Savings when seperating- scared I will lose it all

teawithmilk

Letting agency have just got back to say that Landlord has agreed to his name going on the lease. Ive had to transfer the bond (thats fine by me!) so he is all sorted now. Ive had to do quite a bit of groveling to the letting agency via e mail to explain what is going on and they kindly arent charing me the full fee for the change of tenancy. I doubt I will be able to get this back from Ex. He hasnt paid me enough to cover the bills on his house (he has "underpaid" me about £50) this month so I just cant afford to keep subsidising him anymore on a monthly basis especially as he isnt giving me anything towards DD.

Thats such a relief. But still have to arrange to get my name off all the bills. Then he really will have to stand on his own 2 feet.

Im just worried that something will go wrong at the last minute so fingers crossed!!!

And I still cant help being a little bit bitter/annoyed that I have bent over backwards to smooth the way for him to avoid hm having to move house and not got one bit of thanks or appreciation or even communication from him! He has just had everything done for him...as usual.....I know he hates me and cant stand the sight of me. It just makes me so sad.

paulineb_2

teawithmilk wrote: »

Letting agency have just got back to say that Landlord has agreed to his name going on the lease. Ive had to transfer the bond (thats fine by me!) so he is all sorted now. Ive had to do quite a bit of groveling to the letting agency via e mail to explain what is going on and they kindly arent charing me the full fee for the change of tenancy. I doubt I will be able to get this back from Ex. He hasnt paid me enough to cover the bills on his house (he has "underpaid" me about £50) this month so I just cant afford to keep subsidising him anymore on a monthly basis especially as he isnt giving me anything towards DD.

Thats such a relief. But still have to arrange to get my name off all the bills. Then he really will have to stand on his own 2 feet.

Im just worried that something will go wrong at the last minute so fingers crossed!!!

And I still cant help being a little bit bitter/annoyed that I have bent over backwards to smooth the way for him to avoid hm having to move house and not got one bit of thanks or appreciation or even communication from him! He has just had everything done for him...as usual.....I know he hates me and cant stand the sight of me. It just makes me so sad.

Getting your name off the bills shouldnt be too hard. You wont get appreciation from him, you know what hes like, now hes going to have to stand on his own two feet.

My advice would be, dont bail him out, ever. And get in touch with the CSA re maintenance as soon as possible. If hes unwilling to give you anything without having to involve them, thats what you need to be thinking about.

He cant take responsibility for himself/his actions. Thats not your fault.

tattycath

At least if the lease is transferring over to him you won't be responsible for him any more Hun.
Just make sure you get the bills transferred over to him so you're not responsible for them either.

DigForVictory

You are doing So Well! Don't let him get you down - you left for good reasons & your DD's wellbeing is first amongst them.

It isn't sneaky to defend your child. Sometimes, it's needful.

Most suppliers are quite tranquil about changes of name - if you can chuck in meter reads better still, if not, estimates will have to do. (He changed the locks, yes? Ah well estimates, & His Problem, then.)

Hang in there!

egoode

teawithmilk wrote: »

I am starting to feel guilty now- is that normal?? I was just reflecting on all that has happened as it is almost a year since I started to plan moving out. He has said in the past that I am sneaky and that my sneakiness will eventually catch up with me. this is haunting me a bit now...have I really been sneaky?

I think you really needed to be sneaky to protect yourself however he was always sneaky with never talking to you about his finances so he really can't complain about you acting the same way. You tried so many times to talk to him so it's not like you didn't try your best.

teawithmilk wrote: »

Its frightening being on my own sometimes when I have big decisions to make or if I worry about something going wrong with the house, like fuses blowing.

Definitely get your electrics updated to have the switches as it's so much better and safer. I remember though I once had the situation where the fuse blew for the electricity coming into my flat so I think it was the National Grid that needed to be involved in getting that replaced. However that is a pretty rare situation but it was partially because the wiring in the flat was pretty dodgy and needed updating. Luckily I was only renting and it happened the night before I was going on holidays for 2 weeks so it was the landlord that needed to sort it out and it was all fixed by the time I got home

Glad to hear the lease has been sorted with your ex and if you call up the utilities they will be able to sort something out. It would be better if you have the latest meter readings but if not then I'm sure they could work out an estimate.

LannieDuck

Great news about the flat. What a relief! It's worth the bond money to get it sorted

Next step, get your name off the bills. Then go to the CSA (although possibly wait until your lease has technically expired and switched into his name so there's no way he can cause any last minute problems in retaliation).

Well done

When_the_going_gets_tough

Brilliant news TWm, it really is all beginning to go right for you. I think I agree with others who say sort out the utilities and then issue a claim with the CSA. Underneath your ex will know that he has been unreasonable with you but it is so much easier to blame you rather than face up to his own short comings. You really do have a good future ahead of you. A glass of wine tonight?!

carefullycautious

get round there when he is out and take meter readings, this is the only way you will get your name off the bills. Don't forget your council tax, telephone, sky etc anything attached to that address get rid.

I cannot believe that you were married to a man who has all his bills sent to his mothers. Who refused to register that he was living with you with the council what kind of relationship was it :eek:
and he has the cheek to say you are sneaky. Geez what a waster.

girlatplay

teawithmilk wrote: »

...And I still cant help being a little bit bitter/annoyed that I have bent over backwards to smooth the way for him to avoid hm having to move house and not got one bit of thanks or appreciation or even communication from him! He has just had everything done for him...as usual.....I know he hates me and cant stand the sight of me. It just makes me so sad.

Let it go. Don't waste any more of your energy on him. Be happy that you have your beautiful DD and if you do have to have feelings about him, feel pity.

I also agree with paulineb, don't bail him out, EVER. EVER. EVER!! No matter what he says, no matter how he tries to sweet talk/guilt trip/blackmail you. Just don't do it.

((((hugs))))

NAR

TWM (re lease on rental) another step forward and an amicable (or as much as can be) result.

Next step is to sever all finances with him - utility bills are obvious. Sit down and think are there any other financial ties that need severed - any insurances for instance?

Last week of March put in your CSA claim. I will make a prediction now. I bet your ex tells them about your £30k in a bid to avoid paying CSA, saying you took it from family savings. He will get such a gunk to find it has gone into your new home and he will have to pay whatever the calculation is.

I think most regret when marriages come to an end but you know you gave your ex several chances to "mend his ways" which had no effect. So have little remorse and continue on with your daughter building up your new life.