Savings when seperating- scared I will lose it all

Bufger

Buy a few gold bars, stash them in a safety deposit box in your daughters name for a year. Seperate - get devorced in a years time and sell a couple of gold bars.

teawithmilk

I've done something reckless...I have taken the house on a 6 month lease ...it will eat into some of my savings but I am going to have a breakdown if I continue on like I am. Sod it if he is going to get half my money anyway....it wont matter if I "waste" some of it on a bolthole for myself. Just means I will be paying double rent for a few months until the lease on my/our current place is up.

Its unfurnished, and I haven't told my husband yet. Im scared.

I have this totally irrational yearning to buy a house and put down roots. Due to my job and other factors I have moved houses umpteeen times in the last 15 years. Im so fed up of moving house, you would think I would be used to it by now and have cut down on clutter but every time is equally as stressful. I still have stuff in storage from the LAST move we did as I havent had the time or energy to sort it out. Its just so depressing.

This desire to buy a house is just eating me up inside. I feel in a total panic. I've just turned 43 and Im worried that I wont get a mortgage if I get any older. I know some people would consider this to be stupid, and have no problem renting long term but Im sick of house inspections, having to renew leases every 6 months, not being able to decorate, having to go cap in hand to landlord for repairs etc.

I have the money in the bank for a depost on a small 2 bed house- there are some nice ones around in the area where I want to be. But if prices go up in the next 12 months (which they seem to be doing here as its a very desirable area) I might be priced out in 12 months, or I might get refused a mortgage due to my age. There are some cracking mortgage deals around at the moment. If you leave aside the fact that my marriage is collapsing then it would be the ideal time to buy!

I can't stop looking on the internet at houses to buy- its like a compulsion. I got upset (very irrationally) last week as a beautiful house just round the corner that had been on sale for a month or two had a SOLD sign go up. I dont know why that particularly got to me emotionally, but I'd looked at it quite a lot on the internet and it wouldve been my perfect house- right price, right location, just perfect...

If I insisited to husband that I wanted to buy a house and told him that I had the means (ie a deposit) to do so he would go along with it...but HE would be the one wanting to choose the house and he would probably take over and insist we got a "project" house, one that was his choice, and then we would be back at the situation we were in 5 yrs ago.

The sad fact is Im not getting any younger, I have this rented house for 6 months while I get my thoughts clear on what I'm doing with my life. I dont think husband will ever change...I've been with him 20 yrs and his lack of responsibility and "dont care" attitude was funny and interesting and quirky when I was in my 20's but now I can't stand it. He just can't even be bothered disussing anything to do with daughters future or saving or planning, he doesnt know I have this deposit money but when I asked him the other day about us having a plan to save for a deposit he just looked at me like I was a piece of dirt and said he wasnt interested in doing anything jointly and he would rather do his own thing with his own money. I dont want to be married to a boring man who counts every half penny but I dont want someone who wont pay off his debts or is secretive about his finances. That is ironic because I'm being secretive about mine, so maybe I'm hypocritical, but thats to protect what I've got, and worked hard to save for me and more importantly DD's future as he clearly wont..

So would I be absolutely mad to consider to buy a house, secretly, within the next 6 months, with a view to living in it once I'd sorted myself out, an ideal house for me and DD, or could he force me to sell it if we got divorced. Would it even be possible?

Treevo

How much money are we talking here? I think you really need to see a solicitor for advice.

For what it's worth - in your position I'd move into the rented house with your daughter, give formal notice on your current rented property and inform your OH that you're separating. Then I'd take my time with the divorce and buy a lovely little house for you and your daughter. It'd be easier for him to get his hands in your cash, but less so for him to get any part of your new house. Get a clean break order forthwith though as soon as you've seen a solicitor.

msb5262

Has it occurred to you that if you spend a big chunk of your savings on renting a house, you will find it much harder to get a mortgage as you'll be short when it comes to finding a deposit? I understand your wish to separate but if you are so desperate to buy a house, this move could put you back a long time...

Kayalana99

Im suprized this hasn't come up yet I dont want to depress you OP but with marriage usally when a divorce comes you spilt everying 50/50...including debt...

If your partner is so £££ and wanting to do everything himself *if* you got a divorce perhaps he wouldn't want to go through laywers etc...? Maybe you'd get away with hiding it because he wouldn't even think you had that much to divide?

Just a thought. Not been through it so don't know how it works tbh.

LannieDuck

Financially, it makes sense to split from your husband, but marriages aren't about finances alone - only you know what the rest of your marriage is like.

Assuming you do decide to split, then I agree you should get those savings invested in something that can't just be sold off to service his debt. If you buy a house, I presume it will be included in the divorce split and you probably won't get much equity from the current house as a result. Would that be worth it for you?

In your position, I think I would want to consult a financial advisor. Maybe there's someway to put most of your savings into trust for your daughter (the IFA could advise whether those would be affected by divorce)... although then you couldn't use them for a deposit on a house.

All in all, I would go for the house deposit. It would have to be included in the divorce, but you'd have a strong base to work from to build a future for you and your daughter.

Edit: good point from PP, that you may find you inherit some of his debt Although, better now than in 2 or 3 years time when he's had a chance to run up a further £10k?

balletshoes

I think you need to take this in steps.

Separate from your OH if thats what you want to do, and move into the rented house with your daughter.

If divorce is the way you are going, go see a solicitor about the implications of your existing savings/having a mortgage when you divorce etc etc etc.

Gloomendoom

Kayalana99 wrote: »

Im suprized this hasn't come up yet I dont want to depress you OP but with marriage usally when a divorce comes you spilt everying 50/50...including debt...

If your partner is so £££ and wanting to do everything himself *if* you got a divorce perhaps he wouldn't want to go through laywers etc...? Maybe you'd get away with hiding it because he wouldn't even think you had that much to divide?

Just a thought. Not been through it so don't know how it works tbh.

Hiding assets really isn't a good idea. If it ever came to light, the couple’s marital settlement could be set aside and the OP could be prosecuted for perjury.

Kayalana99

It wouldn't be hiding them so to speak how I was saying it just that if they didn't get laywers invovled they agreed to divorce and just spilt up between them, since he has always said whats hers is hers and whats his is his and they have no joint assets except probally a few minor stuff it could all be done without either side having to say what they have...assuming he kept that attuitude in a divorce!

Although as I said I havn't been through this so I don't know it could work that way.

teawithmilk

Does debt get shared even if it is just in his name?? I know that sounds cruel and selfish but I have a reason why I dont think I should be liable for his debts.

I already clered his debts once- in 2005 when I sold my very first house that I had bought at 25 it had around 40k equity in it. I had converted it to a BTL mortgage, not because I wanted to be alandlord but becuase it wouldnt sell as it was in a depressed ex mining village just outside Barnsley..I had done that because I wanted to get a "normal" mortgage and buy a house nearer where I worked. So when it sold in 2005 I got the equity and paid off all his debts for him. He was in a good job at the time and the plan was that we would relocate (we wanted to move back to a lovely area nearer his family) and HE would get the mortgage this time...hence having to pay his debts off to get a good credit record etc etc....This is why we have always kept our finances seperate because we always had individual mortgages. Anyhoo plans changed and we bought a "project house" ...and got the mortgage in ly name not his as he couldnt get a job in our new area but I could......eventually when we did sell it we did make some good money on it and I used my "share" to clear all my debts, plus have a little left. He used his "share" to pay his mum back and he was left with about 20k. He had already entered into a DMP with CCCS about a year earlier....but he has never discussed the extent of his debts with me but when he went into the DMP I think they were around 40k...I tried to persuade him to go for full and final settlements by using "his" 15k and perhaps asking his mum to delay getting the full amount he owed her (she wasnt desperate for the money back as she is very comfortable financially)

He refused and more or less told me to mind my own business...I dont even know if CCCS are still supporting his DMP or if he has defaulted on that. The debts are all in his name and AFAIK he hasnt run up any more debts since 2007 because he hasnt been able to.

Would that make a differece?? would I be liable for his debts?? they are mainly credit card debts.