Savings when seperating- scared I will lose it all

Errata

LannieDuck wrote: »

I think having the landlord evict you/him as a result of his conduct/upkeep is probably a good thing. You might lose your deposit, but I can't think of a way around that, and it might be worth it to get rid of him from the house. He's had plenty of time to find somewhere else to rent or get himself sorted enough to pay the rent himself.

Unfortunately the LL can't evict him, he's not the tenant - TWM is.
The LL can serve an eviction notice on TWM, but it's her responsibility to shift her OH out of the property.

RAS

Errata wrote: »

Unfortunately the LL can't evict him, he's not the tenant - TWM is.
The LL can serve an eviction notice on TWM, but it's her responsibility to shift her OH out of the property.

Agreed but a section 21 notice issued by the LL would give twm some cover (about being nasty to daddy). And the sooner the better really as she probably needs to give herself some time to clean the place up after he leaves.

Of course if he refuses to leave twm remains liable to the LL for the rent and the court costs and if it gets to it the bailiff fees (possibly both to evict her and ex).

He might be some miracle be able to negoitiate a tenancy transfer but having the place look like a mess will not help.

LannieDuck

As RAS says, it means TWM will be have no choice but to boot him out - she can play hardball and blame the landlord.

teawithmilk

Thanks. I had a better nights sleep so am feeling a bit calmer today at work. I was very stressed yesterday and I know this is affecting my work.

I work in public sector and the cuts mean that I am having to take on more and more work. I just cant cope with the workload anymore and I have no one to delegate to. Its getting to crunch point- which is why I am increasingly getting stressed and upset when having to deal with complaints. My boss knows, but there is nothing he can do about it either....Last night I had a big talk to myself and I am going to try and be calmer at work today- so what if a few people like to be persistent complainers (even tho we have sorted the problem for them now anyway) I will just not have to take it to heart as much. Having a blackberry doesnt help, as I can read my work e-mails at home so I'm going to switch it off on a night.

I work in a very male dominated team but I dont know any of them well enough to ask them to get involved, nice idea, but not much chance of it happening esp as they all live quite some way from me.

Last night I didnt go anywhere near Ex's place even though I had told him via text on Sunday that I would be round to pick up some stuff. later in the evening He was then texting me (as if all the stuff he said on Sunday about never wanting to see me face to face ever again had never been said) asking why DD hadnt been round or if I was going to pick up stuff...I just ignored his text. I just dont have the energy to argue with him. He is playing mind games with me.

So my plan of action is this:

Im going to take Thurs and Fri off (this is killing my annual leave allocation!) I will get round to ex's house during the day while he is at work and get all my stuff out- as much as I can carry. Anything else I will just "write off" and he can do what he wants with it, bin it, sell it, whatever.....

Then I will just have to see how it goes with the inspection. If i get a S21 then I will have to deal with it. Whatever happens I am NOT NOT renewing the lease for him when it is up. I want to cut all ties with him.

carefullycautious

Please be careful. You could ask the police or a community officer to escort you to the property if you are scared. Go with your gut instincts. He will play mr nasty and mr nice to draw you in so don't be fooled.

He has relied on you to look after him so reality is now creeping in.
I would tell the landlord what has happened and that you are not renewing the lease so that they are aware of the situation.

Your ex needs a wake up call, this is not going to go away. He needs to man up and pay his own way.

Take care of yourself

girlatplay

TWM is there any way that DD could deal with contact with her father herself? I know that the 12 year old child of a friend of mine was asked by the court if she wanted contact with her father or not (we are in Scotland - don't know if the law differs in this). Neither the mother nor the father had a say in it, it was up to the child. I'm just thinking that maybe DD is getting to an age where she can make decisions about contact for herself. If she doesn't want to go to her dad's then she could tell him herself. Maybe not though, you know your DD best.

In the meantime, I can't remember if you have said you have been to your GP (I have been following your thread, honest!) but if not then you really could do with going along and getting some assistance with anxiety. You are probably depressed as well with everything you are going through. You are coping with a huge amount of stuff in your life right now. Don't be afraid to ask for help.

teawithmilk

She has her own phone and she does text her dad. There have been occasions when they have arranged to see each other. I'm fine with that (as long as they let me know so I know what is going on and where she is/that she is safe)

But she quite often makes arrangements with him and then changes her mind. Thats not my fault, shes just a normal 11 yr old! I would prefer to have set days of the week when he sees her, then we can ALL get into a routine. And I dont want him having EVERY Friday night with her (as he has been doing) because that means I dont get to see her at all on Saturdays then until late tea time and I get Sundays which is invariably when she is more grumpy, bored and has to do all the prep for school- homework, bath, etc

Quite often she doesnt want to go see him and I have to make her go, its mainly laziness on her part but she also says she doesnt like staying there as he doesnt keep the house clean- I know he doesnt clean the toliet etc which she hates!

I havent been to my GP- I dont know what to say. Its a huge GP practice and you never get to see the same one twice- what do I say?? Im cracking up??!

I've maybe made a mistake but I e-mailled him today after talking to my friend at work. She suggested I e-mail him and say that I respected his decision to not speak to me face to face and that I would go in at some point (when he wasnt there) and get my stuff.

So I will wait and see if he answers. He might just barricade the doors shut so I cant get in!

NAR

teawithmilk wrote: »

I've maybe made a mistake but I e-mailled him today after talking to my friend at work. She suggested I e-mail him and say that I respected his decision to not speak to me face to face and that I would go in at some point (when he wasnt there) and get my stuff.

So I will wait and see if he answers. He might just barricade the doors shut so I cant get in!

Who knows? But at least he can't go off on one about you entering the house without his knowledge.

stripey1969

With regards to DD, my parents split up when I was seven, and the arrangement was that I'd go to my dad's every Tuesday and every other weekend. Occasionally my parents would have to swap weekends or weeknights, but that was pretty uncommon. I firmly believe it's the best way of doing it - there's so much security from knowing exactly when you're going to see your other parent. Friends of mine in similar situations who only saw their dads on an adhoc basis were much less confident in their parents' love. I think it was also quite nice for my mum to know she'd get shot of us every other weekend - parents who are still together don't tend to get much of a break from the offspring! xx

girlatplay

teawithmilk wrote: »

She has her own phone and she does text her dad. There have been occasions when they have arranged to see each other. I'm fine with that (as long as they let me know so I know what is going on and where she is/that she is safe)!

Absolutely. You are responsible for her so you do need to know what is going on.

teawithmilk wrote: »

But she quite often makes arrangements with him and then changes her mind. Thats not my fault, shes just a normal 11 yr old! I would prefer to have set days of the week when he sees her, then we can ALL get into a routine. And I dont want him having EVERY Friday night with her (as he has been doing) because that means I dont get to see her at all on Saturdays then until late tea time and I get Sundays which is invariably when she is more grumpy, bored and has to do all the prep for school- homework, bath, etc

Quite often she doesnt want to go see him and I have to make her go, its mainly laziness on her part but she also says she doesnt like staying there as he doesnt keep the house clean- I know he doesnt clean the toliet etc which she hates!

Of course she changes her mind! What child doesn't? If she has told him she doesn't want to go or that she is not going, I don't see why he has to ask you about it. What a plum he is! It would be better to have set days so that everyone knows what is happening. I don't really know how you would deal with that with the ex though. Was there no reference to DD in your separation/divorce agreement? And ewww, I wouldn't want to go to his with his dirty toilet either!

teawithmilk wrote: »

I havent been to my GP- I dont know what to say. Its a huge GP practice and you never get to see the same one twice- what do I say?? Im cracking up??!

Yes.

Explain everything. Make a list of the points before you go: divorce/housemove/your mum/work/etc. Once you start talking it will all come spilling out. Once you have seen one GP you might find that you are able to make an appointment in advance to see that one again. My local practice asks patients to try to make appointments with the same GP if you are going for long term treatment.

((((Big hugs TWM))))