Savings when seperating- scared I will lose it all

teawithmilk

It might not be good news...if he doesnt put any effort into trying to work with the letting agency on his application...he has basically been a "non" person for the past number of years. He thought he was really clever being off the radar of his creditors as he is not registered anywhere- not on electoral register, all his banking goes to his mums etc. I tried to persuade him to wise up and face up to his responsibilities and this is what caused so many arguments, But it means he has no record of previous addresses and I can hardly say he has been living with me, as that shows that I have been misleading the letting agency.

It also means that he has no references from previous landlords (one of the things they have asked for) and there is also a box to tick on the application about credit history. I have seen the application form as they have e mailed it to me too. I was as honest as I could be with the agency and told them that I wouldnt be living there anymore.

So unless he is a bit more proactive and gets the damn form filled in and submitted pronto they will get impatient.

I feel I have done as much as I can for him-I was the one who contacted the agency, I was the one who spoke to the lady on the phone and explained what was going on, etc. Yet again I am sorting out things that he shouldnt. Im also feeling a bit sorry for myself as my family are just being really distant. My mum has dementia and is in a care home so I spend a lot of time looking after her needs and Dad died 10 years ago and I feel so lonely like I have no one to look out for me - Im not a child anymore Im a grown woman so its ridiculous that I should want my mummy and daddy like a spolit ten year old!! But I just wish I had someone to give me a cuddle and tell me everything would be OK in the end just like they did when I was DDs age!

I asked my older brother about his opinion on what to do (as he is the closest thing to a dad that I have left) and he unhelpfully said the exact opposite of what I thought he would say, and he said that I should put DD first and to help my ex with the lease on the house just to keep the peace.

Then my brother went abroad and isnt answering my e-mails or voicemails. I know he is around, but busy, as I see pics of him out for meals, partying and enjoying himself on facebook, so again I feel a bit let down. That is totally sefish of me but I just feel I really need my family at this time and they cant be ar*ed even with a five minute phone call!

Im just trying to put a brave face on, get on with work and keeping DD happy and telling myself if I come out of this OK I will be a stronger person for it.

egoode

TWM I first read your diary at the end of last year and you have been doing amazing given everything that has been happening in your life.

As for your ex, if he will let you assist him I would try and do everything you can to try and help him get the lease transferred into his name. Whether that is offering to look for bank statements at his Mum's place, filling in the application form or driving him to the estate agents, etc. While not ideal it will at least mean you have managed to get out of being the named person on the lease and at the moment that is the priority. However I know he's not very reasonable so I'm not sure if he will let you help him out at all.

Have the estate agents said what will happen if he doesn't move out by the end of the tenancy?

teawithmilk

The letting agents havent said what will happen, I have until mid March to plan for that. If it all goes pear shaped I will make sure he is out even if it means going in while he is out, changing the locks getting a removal company organised and putting all his stuff into storage while he is at work. Im really starting to dislike him now. Fine, his male pride has been hurt that I walked out but it was my last resort...not like I hadnt tried talking to him and having an open discussion...I hadnt had an affair, hadnt done anything wrong, apart from ask him to become a bit more responsible and start to be more open and sharing about money matters. And plan for DDs future.

I suppose I was secretly hoping my big brother would step in like my knight in shining armour, and go get some of his mates/staff to help me boot my ex out. But thats not sensible really.

I guess im just feeling sorry for myself and expecting too much of my family as they are busy people too.

Being on your own sucks sometimes!

When_the_going_gets_tough

You have done so well, please keep your nerve and sort this final piece of the jigsaw out. I am so sorry you do not have family to lean on and give you a hug - we all need that support sometimes. There are no aunts, uncles, cousins to give you a bit of moral support, good friends?? Keep posting here - lots of people are rooting for you we don't just need to hear good news.

Errata

He thought he was really clever being off the radar of his creditors as he is not registered anywhere- not on electoral register, all his banking goes to his mums etc.

You've previously said he's been on a DMP for years, he hasn't been 'off the radar' if he's been paying his creditors.

egoode

teawithmilk wrote: »

If it all goes pear shaped I will make sure he is out even if it means going in while he is out, changing the locks getting a removal company organised and putting all his stuff into storage while he is at work.

I was actually going to suggest you look into this on my last post but ended up leaving it out so I'm glad you have already been thinking of doing that, if this does happen make sure he's aware exactly when the storage contract ends and what will happen if he hasn't sorted out moving his items by the end date. Or even better see if there's a way to make him pay for the storage costs from day one!

Just remember there is an end date in sight now, by mid March his housing issues will be completely his problem and I would only talk with him after this if it is something directly related to your DD.

NAR

teawithmilk wrote: »

The letting agents havent said what will happen, I have until mid March to plan for that. If it all goes pear shaped I will make sure he is out even if it means going in while he is out, changing the locks getting a removal company organised and putting all his stuff into storage while he is at work. Im really starting to dislike him now.

TWM you have done your best over the years. HE chose to ignore your advice. HE chose to ruin his credit history. HE chose, through his actions, to alienate you to the extent you divorced him. So yes take the action you propose (in red) if he doesn't wise up. And put a time limit on how long you are prepared to pay the storage charges.

Fine, his male pride has been hurt that I walked out but it was my last resort...not like I hadnt tried talking to him and having an open discussion...I hadnt had an affair, hadnt done anything wrong, apart from ask him to become a bit more responsible and start to be more open and sharing about money matters. And plan for DDs future.

TWM let's not look backwards. He caused his own downfall by refusing to change.

I suppose I was secretly hoping my big brother would step in like my knight in shining armour, and go get some of his mates/staff to help me boot my ex out. But thats not sensible really.

Maybe not, but he certainly could have been more supportive IMHO. :mad:

Being on your own sucks sometimes!

You're entitled to feel down in the dumps. Give yourself and DD a wee treat and cheer yourself up. You are getting ever closer to the winning line. :beer:

RAS

teawithmilk wrote: »

Fine, his male pride has been hurt that I walked out but it was my last resort...not like I hadnt tried talking to him and having an open discussion...I hadnt had an affair, hadnt done anything wrong, apart from ask him to become a bit more responsible and start to be more open and sharing about money matters. And plan for DDs future.

I suppose I was secretly hoping my big brother would step in like my knight in shining armour, and go get some of his mates/staff to help me boot my ex out. But thats not sensible really.

I guess im just feeling sorry for myself and expecting too much of my family as they are busy people too.

Being on your own sucks sometimes!

twm

You have spent years, decades, being told what to do by this man, even though you were the person who ACTUALLY got their butt together and did all the stuff.

So suddenly having to make the decisions will be hard; particularly with him sniping at you at all opportunities.

Yes being solo is hard; you have to do all the stuff that couples do and you have half the hours and the energy of two people. But for the most part, you have been doing that for years.

Take it easy on yourself.

There would be no harm to yourself in letting the Ea know that ex lived with you over the years but was not on the rental agreements. It is NOT illegal to have someone else living there.

With respect to the credit record, yes he has been a pillock trying to hide. Even more so because all those defaults fell off his credit record after 6 years and so he probably has a shiny clean credit record even if on a DMP.

Stop trying to negoitiate with the EA on his behalf. Suggest they text him as he seems to respond to that. And that they leave you out of it otherwise.

thorsoak

TWM - I have a new mantra for you HIS PROBLEMS ARE NOT MY PROBLEMS! Repeat this every time you think "oh but ......"

You say his bank account is tied to his mother's address - unless he is more proactive then he'll be there too!

Don't do anything else at the moment, but make plans as you've contemplated: make enquiries about removal costs to remove all his stuff to storage (do you remember his bank details?) then set it up to be billed there, enquire about costs/availability of a locksmith - and leave it alone until the date by which he should have vacated/rearranged the lease in his name. Make sure that the letting agents know that all further rental will be his responsibilit and that you are financially separate from him from now on.

You are oh so near the end now ...hang on in there! x

MrsAtobe

No advice for you, but did want to give you a great big virtual (((hug))), twm, you seem to be in the final furlong, so keep going! Isn't there a saying about it always being darkest before the dawn?