Savings when seperating- scared I will lose it all

PlymouthMaid

Keep on trucking Tea, nearly there x

lisssa

Hi
I've been following your thread for the last few months but have never commented until now, as never felt I could add anything to all the great advice you have been given. However some of your posts today re wishing for your families support really struck a chord with me and I just wanted to add my support as I can really relate to how you are feeling.
I split up with my ex husband when our daughter was 5, and for the first 18 mths it was a challenging time. I was desperate for my families support but even though I was always there to help them out (and still am) they just either didn't want to get involved or my mum would manage to make it more of a drama than it ever needed to be. Anyway, In the end I learnt they would never give me the help / support I needed and instead I found that from my friends , and even now as much as I love my family, I'm a pretty closed book with them, and will always look to my friends for the support / advice I need. Am I envious of some of my friends and the relationships they have with their families - yep sure am, but have over time learnt to accept I just can't change it and they are who they are.
You have alot of 'virtual' friends on here who are all rooting for you and willing to support you, so hold onto that , and grab it with both hands.
Personally, I think you have handled everything fantastically, and don't under estimate how far you have come in a relatively short space of time - in less than a year you have left your husband, moved twice, including buying a house and got divorced - that is a huge amount of stress for anyone to go through and you are almost at a stage where all the 'big stuff' is sorted and you can start to relax and begin to enjoy your new life.
So please please stick with it, once he is out of the rented house, it will be sooo much easier. Just take it a day at a time and be kind to you !!
I don't think I really started to 'enjoy' life or feel properly in control of my future for probably 2 years after my break up, so you are doing fantastically. - even it at times you feel drained by all this hassle, but there is light at the end of the tunnel - honest !!
Sorry I can't give you anymore practical advice - don't think I can add any value to all what's been said , but just wanted you to know there are undoubtably more of us out there that have been 'silently' willing you on and admiring how you have handled your challenging situation,
X

teawithmilk

Thank you all, Im feeling a bit better physically today because I got a resonable nights sleep last night (first proper sleep in days)

I didnt mean what I said about getting him beaten up, that was just exhaustion speaking! although I would be grateful for someone to just BE there if I ever had to go around and have an awkward discussion with him. He does scare me sometimes when he is in a bad mood.

My sister has a hectic life and so does my big brother. But I have been there for them whenever they have been going though bad patches, my sister especially. She was having problems with her daughter last year (her daughter was refusing to go t school and having panic attacks) and I would phone her every night for a quick chat, to offer help and to see how she was and to let her talk and let off steam.

Anyway no point feeling sorry for myself. I did get a text message froim him finally last night. He said he hadnt sent the application form back yet and said "what am I supposed to say when they ask where I have been living" I texted him back that he should put his mums address or even just speak to the agency for advice!

I know he has had several letters over the years about a review of his DMP as I have seen them lying around the house. But to my knowledge he hasnt ever spoken to CCCS since the plan was set up and they just continue to take a minimal amount from his account. The CCCS stuff goes to his mums so I think thats where his creditors think he is.

BitterAndTwisted

Have you asked the agency to issue you with a Section 21 Notice yet? If your ex doesn't move out in March your tenancy will continue and so will your liability for the full rent. Unless you really do go through with the plan of getting his stuff packed up, removed and the locks changed.

neneromanova

Have you started claiming CSA from him yet TWM?

stripey1969

You know, in some ways you're doing him a favour by making him stand on his own two feet. Unless you're planning on sorting things out for him for the rest of his life, he's going to have to learn how to handle all this stuff. Having to cope with being on your own by learning independence can be the making of some people! x

teawithmilk

I wasnt really wanting to alert the letting agency JUST yet in case it scuppered his application for the lease. I think he is finally making some progress with the form as he asked me today (by e mail) if I would drop it off for him! He is such a wuss. He was even asking for my help with what to put on the application form but I dont mind helping him (not that I ever get a thank you!) if it makes progress with his housing situation and gets me out of this mess with the lease.

No I'm not getting a penny from him towards DD at all. Realistically I can bring DD up on my own, I earn an average wage but money will be tight for the two of us; no luxuries or foreign holidays! I walked away with my savings (for the moment) and bought the house. The risk is that he could make a claim on this in the future (he doesnt know that I have a mortgage on the house i'm living in!) but I'm trying not to add that to my list of worries for the moment. He doesnt even know my current address and has never asked for it!!

I suppose if I had manage to actually get him to communicate with me we might have agreed some sort of settlement which included child support but for the moment I am in limbo...but I am hoping to get the house situation sorted before I broach the subject of child support. Even buying her school uniform, shoes and school dinners (she has grown since Christmas and needs virtually a whol set of new uniform!) is expensive and he has never offered a penny towards this. .I even mentioned to him that she needed new school shoes because she needs them urgently this weekend (he has her this saturday so would have to take her into town to get them), the sole has fallen off one of her current ones, I tried to glue it back on unsucessfully last night , and he was moaning today via e mail that she shouldnt have worn them out so quickly (in 4 months) For gods sake, they were only cheap shoes and she is a growing girl!

I would love a newer car...mine is 8 yrs old and is a big heavy diesel thats done a high mileage. Its due its MOT and I'm dreading if anything needs done. I saw a lovely one in the garage up the road from me, a small zippy one that would be cheap to run, that would suit DD and I, but the repayment would be about £150 per month. I could just about afford this, the insurance is cheaper than on my current car and it also has free servicing for 2 years. It would take the worry of car mainteance away for a few years....but it would mean no spare cash at all for anything. Or I could just plod on, hope mine passes its MOT without major work needing done.

Im just so risk averse nowadays and so paranoid about making any decisions in case I do something wrong.

LannieDuck

I think you're right to get the lease sorted out first. Get that done, get a CSA case submitted and your finances should be more robust.

When_the_going_gets_tough

TWM I think you are wise to defer the question of child maintenance until the house situation is sorted. There is more to lose if that goes pear shaped than worrying about maintenance ( which by the sounds of it you will have to fight him for) for the next few weeks. It is only natural to worry, you have made so many good but big decisions recently, but I think you should be very proud of yourself!

tattycath

Hi TWM. How are you doing? Hugs.