he has an easy life- he can do what he wants.

Maybe I should turn the tables and make him do all the work..instead of trying to get him to move out and worrying about what he might take from me if we seperate- i.e. ME move out and let him do the chasing over finances..the only problem with this is that I am still going to be in limbo as he might not get round to doing anything formal or consulting a solicitor himself for ages?

I do still care about him as a person and as my daughters Daddy and feel disloyal and awful. but I cannot live like this anymore. Its like having a noisy messy grumpy lodger, not a husband. And I feel so alone- and sad- because the one person that i should be able to turn to for support is the person who I am now considering divorcing!

iamashoppingaddict

I'm really sorry that you feel so alone. Its a horrible feeling. But keep posting here because you will get alot of support.

Good luck tomorrow with your meeting, let us know how you get on.

LannieDuck

Good luck. Hopefully everything will be a lot clearer tomorrow.

gizmo111

How old is your daughter?