Savings when seperating- scared I will lose it all

paulineb_2

And the fact that hes getting the best of everything at no cost to him whatsoever is exactly the reason that you should be contacting the CSA.

If I remember rightly hes not great with cash, I would bet its his budget issues that wont see much left over, not his living expenses.

19lottie82

OP, I understand that you don't want to rile him, but surely what's best for your daughter should come before that? You won't be doing anything wrong or abnormal if you go through the CSA.

He doesn't earn a bad wage, just because he can't handle it, that's not your (or your DD's fault).

Errata

I think you're looking through the wrong end of the telescope. You may not WANT his crappy money, but his daughter NEEDS it. Don't cut off her nose just to spite his face.

teawithmilk

Wont the CSA ask why we didnt agree finances and child support before we split up and divorced? Simple answer to that would be that he wouldnt speak to me or get a solicitor!

Wont it open a can of worms if they/he realise that I walked away with my savings which I used to secure a house for me and DD?

The last thing I want now is for us to get turfed out of this house and have to sell it- that was the whole point of buying, to provide a stable place for DD so she wouldnt have to move house yet again for a good number of years- hopefully until she actually WANTS to leave e.g. Uni!

Mojisola

teawithmilk wrote: »

In millions of ways I dont want his crappy money.

If I have to get him to contribute to DD by force (ie by CSA) he will see it as me "getting at him" and being nasty to him.

The money isn't for you - if you don't go to the CSA what will you say to your daughter in the future if she asks "Why did we struggle for money when you could have got Dad to pay his share?"

stripey1969

To be honest, it doesn't sound as though he's ever going to forgive you for seeing the light and leaving him, so you may as well compound it by going to the CSA. Even if you just put every penny into a savings account for DD when she's older.

Once again you've made me wonder how on earth you managed to put up with him for so long. Are you sure you missed HIM on holiday, and not just having a partner? They're two very different things. One day, when you're ready, you'll meet someone else who will respect you and shower you with love and affection, and you'll realise "THIS is a partnership. THIS is what my life should have been like for the past x number of years." Trust me, been there done that. I'm looking forward to it happening for you too! x

elsien

teawithmilk wrote: »

Thanks. In millions of ways I dont want his crappy money. If I have to get him to contribute to DD by force (ie by CSA) he will see it as me "getting at him" and being nasty to him.

Does it actually matter any more how he sees it? He can think what he likes, but the reality is that he has a responsibility to his daughter. Not to you, to her. And if he wants to throw his toys out of the pram about it, then let him.

girlatplay

Why don't you pop onto the CSA website: >HERE< (sorry, I was going to link the actual website but I don't know exactly where you are in the country. You can get to it through this though).

Have a read through the form to fill in and see the types of questions it asks you. I don't remember having to do any more than that.

Caroline_a

I don't think the CSA will care what has happened previously, they are only interested as far as I am aware in what your ex earns. They will then calculate an amount based on that - details here.

You have to remember it's for her... and if he doesn't like it, that's tough! You will be doing her a disservice if you get on a high horse and refuse to claim it.

Shelldean

Been reading and I just want to say don't believe him about the savings. I did with my ex only for it all to be thrown in my face when she was 18.

Yes my circumstances were different, but the same situation no csa perused but savings promised.
We (New partner and I) decided not to bother with csa as new partner was happy to support DD and also the same as you didn't wanna cause more arguments with ex. I didn't pursue it as ex promised he was saving for DD. I thought this was great as it would give her a head start in life at 18, and I couldn't save as I was supporting her plus 3 brothers.

So when she was 18 and ready for uni (so bit of cash would be very handy) the saving book was handed to her. It contained the grand sum of £157. So not even a tenner per yr of her life. I could've kicked myself for believing him. Esp as I'd caught him out in lies before.

But the bonus was it opened DD eyes to the 'real' person her father was.

However if I could have my time again it would be csa all the way.