Savings when seperating- scared I will lose it all

Ivrytwr3

Blimey! I have only just noticed this thread and have read it from start to finish - what an emotional rollercoaster!

The things i have picked up on:

a. Why are you paying his rent??!!!

b. Why are you snooping on his EBay bidding? (close the account!!!)

Things like this keep you tied together (not in a good way) and he is probably getting off on having a 'hold' on you however small.

Aside from that, a huge well done and in years to come i am sure your daughter will be proud of what you both have achieved.

.......................................

girlatplay

teawithmilk wrote: »

I am learning how to cook again at the moment after 20 years of him ruling the kitchen and I love the challenge of trying to rustle something up from what is in the reduced section of the local supermarket. Last night I was "bad" and treated myself to some reduced flowers- they were selling off big bunches for 35/45p. I got 4 or 5 bunches and gave one to DD to put in her room and then filled all my vases - a house full of flowers for less than 2 quid!!

Its actually really fun being on my own!

:j:T:j:T:j:T:j

This is the kind of post we have been waiting for (and knew would be coming at some point!) This will keep happening and things will get better and better for you. Be aware there will still be dips along the way but you are definitely over the worst now.

I love flowers. At 45p a bunch I would be buying myself a couple of bunches too. Your house will be nice and girly and how you want it. Even if it is untidy, at least it is your mess, no one elses.

I didn't realise how much I enjoyed cooking or how well I could cook until I was settled on my own with my DD.

Just to make you aware, if/when you do go down the CSA route, CSA money is not 100% guaranteed so I never rely on mine, I treat it as a bonus if I get it. In my situation, my ex and his boss are good friends and sometimes it is wondered if the boss makes things awkward for payment on purpose. Some weeks I get the full payment, some weeks I get nothing, some weeks I get half the payment, some weeks I get the full amount plus some arrears. He is currently 3 weeks behind but this week's payment (which is in and will be sent to my account on Thursday ) is just the normal payment, no arrears money in it. I only mention this because I would hate to think that one week you are short and waiting for the money and it doesn't turn up. I like your idea of building an emergency fund for DD, that way if it does happen one week, at least you have some money there.

So happy for you. Keep going

teawithmilk

I'm not snooping on his ebay bidding- its actually MY ebay account (an old one) which he asked if he could use to sell some stuff- he said if he sold any joint stuff he would split it with me. Or if he sold any clothes of DDs (she has some nice "label" stuff that she has grown out of like a waterproof jacket) she would get the money as extra pocket money. This was a month or so ago when we were on slightly better terms and although I was reluctant at the time I thought it might help get rid of clutter and he did promise that he wouldnt do anything stupid with the account, like get negative feedback. All he has done is actually sell his own stuff (nothing joint) and also buy stuff. He seems to be selling a lot of his old "hobby" stuff but then re-spending the money on his new hobbies. Its linked to my work e mail address so whenever he bids on anything or buys anything an e mail pings to me- Im not snooping- he can stop using it if he wants, he must know im able to see what he is bidding on! But its given me a clear picture that he is buying stuff on e-bay and can't possibly be as "skint" as he claims. I have tried changing the password on the account but I need a clear period of a few days when he isnt buying or selling anything so that I dont get lumbered with having to deal with/communicate with irate ebay people who havent been paid.

So I have told him four or five times now to stop using it. I've just checked and he has 2 items to pay for and 2 items that he has sold and hasnt despatched yet. One is quite a vaulable item so if I shut the account down then the buyer might not get his/her item from my ex, even though they have paid him...I dont want to have to deal with the hassle of that. Plus it looks like there are 2 cases open- e hasnt received items.

Im just keeping my eye out for when he isnt buying/selling then the password is getting changed. I dont use ebay very often and am not an expert.

He is obviously just ignoring my requests just to stop using the account!

I do want to cut all ties with him although appreciate that there will always be some links due to DD. Main tie to cut is that house- once March is here he can sort himself out for accomodation- he surely cant say I havent been fair and that he hasnt had enough time to organise himself.

tayforth

You've been waaaaay more than fair!

Angry_Bear

teawithmilk wrote: »

I do want to cut all ties with him although appreciate that there will always be some links due to DD. Main tie to cut is that house- once March is here he can sort himself out for accomodation- he surely cant say I havent been fair and that he hasnt had enough time to organise himself.

I don't think anyone else has mentioned this but credit checks for renting aren't like regular credit checks. Potential LLs can only see public record information (e.g. CCJs, bankruptcys). Even with a shot credit report and a DMP your OH might still pass the check.
While this isn't really your problem, from what you've said he's more likely to do something if you give him an "easy out". If he gets the lease transferred into his name your obligations will end. Although you might have to sacrifice the deposit (if he doesn't have it available).

teawithmilk

It would make life easier if he could get the current lease transferred into his name- if he was reasonable and wanted an easy life.

The landlord is quite laid back, and seems to be happy with long term tenants. The house was quite scruffy when we moved in so there is not as much paranoia about keeping the place immaculate...for example the garden is quite unkempt and the landord has never commented or pulled us up on this. My ex is under the impression that as he put up the deposit for the house (around £700) approx 2 years ago that this money morally belongs to him...Im not bothered, he can have it as far as i'm concerned, the money is locked up as the deposit anyway at the moment. So I'd be happy to let him just take on the full responsibility for the house if he got off his backside and sorted it himself and contacted the letting agency...but I'm not doing the running round for him!!

RAS

twm

Unless you take some action urgently, in March the tenancy reverts to statutory periodic tenancy, which means he can stay for ever with you still as the official "tenant".

So you will be tied to trying to extract money from him each month and have to pay LL each month. Since the new idea is to start reporting late and fail rental payments on credit records, that could cause you problems.

With respect to his credit record, I think you said he has been in a DMP for 7 years?

If so all the defaults on his credit record should have dropped off by now and it is likely to be clear.

You need to ask him if you has spoken to the LL and give him a deadline by which he needs to do so.

You must NOT (yes shouting) give notice to leave this property; if you do so and he fails to move out you have to pay double rent to the LL until the property is vacated, so that would really stuff you.

If he does not talk to the LL, then you need to ask them nicely to send an S21 ending your tenancy. They are going to have to do that anyway if they want to accept him as tenant. That might encourage him to get his act together and talk to the LL.

teawithmilk

Thank you so much, RAS. I really really appreciate your knowledge on this issue....My ex has no idea about tenancy law because its always been me dealing with the various letting agencies- he thinks he is an expert as he has heard snippetts from me over the years but I uspect he knows nothng about the legal side of things. They usually write to me and ask me what my intentions are (ie renew, give up lease etc) approx 2 months before the end of the tenancy, which means they are likely to be contacting me in January.

His family are not without means- his mum has helped him out in the past and Im sure if he went to her and asked her for help she would do so at the drop of a hat. He also has been selling (and buying) a lot of stuff recently- so he could easily rustle up some funds to pay rent in advance. So worst case scenario would be that he might have to pay 6 months rent up front. Work reference shouldnt be a problem as he has full time permanent job and earns ok money. So really I dont se a problem- IF he gets his act together and starts organising things and making enquiries right now. But maybe I am making assumptions here- I am assuming that to minimise hasle he would want to stay in that house, but maybe he might want to move to a smaller place- I can't second guuess. My gut instinct is that he isnt even thinking about it and will just assume that I will do the usual and carry on leasing it for him. So I need to give him fair warning (as if I havent already!) that he needs to stand on his own 2 feet.

teawithmilk

Just noticed that my typing/spelling is appalling. Im just trying to type quickly! Went to DDs parents evening last night and she is doing really well at her new school so I am so pleased and relieved that she seems to be blossoming at high school and making new friends.

Felt bad for not even mentioning that there was a parents evening to ex, but he had already told DD he couldnt see her last night anyway as he had a late meeting at work.

I just couldnt face having to give him a lift to school and listening to him moaning in the car, or being critical of her teachers.

Mojisola

teawithmilk wrote: »

Thank you so much, RAS. I really really appreciate your knowledge on this issue....My ex has no idea about tenancy law because its always been me dealing with the various letting agencies- he thinks he is an expert as he has heard snippetts from me over the years but I uspect he knows nothng about the legal side of things. They usually write to me and ask me what my intentions are (ie renew, give up lease etc) approx 2 months before the end of the tenancy, which means they are likely to be contacting me in January.

Will that letter go to the old address?