Savings when seperating- scared I will lose it all

tattycath

Well at least the rent is his responsibility now-that should be a weight off your shoulders TWM.
Do you still have stuff you need to get out of the house? Maybe (when you remember where you have put the key) you could negotiate with him that you get the rest of your stuff (if there is anything) and he could pay you for the transfer of contract and then you'll give him the key.

teawithmilk

I know it seems really scatty that I've lost that key- I am angry with myself as I did have it safe. It will be safe somewhere its just remembering where! I've moved house twice in 12 months.

I've got a little mantra now that I have to throw/give away 5 things a day. It could be something as simple as an old receipt or an old t shirt of DDs but the house is definately getting a lot tidier! Ive also managed to get rid of the last of my mums excess clotes to a charity shop. This cleared up some space.

There is a small amount of my stuff left in the house but it wouldnt be the end of the world if I never got it back. He has kept all the household furniture and household items but I'm not bothered about that. I would've like some of the furniture as there are a couple of nice leather chairs (we could have had one each) but he is claiming that "he" bought them and so they are his. Im pretty sure that I did actually pay for them but I'm not going to push the point. Also a nice floorlamp that I definately bought just a month before moving out which I mentioned to him ages ago and he says is "his" so I'm not even going to bother to argue.

egoode

I wouldn't worry too much about the missing key just tell him the truth that you can't find it and if he's worried about you accessing the house he should organised to have the locks changed. Have you contacted the utility companies to explain you can't give a final reading? They should still be able to remove you from the bills without it.

thorsoak

When all the dust has settled, when you are feeling even stronger than you are now, then will be the time to take him to the cleaners (sorry CSA!). That way you WOULD be able to afford nice holidays for DD - and let's face it, he can always take her for nice holidays, so she shouldn't miss out....

NAR

TWM well done for sorting out lease etc and I think losing the money you have is a small price to pay for the peace of mind this has brought you.

paulineb wrote: »

As for holidays abroad, they dont need to cost thousands. I got a week in Spain in a very decent 3 star hotel all inclusive for just over £200 and my flights were also cheap

I doubt these prices will be available during school holidays paulineb, however I agree with your thinking.

TWM CSA is an entitlement to provide for your AND HIS daughter. Too bad if it gets him riled, he is paying you NOTHING at present. Why should you scrape by paying for everything. He should be glad that he is providing for his daughter's upbringing financially, but I doubt he will embrace this. I never once begrudged paying CSA for my two daughters, though I doubt they got much benefit out of it. :mad: But I digress.

So please make application for CSA now that you have his financial arrangements re letting sorted. You are not looking anything financially from him for yourself; it is all about providing a better life and lifestyle for DD.

paulineb_2

NAR wrote: »

TWM well done for sorting out lease etc and I think losing the money you have is a small price to pay for the peace of mind this has brought you.

I doubt these prices will be available during school holidays paulineb, however I agree with your thinking.

TWM CSA is an entitlement to provide for your AND HIS daughter. Too bad if it gets him riled, he is paying you NOTHING at present. Why should you scrape by paying for everything. He should be glad that he is providing for his daughter's upbringing financially, but I doubt he will embrace this. I never once begrudged paying CSA for my two daughters, though I doubt they got much benefit out of it. :mad: But I digress.

So please make application for CSA now that you have his financial arrangements re letting sorted. You are not looking anything financially from him for yourself; it is all about providing a better life and lifestyle for DD.

I went in August which was still when the kids were off school here (In Scotland), I appreciate our holidays run differently, worth shopping around I think.

I used the company on the beach last year and just booked flights direct with jet 2 and ryanair. My flight out to Majorca was 35 quid, sometimes you can get a bargain. This year Im going with travel republic.

paulineb_2

NAR wrote: »

TWM well done for sorting out lease etc and I think losing the money you have is a small price to pay for the peace of mind this has brought you.

I doubt these prices will be available during school holidays paulineb, however I agree with your thinking.

TWM CSA is an entitlement to provide for your AND HIS daughter. Too bad if it gets him riled, he is paying you NOTHING at present. Why should you scrape by paying for everything. He should be glad that he is providing for his daughter's upbringing financially, but I doubt he will embrace this. I never once begrudged paying CSA for my two daughters, though I doubt they got much benefit out of it. :mad: But I digress.

So please make application for CSA now that you have his financial arrangements re letting sorted. You are not looking anything financially from him for yourself; it is all about providing a better life and lifestyle for DD.

I agree, from previous posts he has a decent job, he should be paying towards her, so what if he huffs and puffs, time to man up and take some responsibility.

Caroline_a

You're doing really well twm. Please do reconsider claiming for your daughter from the CSA - she is his responsibility as well as yours and I would say that you need to make sure that she has the advantages of having extra income into the house - even if you only put it in a savings account for her! My ex wriggled out of ever paying (rules were different then) and although I managed, it was obviously more difficult.

I would say that she now (as an adult) understands much more both why I left him, and how he let her down when she was growing up. Not much is said, but I know she knows.

girlatplay

Just so you know it can be done: My DD and I left my ex when she was 2 years old. We had a cot, a microwave and two bags of clothes, one hers, one mine. We went to stay with my parents until we got a council flat (18 months). I also had debts and considered going bankrupt (I didn't though).

Fast forward 11 years; we had a nice, expensive holiday to the States in 2010 and we are having a nice, expensive holiday to the States again this year. I try to make sure we have a nice holiday every year but it is usually a bit closer to home. I have some savings. I have a mortgage over our lovely wee home which I am trying hard to reduce.

You will get there. You have done so amazingly well already. It all takes time, don't wish your life away, work towards your goals.

Just a note on the CSA - I have not had a payment for 4 weeks. You can only really treat the money as a bonus, not rely on it.

teawithmilk

Thanks. In millions of ways I dont want his crappy money. If I have to get him to contribute to DD by force (ie by CSA) he will see it as me "getting at him" and being nasty to him. Its all just part of his slightly warped view on life which I am only now realising is just not "normal" for a normal man. My brother has been divorced twice and has 2 children to 2 different wives and never quibbled for one second about paying for anything they needed!

I've always prided myself on supporting myself, and I could bring up DD financially on my own. I used to feel pride that I could support HIM too- when we got together he ended up on the dole and/or studying for 7 years and I fully financially supported him right through this period.....and when the time came I thought he would reciprocate (like when I was on maternity leave) but he never did... he never offered for me to extend my maternity leave (I had to save and save to be able to afford 6 months off- he never offered to cut back on his own spending) or go part time. He has always just had this huge expectation that I will just slog on paying for most of the house expenses and being resentful when I asked him for a contribution, even when he was working. Part of the final straw which made me leave him was when I pointed out that we were both earning good money and perhaps we should start putting away a regular amount towards DDs future- he just looked at me like I was a piece of dirt on his shoe and said "I am making my own arrangements for her- its nothing to do with you"- this was when we were still married and just convinced me that this wasnt a relationship, it was no better than a house share.

And Im quite sure he hasnt made any arrangement to save for her...or if he has it will be something stupid like some crazy investment scheme that will just go bust.

Now a large chunk of his wage will be going on paying his own living expenses. I doubt he will think he has any spare for DD.

I love my DD so much and even though we fall out and argue I enjoy and cherish every minute I spend with her. She gives him so much love, I'm sure he loves her back but he just gets fun time with her...she comes back to me hungry, tired and with a bag full of washing to do... he doesnt have to deal with the morning grumpiness and getting her off to school in time, the homework, the problems with friends at school, the stress of developing into a young woman, the hormones, the fears......he just gets pure weekend time with her with none of the boring bits.

So he is getting the best of everything at the moment- at no cost to him whatsoever!! he bought her some school uniform at the start of September and bought her some shoes recently- but only because I said to DD- make sure when Daddy take you into town to get some shoes.. He likes buying her items and "stuff" I suppose because he can see something for his money and maybe he thinks its not going directly to me somehow.