Savings when seperating- scared I will lose it all

kelpie35

I have to agree with Ras about talking to your DD about what contact she wishes.

I know the conversation might be difficult for you to have with her as you have always shown her that you both love her.

I feel that your DD is of age now to make decisions about when she wishes to see her dad, but I also think you need to explain to her about how important it is to her dad that he sees her.

I can fully understand how fustrating this is for you and you must feel like the piggy in the middle.

You are a strong person and should be so proud of what you have achieved so far.

carefullycautious

And get that ruddy tenancy out of your name pronto. you have to protect yourself.

teawithmilk

I am fast losing patience with him. I dont care what he saw when he was boxing up my stuff- its all in the past now anyway. He will have read my diary- in which I went on and on about how unappy I was and he will be mad about finding out that Ihad been planning on leaving him for much longer than he must have thought. It wasnt a sdnap decision like he must have assumed. But I did try to talk to him for months before I left.

I had a quick chat with DD at bedtime last night about doing the "one weekend with me, one weekend with him" thing. She didnt seem keen on the idea.

I think you are right. I need to get an email or letter from him confirming what access he wants and is happy with. He did respond to an e mail I sent him last night about something to do with DD so I will try again today and see if he responds.

paulineb_2

If your daughter doesnt want to see him regularly, I would think no reasonable judge would force her. A family friend of mine left her partner last year and there were anger issues (and then some) with the father and the family were told the child does not need to see the father at all.

She does have choices in this matter or she should have. Also, Im not sure that emailing him over this, given that hes not exactly the easiest person to talk to, is the best way to go right now.

I do think you should consider, given the fact that he cant seem to be civil to you, is dealing with him through a third party, a friend who you trust could drop your daughter off at his.

How can you discuss access when hes not being civil to you and ignoring emails?

kelpie35

teawithmilk wrote: »

I am fast losing patience with him. I dont care what he saw when he was boxing up my stuff- its all in the past now anyway. He will have read my diary- in which I went on and on about how unappy I was and he will be mad about finding out that Ihad been planning on leaving him for much longer than he must have thought. It wasnt a sdnap decision like he must have assumed. But I did try to talk to him for months before I left.

I had a quick chat with DD at bedtime last night about doing the "one weekend with me, one weekend with him" thing. She didnt seem keen on the idea.

I think you are right. I need to get an email or letter from him confirming what access he wants and is happy with. He did respond to an e mail I sent him last night about something to do with DD so I will try again today and see if he responds.

I think you now need to explain to your DD that there needs to be something concrete set out for her time with dad.

I know it is very difficult for you to have this type of conversation with her.

Is there any way that your DD and her dad come to an arrangement about time together with you having to email/text him?

If your ex is desperate to see her he will bend over backwards to do what will make her happy.

RAS

teawithmilk wrote: »

I had a quick chat with DD at bedtime last night about doing the "one weekend with me, one weekend with him" thing. She didnt seem keen on the idea.

Hi do not contact ex until DD has actually told you what arrangement she wants to have to see her dad.

Contact is about her right to see her dad, not about appeasing a grown-up child.

When she has done that tell her you will write to him and that she will need to confirm with him that it is what she wants.

Point out to both of them that this is not set in stone, but for the next year maybe? As she grow older she will want to change the arrangement.

teawithmilk

I think my ex is a liar and can never stop lying. He is getting emails- because I sent him one this morning about access arrangements over Christmas and he has just responded. So he was lying about not getting e mails....I think it just suits him to say he doesnt get my e mails. My phone only stores text messages for about a month so I have lost all his older text messages. From now on I will forward on his texts to my e mail address so I have copies. Its just so time consuming having to keep copies of everything! He seems to be agreeable to DD being with me for Christmas Eve and first part of Christmas day and then go to him to stay with him on Christmas Day evening.

It is going to be such a sad Christmas for me- I think I will really feel it this year, even though Ex never really got involved it will still feel wierd not having a family Christmas, but I guess that was the choice I made I- cant feel sorry for myself about it can I !

kelpie35

I think you are being too hard on yourself.

You have shown strength of character in all you have achieved so far.

Can you make arrangements for yourself, to either visit or have visitors for christmas evening ?

teawithmilk

Thank you, I think I need a bit of a self esteem boost.

I dont really have anyone to go to, but I will get through it....I have had a fair few miserable Christmasses with him...I will just have to get through it. At least Christmas morning will be fun with DD! Christmas can be overrated anyway can't it? There is such an expectation that it will be marvellous and fun and the best day of the year but it ends up often being an anticlimax.

At least DD and I will have fun getting a Christmas tree and decorating it!

kelpie35

teawithmilk wrote: »

Thank you, I think I need a bit of a self esteem boost.

I dont really have anyone to go to, but I will get through it....I have had a fair few miserable Christmasses with him...I will just have to get through it. At least Christmas morning will be fun with DD! Christmas can be overrated anyway can't it? There is such an expectation that it will be marvellous and fun and the best day of the year but it ends up often being an anticlimax.

At least DD and I will have fun getting a Christmas tree and decorating it!

See..........................that proves you are a strong person.

I agree with you that it is our expectations that often ruin things.

If you are going to be on your own later in the day make sure you spend the time doing things that you enjoy. If it means going to bed and catching up on well deserved rest.............so be it. If it means stuffing your face..............so what. You are doing something for yourself for a change instead of always considering other people and their feelings.