Savings when seperating- scared I will lose it all

teawithmilk

I havent heard anything from the letting agency (or him) so im keeping quiet and hoping that "no news is good news" on the tenancy situation.

DD has been off school with a bad cold so I'm just snowed under with work.

I am starting to feel guilty now- is that normal?? I was just reflecting on all that has happened as it is almost a year since I started to plan moving out. He has said in the past that I am sneaky and that my sneakiness will eventually catch up with me. this is haunting me a bit now...have I really been sneaky? I know in the end that I didnt discuss anything with him but I feel iI did it for the right reasons. Im still really worried that we never got the financial side of things sorted out but he would have never discussed it properly with me. But I do feel Like i have hidden a lot of stuff and I wish I could have been more open with him if he had even bothered to speak to me.

Its just such a mixed bag of emotions- sometimes I do miss him and very occasionally I do wonder if I have done the right thing. But on the whole I do feel like I have control of my life again. Its frightening being on my own sometimes when I have big decisions to make or if I worry about something going wrong with the house, like fuses blowing.

paulineb_2

You did what you had to do to end the relationship. I have to say speaking as someone who has been living on my own a long time, I can't recall a fuse ever blowing. It's natural to miss someone even if the relationship wasn't great. But on the house issue, I'd be trying to get that clarified so there are no surprises.

Gigervamp

I think I'd contact the letting agents just to check the state of play.

With regards to things like fuses blowing, get yourself a basic DIY manual. Amazon have a few different ones.
Do you have a tool kit? A screwdriver set, basic drill, tape measure, a pack of mixed sized Rawlplugs and a tube of filler will get you started.
If a fuse blows in your fusebox, it's usually just a case of popping it back in.

In my last relationships, the men left all the diy to me. Luckily, my dad was a wizz at diy, so I learnt from him. Once you know what you're doing, it's really not difficult and it's a very handy skill to have.

Mojisola

teawithmilk wrote: »

I am starting to feel guilty now- is that normal??

He has said in the past that I am sneaky and that my sneakiness will eventually catch up with me.

Im still really worried that we never got the financial side of things sorted out but he would have never discussed it properly with me.

Yes, it's normal to feel guilty when the person you lived with always made you feel like the one in wrong. As time passes, you'll get a better perspective on the relationship.

If he had been willing to discuss the problems with the relationship, you wouldn't have needed to be "sneaky". Arranging things as you did was the only way to get out of the relationship.

If you were really such a horrible person, why was he so desperate to keep you with him? He just wanted you to think less of yourself so that you wouldn't think for yourself but just stay with him.

Mojisola

Gigervamp wrote: »

wing, get yourself a basic DIY manual. Amazon have a few different ones.
Do you have a tool kit? A screwdriver set, basic drill, tape measure, a pack of mixed sized Rawlplugs and a tube of filler will get you started.
If a fuse blows in your fusebox, it's usually just a case of popping it back in.

teawithmilk - have looked at your fuse box? Modern ones just have a row of circuit breakers - you don't have to replace fuses, just flip switches. If the circuit keeps switching off, you need to find what is causing it - test one appliance at a time.

When_the_going_gets_tough

TWM I would check whats happening with the lease - you don't want this to come back and bite you. I am sure you would have discussed your break up in an adult way if he had been willing to do so. He left you with no choice but to make your own plans. Please be gentle with yourself. Even now he could come and have a rational discussion with you but HE chooses not to.

When_the_going_gets_tough

Also - if something practical breaks you can always get someone in to sort it - and then ask the tradesman to show you whats happened so you can learn for the future - and teach your daughter too - this from someone who gave all her children an IKEA toolset when they went to uni - they have all used them and no-one else had as much as a screwdriver!

Gigervamp

Actually, those Ikea toolkits are great. It comes in a case so it's all neatly stored and contains a hammer, screwdriver with different heads, spanner, pliers, bradawl and allen screws. All for £6.50.

girlatplay

I agree, absolutely get yourself an Ikea toolkit. Even if you don't need it (you will use at least a screwdriver) it is good to have. I have been a single parent for 11 years. It is amazing what you do when you have to. If a fuse goes in a plug, it is just as simple as unscrewing the plug, changing the fuse and screwing it back together again. You can buy packs of fuses from the pound shop.

I am so independent now, I worry that I would struggle in a relationship because there is no I in team and all that

teawithmilk

I do know a wee bit about electrics- the house just has an ancient fuse box, no circuit breakers and certainly no modern consumer unit. This was flagged up on the house survey and I cant believe I missed it now when I re-read the survey report!! I shouldve brought it up with the vendor and maybe tried to get some money off the price but hey ho. Its done now.

Ive had 2 quotes to put a consumer unit in and get an electrical condition report-its around £500 which seems reasonable, I just need to make time to get it done and clear the spare room of boxes of clutter so they can actually get in and access the sockets!! the rest of the house is OK but my 3rd bedroom is my store/junk room and I havent had chance to clear the clutter....YET I do intend on doing it when I get a spare couple of days off.

I will e mail the letting agency today as it has been nagging at me about what is happening.