Savings when seperating- scared I will lose it all

NAR

teawithmilk wrote: »

So i need to let him know (yet again) that he needs to be thining about his accomodation arrangements. He wont be happy about this, although surely he cant expect me to just continue indefinately renting this house for him to live in??!!

He has had fair warning. I just know its going to be a huge battle and I'm so scared.

Yes remind him he has only a short time to find alternative accommodation (HIS problem). Don't let him blackmail you using DD, just tell him he has had plenty of time to sort things. If he can't provide suitable housing for your daughter to visit him then that is his problem, not yours.
Don't be scared, it is not your problem, it is his problem Be strong, we are all behind you.

girlatplay

Yes, don't be scared TWM. This will happen, you will get through it and you will come out the other side. He will probably be difficult, he has shown that throughout so far, but soon it will all be over. Like NAR says, don't let him blackmail you. Don't let him bully you. He is not your husband anymore, he is now just an inconvenience.

kelpie35

I can understand your fear TWM.

If it is at all possible I would write to your ex detailing the exact date he needs to be out by, how much he owes you till the end of the tenancy and informing him that you are taking meter readings for the final bills and that all DDs will be cancelled from that date.

If you can also possibly give him a date, which is not the last date of the lease, but possible a week before, that will then allow you access to the house to clean up, and take or dump any remaining stuff he has left.

I am advising this is done by letter as you will then have proof that he knows what is happening. Take a copy of your letter for your own records.

As soon as he has moved out contact CSA and make a claim from that date. If you are not given a forwarding address at least you know where he works, so that will set the wheels in motion.

If he tries and blackmailing, abusive texts or abusive emails keep them as evidence.

You are a strong person and you will get through this.

Just think, in 12 or so weeks you will only have your mortgage and your own bills for you and your DD to fork out.

I know it sounds, at the moment, that it is a life time away, but one of the things that might help you to realise how quick time will pass is, think of the time you have been in your new home and what you have accomplished so far.

I hope you have a good start to 2014 and that this new year you and your DD will have peace and happiness.

Take care.

carefullycautious

I'm afraid as the house is in your name only you will be responsible for any left over debts. You really should get some advice on this via shelter or someone in the know. This could go on and on if you don't take some action soon. Stop feeling sorry for him you have to look after your financial interest now.

triple_choc_chip

teawithmilk wrote: »

So what he pays me at the moment is: his rent, council tax, BT (phone and broadband), water and utilities. Nothing for DD.


He has made me work it out to the exact penny, I'm assuming so he doesnt think I'm "ripping him off"...The utilities go out as a monthly direct debit from my account so Im worried that when he does leave the house I will have a big final bill for gas and electricity as he has had the heating on all winter and the house is always boiling hot.

So i need to let him know (yet again) that he needs to be thining about his accomodation arrangements. He wont be happy about this, although surely he cant expect me to just continue indefinately renting this house for him to live in??!!

He has had fair warning. I just know its going to be a huge battle and I'm so scared.

You / he should have changed the council tax bill to his name so that the 25% occupancy discount can be applied and the records are accurate. Some councils charge a penalty now if they think you have two properties.

Try and read the meter asap, so that any extra can be spread across a few payments or you won't be getting it!

Of course he will try to stay forever, why not? There's not a better alternative. It suits him this way for numerous reasons -
you're still mothering him by sorting out the finances,
he's near his daughter,
he doesn't support her financially but dictates access and gets his own way,
you're probably subbing any extra on the bills, (yet to find out ),
you periodically spring clean for the agents but he has the benefit,
he controls your emotions because you fear upsetting him.

He's going to take some winkling out of there

teawithmilk

Triple Choc Chip- you have hit the nail on the head! Why should he do anything when he knows that I do everything for him. Yet instead of being even the slightest bit grateful he just resents everything.

He has a completely different perception to me though. He thinks that he was the perfect husband and tried really hard and that all the problems in the marriage were my fault...he genuinely thinks that he couldnt have done more for me. Which is why he is extremely angry with me. The last few times I have actually spoken to me he has been horrinble to me and said that he couldnt stand the sight of me and that he couldnt stand talking to me. He obviously hates me which makes things difficult. I dont hate him at all Im sad that it all came to this.

As if on cue, I have just logged into my e mails today and found a letter from the letting agency asking me to give two months notice or let them know if I want to renew the tenancy. The tenancy expires on 20th March.

thorsoak

I do hope that you're sending the email terminating the tenancy, TWM ....and I suggest that you copy in Ex, telling him he has to make his own arrangements from thenceforth!

kelpie35

I hope you are terminating the tenancy immediately, this is not your problem now.

It is up to your ex to arrange his living conditions, he is an adult.

Also don't get into his blackmailing antics.

Stay strong, just let him know, by email not text, that the tenancy is stopping from the 10th March, that will allow you time to clear his mess.

valkirn

After reading this start to finish, i think you are an amazingly strong lady and well done you for keeping it together when everything seemed to be dragging you down.

But its now time to make him stand on his own 2 feet, dont renew the contract or if you feel you have to do anything for him then tell the angency what has happened and if they then want to renew with him then its up to him to sort it.

Angry_Bear

I really do think you should pressure your ex to get the lease into his own name. As I mentioned before, a crummy credit history doesn't matter unless it includes CCJs or bankruptcies - a letting agent search won't see any of the other stuff.

Also, I get the impression from what you've said about your ex that he won't take action unless he is forced so trying to get him to move out could be VERY painful for you (it's not enough to just surrender the lease, you're responsible for getting him out). Giving him an "easy option" might work - the important thing for you is getting your name disentangled from his affairs.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do!