Savings when seperating- scared I will lose it all

thorsoak

I hope you managed to get your stuff back safely TWM, and that you've had a good weekend x

teawithmilk

Well I have retrieved most of my stuff from HIS house...(anything I'm bothered about anyway).....like my remaining clothes.

Im still a little bitter that I basically walked away with nothing....in the sense that I left all the furniture, kitchen equipment, pots and pans, etc etc but it was my choice and I will just have to get my head round it.

I didnt have the time or energy to start arguing with him about chopping boards and pans so I just grabbed anything obviously mine and shoved it in the car. So in theory I never need to go in the house again, except when the lease is up.

The house passed the inspection. I wont tell how........ but it involved me going round and doing some cleaning while he was out. He had tidied the place, but not cleaned. It was in a state. But at least it is cleaner for DD to go round and visit and not get botulism or EColi poisoning now. I am not exaggerating- it was foul. But I have vowed never to do that again. I dont want to have legal action against me, he has promised to continue paying me the rent and utilities so I have 4 months to go before the lease is up. Because of the way his payday works he has already paid me for November so I really only have 3 more times when I need to collect "rent" from him. And when I get the bond back (hopefully I will next March) Im keeping it rather than giving it to him (he insists that he paid the bond 2 yrs ago when we moved in and regards the bond as "his" even though the lease is in my name)

Once it was over and done with on Friday afternoon I was really relieved. Thats my mums flat emptied (I did that on Thursday) and her keys handed back now, and the house inspection over. 2 things ticked off my problem list. Having my mums place sorted is a massive weight off my mind. (and my sisters)

Next on my list of problems is to get him to pay me a reasonable and fair amount for DDs upkeep. He says he is too skint to pay me anything now that he is paying for rent on his own...well all I can say to him is welcome to the real world!

So I had a good weekend in the end, thanks!

Errata

Good to read things are getting sorted out, and the c£30k you walked out of your marriage with compensates you for the few pots and pans you didn't get.
If you think I'm harsh, I'd say exactly the same thing if your were a man.

stripey1969

Great stuff, sounds like you're making progress! xx

paulineb_2

Errata wrote: »

Good to read things are getting sorted out, and the c£30k you walked out of your marriage with compensates you for the few pots and pans you didn't get.
If you think I'm harsh, I'd say exactly the same thing if your were a man.

I wonder how much money the OP spent over the years on keeping her ex afloat?

I can understand feeling sad about leaving items youve bought and paid for, whether thats something really expensive or a few pots.

kelpie35

You now need to contact CSA and he will have to pay for his DD.

You now need to consentrate your energy on making sure you and your DD can live a happy life together.

I wish you all the best, you are a lot stronger then you realise. Well done.

triple_choc_chip

Errata wrote: »

Good to read things are getting sorted out, and the c£30k you walked out of your marriage with compensates you for the few pots and pans you didn't get.
If you think I'm harsh, I'd say exactly the same thing if your were a man.

Did you miss the part where he had the same amount and squandered it?

kelpie35

Errata wrote: »

Good to read things are getting sorted out, and the c£30k you walked out of your marriage with compensates you for the few pots and pans you didn't get.
If you think I'm harsh, I'd say exactly the same thing if your were a man.

It is posts like yours that makes me so mad :mad:

If you had taken the time to read the whole thread you would see how much emotional and financial abuse TWM and her DD have had to cope with.

TWM has had the COURAGE to take responsibilty to improve her and her DD lives for the better.

These desisions have not been take lightly and it has almost caused TWM to have a nervous breakdown.

Posts like yours cause men and women to remailn in abusive relationships, which I find really abhorent :eek:

NAR

Normally I would say set the CSA on him too, but I would then be concerned that you don't get your rent.
I would say over the next lot of months he will be welcomed to the real world of finance, but of course it will be all your fault for depriving him of access to £'00's that you spent on him every month!

DigForVictory

TWM, is it wrong to say I'm So Proud of you? Or just So Pleased on your behalf - you've done so much, survived so much & in the middle of it all, you keep up posted!

Wiser heads have already said you have a lot with divorce and moving and not-quite-yet bereavement & please ask for a long appointment with a GP - we all want to be sure you get all the help we can suggest, but we can't book that appointment for you, just as we couldn't lend a solid bloke when you went to get your stuff from the house.

Please, treat yourself to some really glorious, going to be an heirloom someday, pans. The sort you need a Boxing Day Sale to even look at usually. Consult with family & friends - what have they got, what do they daydream of, where would they get the realities? Might help some folk come up with useful Christmas presents, so well worth the conversations!

Hoping you have work more or less sorted and that you've a moment to consider when to unleash the CSA!