Savings when seperating- scared I will lose it all

triple_choc_chip

Hi TWM, you really are doing brilliantly and in time it will get easier.

You're not being deceptive you know, it's none of his business where you live, it's not like he needs to update his xmas card list. Living around the corner may be handy as soon as your daughter can have a house key. You wouldn't need to disrupt your visits if she could let herself in until you get home. Even so, in future I would let her know you are busy but will drive round on your way home - don't compromise your free time because she isn't in any danger after all. You ran around after the ex for years, don't start it with your daughter every time she demands, it will be another rod for your back.

Anyway, you've given a good example of a father that doesn't really 'get' parenting. One little strop and he doesn't care when or if she visits again??? It's a good job we don't all treat our kids like that, teenagers the world over would be homeless. :rotfl:As we know, spending time together isn't about going places and doing things; it's about being relaxed in each other's company, often 'doing' nothing.

Keep calm and carry on - you're doing great :T

teawithmilk

Thanks. I really would rather not volunteer information to him. He makes a point of not telling me anything- I know he might be taking her away at Easter to see his family but I bet he wont give me any forewarning so that she has clothes clean and packed. I just wondered if people thought I was being deceptive by not telling him where we were. Yes DD has a key to my place and can let herself in, (she does after school most days) but that wouldnt have worked on Saturday as she would have had to admit to him that we just live within walking distance!

He really is behaving like a stroppy child himself. Yes DD can be very hard work, sometimes she drives me absolutely nuts too and I end up shouting at her.... I'm no where near a perfect mum, but you just have to work round her sometimes and get her motivated to go out and do stuff. But I still love her to bits and she knows it.

She says she doesnt feel "safe" with him (thats her way of saying that she doesnt feel comfortable) she does love him but she is starting to see how selfish he is.

So....next step is mentally "write off" that money he owes me, fill in CSA application form and wait for the ranting text messages as he realises what I have done. He is a very proud, snobby person and he probably thinks that the CSA is just for "chavs" (sorry his words not mine).

RAS

Do not write off the money he owes you.

Not the utility bills
Not the deposit
Not the other costs that he has not paid.

Write to him and ask him for them. Even if he does not get round to paying.

If push comes to shove and he tries to ask for money from the house, you have evidence that he currently owes you money and that would be taken into account.

And if you are looking after DD and putting a roof over her head then the courts would give you a higher proportion than 50% and ask you to pay it when DD finished school, not before.

egoode

I don't think you need to tell him where you live. I'd also be concerned about whether it's actually safe for your daughter to go to his place if she's smelling that badly after a visit. That is really not normal at all.

paulineb_2

RAS wrote: »

Do not write off the money he owes you.

Not the utility bills
Not the deposit
Not the other costs that he has not paid.

Write to him and ask him for them. Even if he does not get round to paying.

If push comes to shove and he tries to ask for money from the house, you have evidence that he currently owes you money and that would be taken into account.

And if you are looking after DD and putting a roof over her head then the courts would give you a higher proportion than 50% and ask you to pay it when DD finished school, not before.

I agree, dont write off the money that he owes you.

NAR

What sort of pig is he? Whether or not your DD was staying there how can anyone live in smells and filth? :eek:

DD is at an awkward age, hormones all over the place etc. It is up to him as the adult to make adjustments not her. Pretty sad when he texts that he doesn't want her back. Your DD is obviously quite astute and is learning more things about her father that she doesn't like - that is his fault. DD saying that she doesn't feel safe is concerning though, please monitor this situation.

You are now divorced from him so your business is none of his business. So your house purchase is your business and if he thinks you are renting then let him. Definitely don't volunteer any info to him, you are now an independent woman and that is the way to think.

Hopefully he will pay the £300 owed. Glad you have realised that you need to complete and submit CSA forms. Let his rantings wash over you and retort with "If you had taken your financial responsibilities towards your daughter seriously then I wouldn't have had to bring in the CSA." Then just ignore him and let CSA take its' course.

tattycath

RAS wrote: »

Do not write off the money he owes you.

Not the utility bills
Not the deposit
Not the other costs that he has not paid.

Write to him and ask him for them. Even if he does not get round to paying.

If push comes to shove and he tries to ask for money from the house, you have evidence that he currently owes you money and that would be taken into account.

And if you are looking after DD and putting a roof over her head then the courts would give you a higher proportion than 50% and ask you to pay it when DD finished school, not before.

Totally agree with this post.

teawithmilk

Ahh, just had an a e mail from him. Funny how he chooses to use e mail when it suits him but claims that he doesnt receive them when I send him ones he doesnt like!

He is replying to one I sent him this morning..I was telling him that DDs phone had run out of credit. He has all the log in details for her account to top it up (he set it up for her ages ago) which he has never told me so I cant top it up. Yet again such a simple task which he makes overly complicated and means I have to contact him about. He could just set it up to auto-renew each month but he doesnt. So it means DD has no means of contacting anyone today. No big deal as I'm sure nothing will go wrong, no bad weather predicted today or school closures, but it is a nuisance.

Anyway I also briefly and politely mentioned the money. And also that DD was now confused about whether he wanted to see her or not and could he confirm which days (if any) he wanted to see her this week.

heres what he has said in reply:

"a bit of support in dealing with her bad attitude from you would help. But I can obviously whistle for it"

so no mention of anything important, just him kicking off about his perceived lack of support about DD ...she was only being a normal teenager which I have to deal with every day..its called being a parent!

bsms1147

I've got a lot of catching up to do.

Keep going though, you're doing really well.

tattycath

So maybe you should spell it out for him-tell him it's normal teenage behaviour.
If I were you I would also keep records of everything you have paid for -for him, that he should have been paying. (That he hasn't paid you back for). Just in case you do need to use this at a later date.
Regarding the phone...maybe it would be easier to just get her another SIM card that you can top up-if you want to be in control of it, and just give him her new number.